Nadja is the sole female protagonist of FX’s hit mockumentary, What We Do In The Shadows. Her witty insults, surprising empathy, and strong personality have made her a fan favorite. She may be over 500 years old, but she still has more than enough energy to snap back at anyone who is daring enough to offend her.
From life in her impoverished village to criticisms of devious witches, Nadja’s funniest lines are always entertaining for viewers who enjoy watching her comical outbursts. Some of her best quotes perfectly capture her unique outlook as she can switch from empathetic to disgusted in a single sentence.
Updated on August 3rd, 2022, by Hannah Saab: The ongoing fourth season of What We Do in the Shadows thrusts Nadja into the spotlight, as her nightclub becomes a major part of the overarching storyline. Nadja is angrier and funnier than ever before, with her tantrums literally shattering objects around her. As new episodes reveal more gut-busting scenes with her and the gang, it's the perfect time to look back at some of her funniest quotes on the show so far.
“I Don't Want These Virgins. They Are Going To Taste Too Sad.”
When Guillermo brings the vampires to a community college to observe their potential victims, they’re horrified by the activities of the LARPing club. Nadja, Laszlo, and Nandor find the group too depressing to drain, despite most of its members being virgins.
This quote from the season 1 episode, “City Council,” is emblematic of Nadja’s strange empathy towards underdogs. She feels bad for the LARPers who she sees as pitiful mortals. They’re not even good enough to be killed in her eyes, as she doesn’t really understand what they’re doing in the classroom, roleplaying as knights and witches.
“We Were So Poor That We Used To Use Donkey Dung For Fuel, And When The Donkey Dung Ran Out, We Would Have To Burn The Donkey.”
Nadja talks a lot about her old human life in her impoverished village. In the second episode of season 1, she unsuccessfully tries to use her experiences in her village to comfort an upset Jenna. This line is the vampire’s hilarious attempt at trying to compare her own horrific upbringing with Jenna’s rejection from the Staten Island Community College LARPing Club.
She may be one of the smartest characters in What We Do In The Shadows, but she misses the social cues implying that Jenna is uncomfortable. Nadja goes on with her story, thinking she’s being helpful by saying “So yes, I do know what it feels like to be mocked and teased and to cry myself to sleep at night by the light of a burning donkey.”
“She Used To Be Such A Cute, Little Fresh-Faced Girl. But Now She Just Looks Like An Elephant's Knee.”
When Nadja unexpectedly encounters an old friend of hers living in their neighbor’s house, she has to use the elderly lady’s dementia as an excuse for her wild stories. In the season 2 episode, “Brain Scramblies,” fans learn about Joan and Nadja’s history.
Nadja used to babysit Joan when she was younger. The vampire showed her all kinds of weird things like her power to transform into a cat or to levitate. Their reunion is a reminder of Nadja’s immortality and the fact that she’s seen mortals around her wither away as they age.
“You’re A Lying Piece Of Old Cabbage.”
Nadja’s initially touching reunion with Joan abruptly turns into a chaotic mess when she realizes that the old lady has a photo of herself wearing a jade necklace. According to Nadja, this necklace is her “prized possession” because it’s the only thing that was passed down to her after her mother was fatally mauled by a bear.
Her mother’s dying screams are trapped in the jade necklace, so Nadja knows she can find it if she just listens and calls for her mother in the neighbor’s house. She shouts this absurd line at a fearful Joan and distracts her family by tricking them into thinking she’s having an episode – this gives her time to frantically run around the house and search for the heirloom.
“Be Strong, Sweet Little One. Some Day They Will All Be Dead And You Will Do A S**t On All Of Their Graves.”
Nadja does one of the best things in What We Do In The Shadows when she turns Jenna into a vampire in the second episode of season 1. After watching her LARPing friends ignore and bully her, Nadja seeks her out and offers her immortality.
By saying this funny line, Nadja has decided that she’s giving Jenna the power to overcome and outlive her bullies. Jenna isn’t quite sure what Nadja’s deal is and she’s confused by the character’s approach. She has no idea that she’s been turned into a creature of the night until she starts vomiting and craving blood.
“Pablo Picasso? More Like Pablo Pic-a**hole.”
In the season 2 episode, “Colin’s Promotion,” Nadja, Laszlo, and Nandor have decided to redecorate their home. They think that if they move their artworks around, things will be a bit refreshed and feel less dull.
Nadja gives the camera crew a tour of their existing art pieces, pointing out a ripped copy of Guernica and saying this witty and slightly cheesy insult. It makes sense that the vampires would get bored of the greatest works of humankind. Nadja explains it well before this pun by saying “Even the ones I did like, I’ve been looking at them for 200 years, so I hate them now.”
“Recently I Have Been Seeing Another Man, He Doesn’t See Me Though Because I Sneak Behind Him.”
The relationship between Nadja and Gregor is a running gag on the mockumentary that’s first introduced with this quote in the “Pilot” episode. This funny line sounds more like Nandor’s usual unintentional jokes, as it hints at how clueless the vampires are about using normal expressions.
In the episode, Nadja is shown stalking a human as he walks from the park to his home. When Nadja finally captures a photo of him, she confirms that he is indeed Gregor’s reincarnation. She spends several weeks reminding the security guard about his more exciting past lives but warns him that he dies by getting decapitated in each one.
“No Nuns. No Nuns, None!”
In the season 1 episode, “City Council,” the vampires are scrambling to find a way to take over New York before the Baron kills them all. Colin Robinson leads the group to a council meeting about zoning ordinances where Nandor makes an embarrassing speech detailing the vampires’ demands.
Aside from “a total ban on turtlenecks” and “a vampire-only television channel,” Nadja makes it a point to emphasize that there should be “nun-free zones.” Just to really drive the point home, she believes that it’s important for there to be a large sign in each of the zones stating that there should be no nuns there. It’s a ridiculously hilarious demand that’s only made better by her sudden burst of emotion as if this was the most crucial law that the council should prioritize.
“Five Spits For An Enemy, Lilith.”
Nadja finds herself going against some of the scariest creatures in What We Do In The Shadows in the season 2 episode, “Witches.” Laszlo and Nandor have been abducted by the magical beings who need to extract their sperm to regain their youth.
At first, she finds their entire plot pitiful, as none of the witches in the room pose a threat to her. She even pokes fun at the rapidly aging creatures by saying “What are you gonna do? Moisturize us to death?” However, things take a dark turn when Lilith appears and reminds Nadja of her affair with Laszlo. Nadja says this line to the camera crew after she hilariously spits five times and explains her beef with Lilith, which turns out to have caused her intense hatred for the creatures.
“You Are All Such Strong, Beautiful, Vicious, Vibrant Women. How Did You All End Up Married To Such Boiled Potatoes?”
Nadja is ushered into Charmaine’s kitchen in the third episode of season 2, where the vampires have mistaken an invitation to a Super Bowl party for a “Superb Owl” party. She seems confused about why she has to stay with the women as they bicker about their husbands.
When Charmaine and her friend tell stories about how their husbands prioritized watching sports over important events like an anniversary or a funeral, Nadja is obviously puzzled. She poses this serious but hilarious question, to which the women respond by laughing and brushing it off. Nadja can’t understand why they let men walk over them, given how she would never let Laszlo get away with underestimating her.
“My Lovely B***h, We've Got You.”
Nadja's doll has slowly but surely become part of the gang in WWDITS. The character is just a smaller and arguably more dramatic version of Nadja, which is why chaos ensues when the doll runs away from home. Nadja and Guillermo have a hard time chasing her, as she uses her ghostly abilities to move from one object to another.
She jumps from a statue to a mannequin before eventually possessing a giant inflatable rat. This results in a comical scene where the rat is running down a narrow alley, with Nadja following close behind and screaming that they've got her.
“Here We Have A Sculpture, Which Depicts The Moment That My Parents Conceived Me.”
It's important to Nadja that she doesn't embarrass herself in front of the vampiric community, which is why it's such a stressful time for her when they're tasked with hosting the next orgy. When she's showing off her hard work to the camera crew, the scene quickly turns into a gut-busting sequence full of innuendos.
Alongside "the fluffers' chill-out area" and "the traditional animal fur laden with rings," Nadja is proud to display the sculpture of her parents conceiving her. There's no explanation about why or how she could've gotten such an item made, but it's funny to think that it's still in their house somewhere.
“I Packed You Extra Oreos And Pedialyte This Time Around, Just To Be Nice.”
The vampires seem to think that humans like Guillermo survive by eating Oreos and Pedialyte. This is why Nadja is genuinely confused when an angry Guillermo emerges from his crate after two weeks, as she made sure to pack it full of those items.
The gut-busting line highlights how even when Nadja claims to "be nice," she's too out of touch with a human being's reality that she wouldn't know where to begin. That or she doesn't care enough to consider that Guillermo could've died in that crate, which is just classic Nadja.
“Anyone? Cash. Coin. Gold. Moola. Wonga. Rubles. Lettuce. Dough. Milk. Bread. Sweet Cream.”
Without Guillermo to keep the gang's house tidy, they come home to a creepy mansion full of broken walls and dirty rooms. Nadja is surprisingly among the first to suggest they fix it somehow, but when she asks if anyone has money, she does it in a sidesplitting way.
There's no one responding to her demand for money, so she repeats its synonyms in a futile attempt at getting her point across. It's all just a brilliant and humorous way to suggest that they should open a nightclub, which is a major part of her story arc this season.
“The Custodian Of This Wonderful Raw Space Is Being Something Of A Total Harpy In My Ass.”
A huge hurdle to Nadja's nightclub is the Guide, who has a hard time accepting the necessary changes in the building she has guarded for hundreds of years. She gets into several arguments with Nadja, as the Guide's wraiths undo anything the vampire's workers do around the place.
Nadja gets fed up with the situation and says a funny line in the angriest way, saying that the Guide is being a "total harpy." Their feud thankfully doesn't last for too long, as Laszlo comes up with a questionable way to help his wife get what she wants.