Got a light? After eighteen hours of that gum you like being back in style, it's all over. Twin Peaks: The Return, the third season of David Lynch's coffee-drenched exploration of humanity's darkness that we never thought we'd get, was a sometimes abstract, always labyrinthine TV experiment that straddled genres. And after the hilarity of Dougie, the horror of Mr. C and the frank bizarreness of Episode 8 (you know what we mean), the finale delivered.
A lot went down, so here's a handy guide to the end of Season 3 - and perhaps Twin Peaks forever. Spoilers (and cherry pie) aplenty.
Lucy shot Mr. C and Freddy kills BOB. Dark Cooper goes to Jack Rabbit's Palace in the woods outside Twin Peaks and is sucked up in the portal where he's taken to the auditorium inhabited by the giant and Major Briggs. He's deposited at Twin Peak Sherrif Department where he reunites with the gang and meets the new Sherrif Truman. Partway through their silent meeting, the real Cooper calls and guns are pulled - with high-pitched receptionist Lucy unexpectedly taking the first shot. Mr. C is killed and the Lodge sprites unleash BOB, who as predicted by Dale shows down with strong-gloved Freddy. It's a bloody fight, but in the end the cockney seemingly destroys the demonic force.
The eyeless girl is the real Diane. The eyeless girl who Andy saved a couple of weeks ago goes berserk in the cells when Mr. C arrives. She's saved by Andy and James and, after Mr. C is dead, she transports into the Black Lodge, her face cracks open and transforms into the real Diane right in front of Cooper, the police and everyone else. This Diane has red instead of white hair and probably wouldn't tell Albert to f*ck off. She and Coop share a kiss before he goes on his next mission.
Cooper travels back in time to save Laura Palmer. The one-armed man takes Cooper to meet Phillip Jefferies (David Bowie's character, now a boiler) who sends him back to the night Laura Palmer died. He interrupts the events of Fire Walk With Me and takes her away, leading to her plastic-wrapped body symbolically disappearing the morning after. Things don't quite go quite to plan, however, and Laura disappears, Cooper returns to the Black Lodge, then breaks out of it to run away with Diane.
Dougie is brought back by the one-armed man. In a brief interlude, we see Mr. C - whose body was returned to the Black Lodge when real Cooper put the green ring on his finger - burned and turned into one of the golden balls. This, paired with the lock of hair Dale gave the one-armed man creates a new Dougie Jones who is able to return home and be with his family. We don't see him again but this appears to be a good version, not the sleazebag we were first introduced to; the closest Twin Peaks gets to a resolute and happy ending.
Cooper travels to an alternate dimension where Laura Palmer "lives", but his plan may be in vain. In the final hour of The Return, Cooper and Diane travel through a rift in space-time (enabled via electricity) that takes them to a world similar - but not identical - to our own. He and Diane (although under different names) get intimate before she leaves and he hunts down waitress Carrie Page (played by Sheryl Lee) who he believes to be Laura Palmer. He drives her to Twin Peaks, trying to take her home and reunite her with her family. However, when he arrives there's no trace of the people he knew - Laura's house is owned by a totally different person who's never heard of the Palmers.
Laura remembers? As Cooper questions what year it is, Laura seems to remember - or at least realize - something. She screams and we cut back to the Black Lodge where she's whispering in Coop's ear.
What does it mean? Stick with Screen Rant for Twin Peaks explainers and other features.