We know, that title might look a little jarring at first. After all, there are few characters in existence that are as pure and innocent as Winnie the Pooh. But after reviewing some of the willy-nilly-silly old bear's work, we've made the shocking discovery that even Pooh has the capacity to get his paws dirty.
Now before you get up in arms about us tearing into a beloved Disney character, we're not saying Pooh's a bad guy in the least. But we are saying he's done some questionable deeds in his extensive career. Don't believe us? Have a look at ten of the worst things Pooh has ever done.
Wrecked Christopher Robin's Kitchen
Even as an adult, Christopher Robin should know that Pooh will do anything for a jar of honey once he sets his mind to it. All it takes is one sight of something sweet, sticky, and golden and Pooh becomes a bear on a mission. Not even a London flat is safe.
Christopher Robin was definitely a strange live-action Disney feature, but it does show the consequences of living stuffed animals in the human world with a little more realism. Pooh, as soft and plush as he is, is like a toddler thinking more on emotion rather than reason and causing a little damage in the process.
Eating Rabbit Out of House and Home
Since Pooh's voracious appetite is so infamous in the Hundred Acre Wood, we can understand Rabbit's apprehensiveness in letting him in for lunch. We are especially sympathetic when we see just how much the bear can put away in the course of a few page-turns. We're talking eight empty honey pots here.
Looking back on it with adult eyes, Pooh isn't exactly the most accommodating house guest. Rabbit is clearly not in the mood, but he comes in anyway. Then, he proceeds to eat what we assume to be Rabbit's entire pantry's worth of honey. And just when the poor bunny thinks he's in the clear, the unthinkable happens.
Plugging Up Rabbit's Door
As if eating up Rabbit's entire honey supply wasn't enough, Pooh goes and plugs up the guy's front door with his gargantuan gut after binge eating his breakfast. Granted, Pooh is probably still sticky from the honey buffet which is probably another factor, but this feels like salt in the wound.
We know this wasn't an intentional thing, but it's still something we've got to include on our list. Rabbit was already hesitant to let the bear in for breakfast, let alone having him hang around crammed in his front door for days. We can understand the bonkers display of relief he has when Pooh finally budges.
Dropping a Boulder Onto Eeyore
Granted, Pooh had the right idea to help get his friend Eeyore out of the river, but he overshot it by a few dozen pounds. Winnie the Pooh and a Day for Eeyore is an underrated and under-watched little adventure where Pooh and his pals give Eeyore a birthday party, but not before rescuing him from the river.
Pooh's plan to create waves by dropping stones in the water to make waves is good on paper, but when he drops a huge boulder right onto Eeyore's chest, we can't help but call that a dangerous blunder. At least Eeyore was unharmed... mostly.
Sending Friends a Hazardous Ammount of Valentines
Okay, how obsessed do you have to be to send so many Valentine cards that your friends want to boycott the holiday to prevent floods of needless pink paper? You'd have to be a silly old bear with a screw loose to send, as Rabbit described, ten-zillion valentines in one day.
The events leading up to this Valentine special were not so much a heinous deed as they were a lack of self-control. But if it's enough to get his friends to (attempt to) cancel Valentine's Day. Pooh might just be the overly-affectionate sort, but you know what they say about roads with good intentions.
Snatching a Letter to Santa
Winnie the Pooh and Christmas Too is one of our favorite Christmas specials, but the plot wouldn't exist without a little help from a certain bear of very little brain. Essentially, Christopher Robin helps the friends write a letter to Santa with their Christmas wishes, but Pooh forgets to include himself during the discussion.
So what does he do? Embark on a quest to snatch the letter back and write down his wish. Yes, comedy ensues after he corrects his error, but the letter ends up back in the Hundred Acre Wood for the friends to find. This means Pooh has to come up with a new way to "fix" things.
Posing as Santa and Delivering Hazardous Gifts
When Pooh can't get the Christmas letter to Santa, he decides to bring cheer and presents to his friends in the best way he can. This sounds like a sweet and heartfelt idea, but when you consider that Pooh gives Tigger a defective makeshift pogo-stick, a backfiring bug sprayer to Rabbit, and stuffs poor Eeyore in a suitcase, the holiday cheer begins to fade.
Not only that, but he ropes Piglet into the whole charade and makes him into a reindeer, even making him struggle to pull a sled. We're not denying the comedic value in that image, but Piglet might need to reevaluate his status with Pooh.
Forgetting His Best Friend's Christmas Gift
Jumping off our previous statement, let's see another Christmas special. If we're being totally honest, despite the warm and touching ending to A Very Merry Pooh Year, we'd be a little more ticked if our best friend lost our Christmas present and forgot about it till New Years. Pooh did precisely this scenario and Piglet barely showed any frustration.
Pooh and Piglet typically have one of the most adorable friendships in all of Disney, but sometimes we wonder if the relationship is truly mutual. Some of you might think we're nitpicking, but have a look at our next entry.
Launching Piglet Into a Beehive
As it turns out, not even his precious friendship with Piglet is strong enough to satisfy his sweet tooth. It's one thing to rope the little guy into one of his various schemes, but how about throwing him into a live bees' nest?
Winnie the Pooh from 2011 has Pooh so driven by his hunger for honey that he even starts to hallucinate at one point. It becomes such a force that he decides to knock down a hanging beehive by using Piglet as a projectile. When Piglet gets stuck, he decides to try knocking him out with a stick, resulting in a swarm of angry insects chasing them through the woods.
Becoming a 50ft Kaiju and Destroying the Village
Technically this is all just a fantasy in Tigger's fireside tale, but seeing Pooh in the role of a cuddly Frankenstein-inspired monster laying waste to the countryside in his neverending quest for honey was too good not to include. It's definitely one of the few instances Pooh is depicted in a villainous role.
Though Pooh is acting on impulse rather than malice, the amount of destruction he delivers is absolutely devastating. From squashing Rabbit's garden with a giant yellow foot to reducing Gopher's home to a pile of rubble, Pooh causes more damage in one segment of his animated series than he has in his entire career.