Two and a Half Men ran was a staple for CBS's Monday Night Comedies from the second the pilot aired, followed by a stellar first season and an improved sophomore year. But ask any true fans of the show and they'll say that season 3 is where Charlie, Alan, and Jake Harper truly hit their stride.
The comedy about a well-off brother who has to take in his down-on-his-luck younger brother and numskull nephew continued to make audiences keel over in their seats and struck gold when they added the characters of Kandi and Mia to spice up the brothers' romantic lives. All of this equated to one of the best seasons Two and a Half Men ever produced.
Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympics Gymnasts, Episode 1 (8.1)
To start the season off, the episode dealt with a severely injured Alan who hurt himself by falling off the roof (because of his insistence that there was no need to call 'the guy' to fix the antenna) and Charlie and Jake being less than sympathetic or helpful.
While Alan lies incapacitated on the couch in agony, Jake drives Charlie up a wall as he pesters him about going out for fried chicken and to rent a video game. Charlie reaches a boiling point and tries to return Jake to his mother, but she hides behind the couch not wanting to deal with her adolescent son.
That Special Tug, Episode 12 (8.2)
A truly unique episode of Two and a Half Men opened with Charlie in a therapist's office speaking to a psychiatrist (Jane Lynch) but not specifying exactly why he's there. He goes on to tell the therapist a story that occurred a few days earlier where Alan has several mental breakdowns about all of the changes going on in his life and how Charlie has had to deal with his manic brother throughout all of the hysteria.
When Charlie gets to the end of his tale, the therapist divulges that she still doesn't understand why he's there - to which Charlie admits that he's having thoughts of killing Alan and thinks he can cop an insanity plea if he's already going to a therapist.
That Pistol-Packin Hermaphrodite, Episode 24 (8.2)
The season 3 finale started off from the previous episode's cliffhanger where Charlie asks his former girlfriend, Mia, to marry him. The proposal was a complete shock and out of the blue and the episode follows Charlie and Mia announcing the engagement to their parents and preparing for the wedding... only to realize that a wedding with their families would be a complete mess.
They decide to head to Vegas to elope, but once there Mia reveals that she wants Alan to move out and Charlie refuses. They end their engagement and Charlie prepares to get plastered - only for the season to end on the cliffhanger of Alan and Kandi spontaneously getting married.
Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover, Episode 2 (8.3)
Jake wasn't known for being the brightest kid in school, so naturally, he almost got himself expelled when he drew a distasteful picture of a girl in his class who had already started 'developing as a woman' and shared it with his classmates.
Alan is forced to meet with Jake's principal while Charlie is left with the task of watching Alan's office while he handles Jake's problem - only to turn the chiropractor office into a brothel when he hires a "happy-ending" masseuse.
Love Isn't Blind It's Retarded, Episode 14 (8.3)
As stated, season 3 of Two and a Half Men was the year that they added Mia, Charlie's love interest, and Kandi, Alan's love interest. However, before Kandi was Alan's girl she was Charlie's and Charlie hadn't filled her in about his new girl, Mia.
During this episode, Kandi keeps coming to the house to ask about where Charlie has been, only for Mia to finally find out about her and realize that Charlie is keeping her around as a "back-up" for when they fail. Charlie decides to finally tell Kandi the truth... but can't because Alan ended up in bed with her.
That Voodoo That I Do Do, Episode 8 (8.4)
The episode where Charlie meets Mia for the first time aired in 2005 and might not have flown in today's world since Charlie went through some sketchy means to find her. Charlie notices Mia in a coffee shop and she shows nothing but utter contempt for him.
Using a few clues from her appearance, Charlie deciphers she's a dancer, scours the area around the coffee shop for dance studios until he finds her, then recruits Jake to enroll in the class so that he can continually see her. He ended up with a date and the writers did their best to make Charlie's actions seem endearing and sincere, but in retrospect, this was a little much.
Santa's Village of the Damned, Episode 11 (8.4)
Alan was never the womanizer of the two brothers but he routinely had girlfriends that would make appearances, such as Sandy, the woman who wouldn't stop cooking and loved Christmas. In the season 3 holiday episode, Alan's girlfriend nests in Charlie's house and makes herself quite at home while simultaneously making Alan and Charlie pack on the pounds from her cooking.
The boys all think she's perfect and can't find a flaw... only for them to discover that Sandy genuinely believes in Santa Clause and goes crazy when she fails at catching him every year.
Always A Bridesmaid Never A Burro, Episode 20 (8.4)
There was so much criss-cross family-drama in this episode that it was hard to keep track of it all. Kandi breaks up with Alan, moves in with his ex-wife, Judith. Charlie starts dating Kandi's mom, Mandi while Judith goes on a date with Kandi's dad, Andy.
Alan eventually goes over to his ex-wife's house to win Kandi back (which he does) and all three couples (Alan/Kandi, Charlie/Mandi, Judith/Andy) end up in Judith's house having sex at the same time. In typical sitcom fashion, the couples run into one another and ruin each other's nights.
Ergo the Booty Call, Episode 16 (8.5)
Since Jake was still a young child in the early years, the first few seasons of Two and a Half Men usually spent an episode every season at Jake's birthday party. During this particular year, Alan was dating Kandi (whom Jake got along with great due to them being mentally the same age) and he invited her to his party.
Alan is terrified of this since Judith and all of her friends are going to be at the party and he knows they'll hate him for sleeping with a young 22-year-old. But Charlie eventually convinces his dimwitted little brother that his ex-wife made him miserable and he has every right to show off his new girlfriend to her - which he does.
Hi Mr. Horned One, Episode 6 (8.6)
The top-rated episode of season 3 deservedly earns its rank as one of the funniest Two and Half Men episodes ever as it follows Charlie and his relationship with a woman who appears to be in a cult. The woman gives Alan the creeps but Charlie can't see past her sexiness - that is until the woman uses Charlie in a satanic ritual in order to bring forth demons from Hell.
The brothers decide to try and kick the woman out of the house, but she informs Charlie that he made a sacred-covenant during the ritual and there are dire consequences to breaking it. However, the episode ends with Evelyn showing up at the house and scaring the woman away as the two ladies already know each other (from spin class).