The core relationship in The Vampire Diaries is between Elena and Damon. Elena did have major friendships with others, and a romantic affair with Damon’s brother Stefan early on, but the show is ultimately about the love between Elena and Damon.
The problem with that is that their relationship occasionally doesn’t make sense. They have their moments of affection, hostility, and friendship, and while there are scenes that do make sense for each one, there seem to be even more that just don't add up.
Every show has something about it that doesn’t make sense, no matter how hard the writers, creators, and producers attempt to make everything sensible. Sometimes it’s not on purpose, as continuity is forgotten or characters need to act a certain way-- different from their usual behavior-- to move the plot along.
Damon and Elena seemed to have more issues than any other couple on the show. Maybe that was because they were the focus, and for many episodes and arcs, they were involved in many other relationships - romantic and platonic.
Much of this list contains behaviors that conflict with previous scenes or dialogue. Some other entries extract parts of storylines that involve Damon or Elena and show you how much establishing those characters is important in keeping their relationship believable and consistent. There are, of course spoilers, so anyone who has yet to finish The Vampire Diaries should tread somewhat carefully.
Here are 20 Things That Make No Sense About Damon And Elena’s Relationship.
20 Damon's Violent Streaks
Damon has a temper. Many of Damon’s violent actions occur because he’s upset with Elena or she has done something to spark his anger. He goes on reckless sprees, hurting many people in the process.
Elena overlooks this about Damon.
Even as a human, Elena’s moral character becomes weak when she glosses over the violence because a part of her sees the good in Damon. A small argument could be made that after she becomes a vampire, Elena understands what Damon goes through, butElena never had as many outbursts as Damon.
Is that enough to foster a solid relationship - friendship or romantic? For most couples, a temper that results in people getting wiped out would be a relationship-ender.
19 Books to TV Show Inconsistencies
The creators changed some aspects of Elena and Damon and their relationship from the novel series.
In the books, Elena was selfish and always got what she wants. This is different than the caring and loving person in the show. Damon is a completely different vampire who really hated his brother, Stefan.
However, the one thing that remained the same between the TV show and books is Damon’s reactions when he makes advances towards Elena. Elena in the books rejects him constantly, which causes him to lash out with jealousy.
If you haven’t read the books, Elena eventually chooses Stefan as her life partner for eternity.
18 Shallow Feelings from Elena
For many of the early seasons, Elena struggled with her feelings for Damon and Stefan. Damon tried to get her to confess her love for him. She fought it, but somehow managed to reciprocate the same kind of emotion back to Damon.
But that was only on the surface. Elena seemed like she couldn’t grasp what she was really feeling for Damon.
It was obvious to fans that, deep down, she still loved Stefan no matter what she felt for Damon.
That didn’t make sense, since she allowed those outward affections to overtake anything she had for Stefan. It's almost like she was so defeated and exhausted from the emotions that it was easier for her to simply choose Damon.
17 Elena Forgives Damon For Everything
At its most basic level, Damon and Elena’s relationship is based on control, fear, and physical attraction. Unlike Elena and Stefan as a couple, Elena and Damon have no solid foundation to sustain a long-term relationship.
The main problem is that Damon abuses Elena emotionally and physically way too many times. She shouldn’t simply say, “I see something good in him” to stay with Damon. For example, Damon broke Elena’s hand when she tried to slap him out of frustration. He caught the hand and squeezed it until her bones snapped.
When Elenawent to save her boyfriend at a lake, Damon threw her into that lake because he was jealous. But Elena constantly forgives him, no matter how badly he treats her.
16 Damon loved her doppelganger first
Damon’s returned to Mystic Falls for one reason: to help the woman he loved - Katherine Pierce - for over a century escape the tomb she was in. When he went to free Katherine, he learned she had already left the tomb and never came looking for Damon.
He had been in love with Katherine, but she had never loved him back. As time went on, Damon grew to dislike Katherine. However, he started to befriend Katherine’s doppelganger, who happened to be Elena.
Wouldn’t this cause some awkwardness for Damon?
The woman he had loved for 145 years never returned those same feelings, but here is Elena, who he grew to like, then love. Emotions aside, Elena looking like Katherine probably should have caused more resentment, but things between them progressed as if Elena wasn’t a doppelganger.
15 Too many break ups and make ups
If you take a look at the Damon and Elena’s relationship from his point of view, you might get the impression that he’s indifferent to having Elena in his life. When they are together and “good” (meaning Damon hasn’t gone on a violent streak or done something to Elena’s friends) they are really good.
But they break up multiple times. Once, he claims he broke up with her when she attended college because he saw how he was changing her, so he broke up with her. He tends to cast their relationship, no matter what type it is, aside without another thought. He tries to move on.
When the desire is too great to resist, and they decide to get back together, all is forgiven, which is a big theme between Damon and Elena.
14 Damon shares blood with Elena while she's still with Stefan
When The Vampire Diaries had Elena share Damon’s blood, creator Julie Plec said that it’s “a little bit of a shout-out to the books.” Blood sharing, we learn from the show, is a very intimate experience.
In one episode, Damon decides to share his blood with Elena. Except Elena is still with Stefan at this point. And being very intimate, as Plec says, “you really shouldn’t be doing it with anybody who’s not your one true vampire love.”
Elena had no idea what was going on, but Damon did.
Stefan was furious, but Elena didn’t seem quite as upset as Stefan. Once again, it was Damon’s selfish behavior that threw a wrench in things.
13 Damon attacked her little brother
In the season two episode “The Return”, Damon finds out that Katherine never loved him. He goes to Elena’s place to wait for her. When she shows up, Damon and Elena have a talk.
Damon informs Elena that she is hiding her true feelings for him from herself, so he kisses her. Elena finds it necessary to tell him that, while she truly cares about Damon, her life will always be with Stefan.
This angers Damon greatly. And in response to Elena, Damon finds her brother Jeremy and snaps his neck. Elena does tell Stefan that she hates Damon, but when Damon and her finally get together, the incident with her brother is completely forgotten. Jeremy did come back to life later.
12 Damon got with her mother
At the time Damon and Isobel start their relationship, Damon is a cured vampire. Damon had turned Isobel into a vampire, who then returned to Mystic Falls later. Isobel wished to cause harm to Elena, who happened to be her daughter.
Elena doesn’t seem bothered by the fact Damon got with her birth mother.
It is possible that Elena doesn’t know, but you have to assume when Isobel threatened Elena, she probably used her past with Damon to cause further issues.
Another reason Elena probably doesn’t seem bothered is that Damon and Isobel only had a physical affair. Still, if Elena had learned how violent he was to Isobel to make her leave town, Elena would be bothered.
11 Damon Used his Special Powers on Elena in the pilot
In the premiere episode, viewers were treated with a display of Damon’s powers. While Elena was sitting in a cemetery, writing in her diary, Damon conjured fog and crows.
Elena didn’t really freak out. She acted like it was an everyday occurrence. Perhaps she had other stuff on her mind, like the passing of her parents.
Even early on, Elena’s reaction to this new supernatural world around her was sometimes indifferent. With Damon, she focused on getting him to act good, despite knowing what he was capable of.
Maybe she wasn’t all that afraid because she knew something viewers didn’t: that the fog and crow powers would never be used again after the pilot.
10 Damon blames the Sire Bond for Elena's love
The sire bond is a connection between a vampire and the person they turn. The sired then shows their loyalty by following the orders of their sire-- sometimes called a master.
In The Vampire Diaries, Damon creates a sire bond by turning Elena. Elena realizes her strong love for Damon and professes her love to him, but Damon only thinks she is saying that because of the bond.
We learn in the show that the bond only affects actions, not emotions like love.
If anyone should know this, Damon should. He’s over 170 years old and was sired himself by Katherine. Why was he skeptical about her love confession? He pretty much flat-out didn’t believe it.
9 Elena Chooses Damon... Twice
The cornerstone relationship in The Vampire Diaries is between Damon and Elena. They each had other relationships, but it was their love and desire that took center stage in the television program.
Except Elena had to choose Damon twice, which, in the grand scope of the show, didn’t make sense. While the show was on the air - and even to this day - fans were either Team Damon or Team Stefan.
To choose to be with Damon more than once may have meant she had fallen out of love with him-- or it could have meant Elena always had feelings for Stefan, who she probably fit better with anyway.
8 The Diaries
The word is in the name of the TV show. If the creators wanted to use the word "diaries" merely to represent an account of the lives in Mystic Falls, then they shouldn’t have teased viewers with actual diaries.
Stefan and Elena had diaries, which were catalysts to how they met. It was interesting to see her viewpoint of events through her human eyes, and vice versa with Stefan. It’s clear the diaries were important.
Thus, it’s understandable why they ended up together in the beginning. But what about Damon? He didn't start writing in a diary until season 7 and it wasn't really seen again.
With how much they had in common, Stefan and Elena should have stayed together. Damon and Elena just didn’t have the compatibility.
7 Elena's Hallucination Relationship with Damon
When Damon perishes, Elena is extremely heartbroken, so she decides to do something drastic. Elena begins taking special substances to induce hallucinations of Damon. She doesn’t want to believe the person she loved is gone.
What she’s doing is dangerous, mainly because of the type and amount of substance she’s ingesting. Eventually, she sees the harm and goes to Alaric to remove the memories of Damon. What doesn’t make sense is what comes before.
Not one of her friends steps up to force some kind of intervention, subtle or direct.
Do some people see it and don’t care? Elena is having a ghost-relationship with Damon at this point, which is an unhealthy way to grieve, but most of her friends apparently feel it’s the right way for Elena. No matter how hazardous.
6 Damon turned Elena and pushed vampire blood on her
Vampires usually turns humans by biting their necks. For the most part, the humans who are turned don’t know what’s happening to them until it’s over and they wake as vampires. Some humans want to change. Elena, however, had no desire to become a vampire. Still, Damon turned her.
While Elena is trying to adapt to drinking animal blood, Damon pushes his own blood on her.
It could be considered selfish, but afterward, Elena was just fine with Damon turning her and giving her his blood. At least, the method wasn’t as painful and violent as some others on the show.
Could she have been angrier at Damon for doing what he did? Sure, but as Elena often did during the show, she forgave him.
5 Damon repeatedly compelled her
Because Damon has the ability to control others through “compelling,” most of his relationships progress this way-- included his bond with Elena.
Damon “compelled” her on a few occasions, and essentially controlled her during the sire bond situation.
What makes no sense is that at no time did Elena realize this was happening to her, even when she wasn’t under Damon’s control. She never really questioned her actions while under the influence, nor did anyone step up to tell her some of the things she did or thought or said were out of character for her.
Also, no one ever decided to confront Damon about “compelling” or controlling others, especially Elena.
4 Damon Abused Elena's Best Friend
Damon’s attitude towards Caroline was one of disdain and indifference. He continuously hurt Caroline through a variety of ways (which seems to be Damon’s modus operandi through life) including meaningless hook-ups and thinking that she was just something to play with.
In less than 24 hours, Damon has bit her neck, then attacked her the next morning. Later, Damon “compelled” Caroline to wear a dress he wanted to see her in. It got worse form there.
Elena was horrified at first to find out Damon treated her friend like this.
She even called him cruel, but all was forgotten when it came time to share her feelings for him. Elena should have at least been worried about being treated the same way.
3 Elena only loved Damon after she was turned
It was established in another part of this list that Damon uses his special abilities to get people and vampires to do what he wants. With Elena, he doesn’t let their romantic relationship progress as naturally as it should.
Instead, he hurries up Elena’s love for him. In many ways, Damon knew what he was doing and who he was hurting when he turned Elena into a vampire. He was definitely aware that Elena’s emotions would be heightened, especially after the sire bond.
In truth, Elena didn’t realize she had a deep love inside her for Damon until after she became a vampire. Is it possible that if she wasn’t turned she’d still be with Stefan?
2 Everyone Is Afraid of Damon
Damon has lived a long life (about 180 years) and has befriended many, fell in love with many, and made enemies of many. No one has ever really had the gumption to stand up to him -- except Elena.
Damon wasn’t the most powerful vampire, and if enough people got together, they could find a way to put Damon in his place. But the demure little human, Elena, wasn’t afraid of him and had no issues calling him out when it suited her.
Unfortunately, it seems like she never really called out the bad things he did. Her reasoning was that she saw something in him that wasn’t all evil, even when he was visibly doing evil things.
1 Damon's Love A Problem
As this list has established, Damon has a problem keeping his anger subdued. From the first episode, continuing through season after season, Damon lashes out at the smallest provocation.
In season 3, Damon gets his neck broken when Elena visits Ester. At that point, Elena calls Damon’s love "a problem."
It’s easy to understand why: all you have to do is go back to any scene where Damon is mean to Elena.
Elena regrets the words and tries to apologize and make excuses, but Damon ignores all that. He goes out with Rebekah. A totally appropriate response, right? Never mind the fact that Elena has already forgiven him for so many things already.
What didn’t make sense about Damon and Elena’s relationship for you in The Vampire Diaries? Let us know in the comments!