Every adventure needs an ending, whether it’s a Norse epic like God of War: Ragnarok or rescuing the princess in Super Mario. Most video games have endings because that’s the goal that people work for. That being said, not every video game ending is necessarily poignant or fitting.
The '80s and '90s were a fun time for video games. It was slowly but surely inserting itself into the mainstream. Even old arcade games that existed to eat as many quarters from kids as possible had some form of ending. When the devs take “liberties” with said endings, the results are hilarious.
Hot Girl Summer - Street Fighter II
Chun Li is considered by many to be the matriarch for the representation of women in video games. She was a badass cop who still found time to be fashionable and help out kids. Her backstory, seeking justice for her father’s death at the hands of M. Bison, reaches its end in her arcade ending.
Charmingly, she metaphorically (and literally) lets her hair down, excited at the prospect of being a young, single girl again. It’s easy to forget that Chun Li, at the end of the day, has a life outside of fighting psychic war criminals. The streets simply aren’t ready for party girl Chun Li.
A Living Nightmare - Ghosts 'n Goblins
Infamous for its incredible difficulty even in an era of difficult Capcom games, Ghost 'n Goblins is either loved or hated by retro fans. After braving the monsters of the dark overlord that captured the princess, Arthur finally beats his adversary. Except that’s not really what happens.
This was merely the first “ending.” It’s revealed that the entire sequence was a dream cursed upon Arthur by the villain. Now that they’re actually awake, it’s time to save the princess for real. Many arcade machines developed mysterious boot-shaped dents after this rug pull of an ending.
The Real World - Golden Axe
Golden Axe is a classic SEGA arcade hack-n-slash with all the '80s fantasy aesthetic young children could want. Fantastical beasts, muscular heroes, and dark overlords at the end of the adventure. The game greets the player with a typical victory screen at first, before mysteriously zooming out.
It’s revealed that Golden Axe was a game within a game all along. The player was simply controlling another player, in this case, a teenage boy. Much to their shock, the arcade machine they’re playing on explodes, causing Golden Axe’s villains to wreak havoc on the “real world”. Congratulations, a great evil has been unleashed.
Screaming Skull - Narc
Narc was a game that was clearly created to cash in on the DARE scare campaigns sweeping through the nation at the time. As such, it’s over the top in the best (or worst, depending on one’s personal opinions) way possible in its dealings with drug dealers. Namely, with excessive violence and firepower. Eventually, the player faces the notorious Mr. Big in his penthouse to end the drug trade once and for all.
A shootout ensues but the real surprise comes when he transforms into a shrieking skull, gnashing its teeth at the player. There was no indication of supernatural elements before this, so the contrast of a clearly demonic skull against normal dudes with guns is hilarious in its own right.
Burgers and Fries - Bad Dudes
If ever there was a video game that defined '80s urban aesthetic, it would be Bad Dudes. The premise is silly enough, with two street-smart brawlers being hired by the Secret Service after the “rampant ninja crime” results in “President Ronnie” being kidnapped. After fighting through hordes of ninjas, the dynamic duo rescues President Ronnie, and he thanks them in a surprisingly calm fashion.
He then offers to have burgers and fries with the two youths, and the game ends with a shot of President Ronnie laughing while eating a burger. It was clear from the get-go this wasn’t a serious game, but the casual nature of everyone involved in a kidnapping is pretty hilarious.
Celebrity Impersonation - Cruis’n World
If Bad Dudes was the epitome of '80s “cool kids”, then Cruis’n World was an unapologetic send-up to the culture of rebellious excess in the '90s. After a whole game’s worth of being set on nice, solid Earth ground, the ending rewards the player by taking them to the moon to party it up with “celebrity impersonator” President Bill Clinton.
The player knows they are impersonators because the game does them the favor of flashing it in big blue letters before the moon trip. It was meant to be funny for its time of course. However, the overly excited narration, over-the-top aesthetic, and scantily clad women place it firmly in embarrassing territory, albeit in a nostalgic way.
Amazing! - Takeshi’s Challenge
Noted as one of the most difficult video games of all time, Takeshi’s Challenge was innovative in the ways it made players tear their hair out. It was a proto-Sandbox world, giving the player freedom in what they wanted to pursue first. It even necessitated the use of voice commands at a time when most people didn’t even know consoles had mics on them.
After the grueling journey of going through the game’s less-than-obvious solutions, the player finally finds the fabled treasure they’ve been working for. However, there is no grand music or great reveal. Just a smiling Takeshi either congratulating you with broken English. If they wait long enough, Takeshi asks the player why they even finished this "crappy game." It bears mentioning that Takeshi was drunk for most of the game’s development and hated video games.
And Cut! - Altered Beast
Altered Beast was a mostly forgotten beat-em-up game by Sega in the 1980s. It was a standard premise, as the player is tasked with rescuing Zeus’ daughter from an evil sorcerer. The story follows the beats that most would expect. As the player celebrates beating the game, however, they’re not the only ones celebrating.
It’s suddenly revealed that the entire story was a movie shoot. There were no real sorcerers, monsters, or even a girl to save. They were all paid actors, who promptly left the set for a night on the town. It’s a pretty fun and meta ending that points out how oversaturated the gaming market has been with these kinds of stories.
Violent Wingman - Final Fight
The first Final Fight is fondly remembered as one of the best beat-em-up games of all time. Cody and Guy would go on to become mainstays of the Street Fighter franchise as a result. In the end, Cody and Guy do end up saving the girl. Cody being Cody however, he awkwardly shuffles off while Jessica chases after him.
Guy, usually the stoic one, gets tired of Cody ignoring her and beats him up, leaving Jessica free to talk to Cody. Despite the sudden beatdown, players can’t help but laugh at how Guy sticks up for his two friends, even if he has to talk to them with his fists. Sometimes, a wingman has to improvise.
This Is a Fatality - Mortal Kombat 4
Mortal Kombat 4 is a polarizing title amongst fans of the bloody franchise. On one hand, it signaled the end of 2D-style Mortal Kombat games for an entire decade. The shift to 3D wasn’t nearly as smooth as born 3D fighters such as Tekken and Virtua Fighter either. On the other hand, it has one of the most amazing endings in Mortal Kombat’s history.
Most veteran Mortal Kombat fans can probably recite Jax’s arcade ending by heart. The voice acting is so atrocious that it loops back around to being glorious. So many questions such as “Why didn’t Jax just save Sonya if he was only a few feet away” or “How did Jarek climb up the cliff the first time despite running headfirst” are never answered. There is only Jarek’s funny scream.