The most recent season of What We Do in the Shadows has continued to enchant audiences with its quirky sense of humor, its bizarre characters, and its unique take on vampire mythology. Though all of the characters are great in their own way, Colin Robinson is a particularly hilarious member of the cast.
With his ability to drain the energy of others and his deadpan delivery, he has quickly become one of the series’ best. Thus, it’s worth taking a look back at the various funny quotes he’s spoken, many of which actually perfectly sum up his personality.
“I’m Not Positive What My Deal Is Either, So I Just Sort Of Keep On Truckin’.”
Season 2, Episode 2, Ghosts
Unlike the other vampires, who are fairly straightforward in their wants and needs, Colin remains something of an enigma. It’s always a little hard, for either the viewers or the characters, to tell who he really is or where he came from.
Therefore, it’s especially fitting that Colin himself would not know either. And, considering the fact that this is Colin Robinson, it’s also not surprising that he would take such a lack of self-knowledge perfectly in stride. Essentially, he’s just happy to be around.
“The Best Ways To Drain People’s Energy Nowadays Is Via The Internet."
Season 2, Episode 7, The Return
In some ways, Colin Robinson is one of the most intelligent characters on What We Do in the Shadows. He knows exactly what it takes to drain energy from others, and he does it without a second thought.
It’s particularly appropriate that, in this quote, he really grasps the fundamentally exhausting nature of the internet, which has allowed people to say what they want without fearing repercussions. This quote not only summarizes Colin’s personality, but also brings a bit of social commentary into the bargain.
"It Says I Am 100% White."
Season 1, Episode 10, Ancestry
When the various members of the household do their DNA tests to determine their ancestry, they come up with some unexpected results. All, that is, except for Colin, whose results simply assert that he is 100% white.
This is a perfect encapsulation of his personality, as he is such a bland person that it is difficult, if not impossible, to imagine him having a terribly interesting family background. And, of course, it is delivered in Colin’s typical deadpan, which makes the quote all the more appropriate as a summary of his character.
"I Don't Live To Drain, I Drain To Live."
Season 2, Episode 5, Colin's Promotion
Part of what makes What We Do in the Shadows such an excellent vampire show is its ability to take the typical mythology of vampires in new directions. As an energy vampire, Colin can walk in the daylight and also not rely on blood.
As this quote demonstrates, however, he’s more than happy to admit that, when it comes right down to it, he just does it because he needs to do it to survive. Unlike the other vampires, who seem to take joy in their devouring of others, Colin is as boring as one would expect.
"I Have My Trail Mix, Not To Eat... But To Shove Into The Crevices Of The Seats."
Season 3, Episode 9, A Farewell
There’s no question that What We Do in the Shadows is one of the best shows on FX, and in large part that stems from its unique sense of humor and its sharp writing. Lines like this one are not only very funny, but they also reveal a great deal about Colin’s character.
He is definitely the type of vampire who would use trail mix not to actually eat but, instead, to use it to irritate other people as much as possible. As is so often the case, he knows just the right way to press others’ buttons and drive them to distraction.
“When It Comes To Zoning Ordinances, I Have A Few Thoughts.”
Season 1, Episode 2, City Council
There are many funny moments in What We Do in the Shadows, but one of the most amusing is when Colin goes to the town meeting and proudly pronounces that he has many thoughts about zoning ordinances. It is a perfect distillation of Colin’s personality as an energy vampire.
He aptly realizes what a boring subject this is, and he makes sure that he uses it to drain the energy of literally anyone around him. He has a keen understanding of modern life and soul-sucking it can be.
"That's Just Brooklyn."
Season 2, Episode 9, Witches
One of the things that makes Colin Robinson one of the best characters on What We Do in the Shadows is his simple ability to deliver a line in such a way that it is both deadly serious and simultaneously hilarious.
In this line, which is a bit of a dig at Brooklyn, he manages to not only take a potshot at one of the boroughs of New York City, but also to demonstrate the extent to which he remains a very funny character. He is always very matter-of-fact, which actually amplifies the humor in everything he does.
"I Don't Want The Others To Think That I'm Not Down To Clown"
Season 3 Episode 3, Gail
Colin Robinson is one of the most unique characters in What We Do In The Shadows. In part, this stems from his ability to simply drain the energy from the room just by stepping into it. Even lines like this, which should indicate his ability to be something other than an emotional drain, becomes instead just another iteration of his uncanny ability to perform his key function as an energy vampire.
He might be down to have fun, but he would almost certainly use this as another opportunity to drain others.
“It's A Cologne/Aftershave Mix I Found In The Bathroom At Work.”
Season 1, Episode 8, Citizenship
Colin Robinson is the type of person that knows how to not only deliver a line in a hilarious fashion, but also how to irritate even the most unflappable of his roommates. In this case, he knows that adopting this particular cologne will drive Laszlo crazy which, of course, is just what happens.
This quote shows just how skilled Colin is at knowing the right pressure points to use to exasperate everyone around him, including and especially the people that he happens to be living with.
“I Wish You Nothing But Continued Success Feeding On The Addle-Brained Cattle That Waste Their Lives Around Us.”
Season 3, Episode 1, Werewolf Feud
There are many important relationships that emerge during the course of the series, but one of the most vital, at least at first, is the romance between Colin and Evie. Though it doesn’t last, it doesn’t seem to get Colin down very much.
In fact, as this quote makes clear, he is more than happy to bid her a fond farewell and to wish her luck in her continuing efforts to be an emotional vampire. Say what one will about Colin, he doesn’t hold a grudge.