The CW's Riverdale is well-known for its absurdity, which is the point - although sometimes it can seem a bit much for viewers. The parents of the show are part of the reason for this. The teens' fathers are either killers, obsessed businessmen, gang members, or imprisoned.
Some of the mothers are no better - just ask Veronica, Cheryl, or Betty what they think of their mothers. Many of Betty's personal issues stem from her relationship with her parents, which the show tries briefly to assess in an episode featuring a therapist. Here is a list of Riverdale's eccentric parents, and which one you're most like based on your Chinese zodiac.
RAT: Alice Cooper
Betty's mom may have her flaws, and she certainly makes her share of mistakes, but at the end of the day, she's as quick-witted, resourceful, versatile, and kind as the Chinese rat. She always has Betty's best interests at heart, even if her choices are sometimes misguided.
She's endlessly resourceful, as she displays when she reveals she's been in contact with Charles and has been working undercover to expose Edgar Evernever's Farm. Alice is also versatile, which she proves after recovering from learning that her husband is a serial killer.
OX: FP Jones
FP goes through significant growth to get to where he is now as the sheriff. He starts out as someone Jughead is ashamed to be associated with. But FP has vowed to do better for his family.
He's diligent, dependable, strong, and determined like the ox. Nothing can get in his way when he needs to protect those he loves, and Jughead and his friends can always count on him.
TIGER: Hiram Lodge
If any character in this series is confident and competitive, it has to be Hiram. He'll stop at nothing to get what he wants, even if it means hurting his family.
His greatest opponent might be Archie, which is ironic and weird on many levels. But no matter what Hiram is faced with, he faces it bravely - including the illness he's diagnosed with at the end of season 4.
RABBIT: Hermione Lodge
Quiet, elegant, kind, and responsible (at least in season 1), Hermione is just about the opposite of everything her husband is. She begins the series as a supportive, caring mother who wants to put Hiram behind her.
Her home, clothing, accessories, and the way she carries herself all exude an unrivaled elegance. Hermione Lodge is the embodiment of the Chinese rabbit.
DRAGON: Gladys Jones
Jughead's mother is very self-confident and is willing to challenge characters she's never even met before. However, she's not stupid. She has a certain level of intuition and judgment that helps her make decisions and gauge situations.
She's also very enthusiastic about everything she does, from her work to her Serpent status. At first, she seems very invested in her family, even FP.
SNAKE: Hal Cooper
Those born in the Year of the Snake are often known to be enigmatic, intelligent, and wise. Hal's true nature is so elusive that when it's revealed, his personality becomes even more of an enigma. The image of him as a serial killer doesn't seem to match up with the father the audience has come to know in the first season.
He keeps a lot of things to himself, even when he's in prison and has nothing to lose. He's clearly intelligent or he wouldn't be able to commit the crimes he does. His vision of Riverdale, though skewed, comes with a certain degree of wisdom.
HORSE: Polly Cooper
Though viewers don't see much of her parenting in action, Polly is the mother of a pair of twins. She doesn't appear in the series much in general, except when Betty needs something from her.
When the audience does see her, Polly is animated, active, and energetic. She often expresses her opinions or emotions in an exaggerated way, which is what the Chinese horse is known for.
GOAT: Tom Keller
The Chinese goat is characterized by its calm, gentle, sympathetic personality. Kevin's father is all of these things, even in the toughest circumstances.
As the sheriff, he maintains a calm demeanor and deals with things logically. When he's not on duty, he speaks to Kevin in a gentle manner and always sympathizes with him.
MONKEY: Nana Rose Blossom
Nana Rose may be the smartest character in the series - after all, she does somehow escape a burning house all on her own. Whenever the Blossoms need to know something, Rose seems to have the answer.
She also displays an inextinguishable curiosity. She's interested in everything, from Cheryl's fascination with haunted houses to Penelope's perversions. Everything she says, she says with cutting sharpness.
ROOSTER: Penelope Blossom
It's clear where Cheryl gets her taste in clothes and interior design from, but she doesn't seem to have inherited much else from her mother. Though Penelope is hardworking with a successful business, her motivations are questionable.
She's observant when she wants to be and seems to know about a lot of what goes on in her town. And despite her flaws, she's courageous, as the rooster is.
DOG: Mary Andrews
Archie seems to have gotten lucky with his parents. They're both good, kind, hardworking people. Mary is often seen by others as lovely, which is reflected in her mannerisms, clothing, body language, and word choice.
As a lawyer and mother, she's prudent. She constantly reminds Archie of how his actions and decisions now can affect his future. Lastly, Mary is always, without exception, honest.
PIG: Fred Andrews
Fans were heartbroken by Luke Perry's death, which also meant that Fred Andrews saw an untimely but moving death in the show. Fred is remembered fondly by fans and characters alike because he was so compassionate, generous, and diligent.
He's one of the best role models on the show, and certainly the best paternal figure. He supports Archie without fail, even when he decides to pursue dreams that Fred hadn't expected of him.