Who doesn’t love Thor? He’s got great hair, massive biceps, and talks like a theater nerd. Basically, he’s the perfect package. Funny thing is, pretty much nobody liked Thor when he was first introduced in 1963’s Journey Into Mystery #83.
Well, maybe some diehard comic fans did, but over the next couple decades the rest of us were too busy watching X-Men cartoons and trying to climb up walls like Spider-Man to give two Mjolnirs what some weird talking, Fabio-lookalike was doing in outer space. Though it turns out the God of Thunder was up to some pretty freaky stuff up there, and making a name for himself as a real jerk.
The Almighty Thor was created by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby in an effort to create a superhero even stronger than the Hulk. While we’re not sure he’s that strong, he is about as mighty as they come, and thanks to Chris Hemsworth, he’s a lot more popular these days.
However, he might not be as deserving of our admiration as one would think. Chumming it with Nazis, reckless sex, murder and a weird codpiece phase are just a few of the less than worthy things that this Asgardian god would rather keep hidden away in the depths of Valhalla. Too bad.
By the beard of Odin! Here are the 15 Worst Things Thor Has Ever Done.
15. When He Conquered Earth
In 2003’s Thor #68, writers ran out of good ideas so they decided to give the God of Thunder a makeover as the Lord of Earth. Jumping seventeen years into the future, both New York and Asgard are left in ruin following a war between humanity and the gods which leaves Thor ruling over the entire planet.
He begets a son with Amora the Enchantress, hires Loki as his head of security, and orders the demolition of the Avengers. Too boot, all babies must be registered at birth in case they become threats to his new world order.
Impressively, Thor’s rule lasts for hundreds of years and despite his whole “reconditioning” of anyone who opposes, things don’t turn out all that bad as all famine, war and poverty are eradicated. That is unless you consider humanity losing its will to live as a bad thing.
Luckily everything gets reversed thanks to a bit of time travel nonsense. However, present day good guy Thor is left with the knowledge that given just a little nudge in the other direction, he could be a real jerk.
14. When He Needed a Massive Gun To Feel Worthy
Anyone freaking out over the fact Chris Hemsworth’s Thor uses a gun in Thor: Ragnarok, probably hasn’t read 1991’s Thor #435. Around this time Thor had been banished by Odin and some New York architect named Eric Masterson was given Mjolnir in the role as New Thor.
Everyone had a real hard time accepting Thor 2.o in both the real world and comic world. Which is probably why he felt the need to overcompensate so much with oversized weaponry.
Just a few issues into his new stint, New Thor has to help the Asgardians free Odin from a violent takeover. During their seige, Eric grows impatient and decides to take matters into his own hands, literally. He grabs a nearby “mega-gun” being used by the invaders and goes to town on everyone in sight.
Afterwards the Asgardians are appalled, claiming “Thou demaean thy godly power by resorting to a such spineless weapon.” We’d have to agree. As awesome as Thor shooting a massive machine gun is, there’s just something not right about the God of Thunder needing a master blaster to win the day.
13. When He Nuked China
Anyone who’s ever read an early Captain America comic knows that political correctness was not a thing in the early days of comics. On top of that having a massive blond hair, blue eyed god and one-time Nazi collaborator as a hero didn’t exactly do a lot for race relations. Neither did that one time Thor blew up nuked China.
In Journey Into Mystery #93 its been a slow week in the cosmos so Thor decides to take on Communist China. After laying the hammer down on the Red Army, they retaliate by creating the super villain Radio-Active Man and unleashing him upon New York City.
Radio-Active Man proves a mild nuisance for Thor, hypnotizing him with electricity because apparently that’s a thing and then throwing his hammer in the ocean.
When Thor finally retrieves Mjolnir, he’s had enough and so summons a tornado to carry Radio-Active Man back to China despite the villains warning that doing so will cause a nuclear explosion. Thor’s response? “Sucks for you.” With that, Thor nonchalantly killed millions of people.
12. When He Joined Up with Hydra
Thor’s most recent run of horribleness was during 2017’s Secret Empire when as the armless Odinson he became a card carrying member of Hydra. Though he was not alone, as most of the Avengers followed evil Captain America on the path to neo-Nazism.
All that is behind us now, as few were big fans of Cap becoming a tyrannical fascist overlord, but for awhile there Thor was a certifiable villain.
The God of Thunder’s reasoning as to why he turned to the dark side was noble enough, as he genuinely believed he had to do so in order to protect those he loved. Also, Captain America beat him up and stole his hammer, which forced him to take a knee.
11. When He Killed Loki
Loki and Thor have been going at it since time immemorial. However, you always got the feeling that deep down they cared for one another too much for their brotherly feuds to ever amount to anything too severe. That is accept for that one time Thor straight up murdered Loki.
During Thor #432 Loki kidnaps the son of Eric Masterson (Thor’s new Earthly body, long story) and threatens to kill the boy unless his bro chalks up Mjolnir. Thor instead opts for option three and beats the crap out of Loki. However, being the good Asgardian god that he is, Thor shows Loki merci giving the Maker of Mischief just enough time to kill someone else nearby.
Outraged, Thor proclaims Asgardian justice “too compassionate” and literally rips the life-force right from Loki’s body, vaporizing him dead on the spot. For this Odin banishes Thor for all of eternity (what else is new) and Masterson becomes the new Thor until everything was retconned a few issues later.
10. When He Knocked Up Hela
After the events of Ultimatum, where Thor ends up sacrificing himself to save the life of Valkyrie, who he’s kind of dating at that point, he becomes stuck in Valhalla.
In 2010’s followp-up Ultimate Comics: New Ultimates, the Goddess of Death Hela gives him a choice — sleep with her and be released from Valhalla or don’t sleep with her and rot in hell for the rest of eternity. What do you think he does?
One day later… Hela is pregnant. While surely Thor’s godlike virility played a part, this rather quick development happens because, in the fiery abyss of Valhalla, time really isn’t a thing.
Sadly, Valkyrie saw the whole thing go down and now feels pretty bad. Also, Thor just helped Hela bring a demon child into the world named Modi Thorson. Don’t worry, though, in another followup series, Ultimate Comics: Ultimates, Thor kills Modi and gets back together with his old flame, Jane Foster. Who says there’s no such thing as happy endings?
9. When He Joined Forces with Hitler
We think everyone can agree, Hitler is the worst. Having anything to do with him is universally not cool. So just imagine Captain America and Co’s surprise when, in The Invaders #32, it was discovered that Thor was helping Nazis on a mission to kill Joseph Stalin.
The crazy thing is Thor wasn’t even brainwashed at the time. All it takes is a brief mention of Teutonic glory, a shared mutual appreciation of Wagner and Hitler asking nicely for the God of Thunder to jump on the Nazi bandwagon.
Of course Thor does eventually realize he’s made a critical error in judgement when he overhears Hitler being anti-semitic and threatening to summon an army of trolls — Asgard’s sworn enemy. He can handle Nazis but Trolls is where Thor draws the line.
Upon hearing this disconcerting news he promptly brings Joseph Stalin back to life (who he moments before killed with lightning) and flies back home, though not before erasing everyone’s memory that he ever existed and was once friends with Hitler.
8. Every Time He Used Ridiculous Superpowers
It is kind of hard to look at anything that came out of Thor’s early years objectively given how strange a time the 1960s were for comic book characters. Everyone was either fighting a monkey or turning into a baby. However, that still doesn’t make any of the bizarre stuff that went down any less messed up.
Take Journey Into Mystery #85, notable for being Loki’s first appearance. The God of Mischief transforms a group of people into photo-negative versions of themselves (which is as nonsensical as it sounds) yet luckily somehow Thor knows exactly what to do to correct the situation.
In an act that defies all the laws of psychics and reason, Thor spins Mjolnir really, really fast to emit anti-matter particles and reverse everyone’s atoms back to normal.
A mere one issue later in Journey Into Mystery #86, Thor travels to the future to fight Zarrko the mad scientist who ends up blasting the hero into another dimension. Thor is only able to escape after he musters a hurricane-strength breath that blows a hole right through the dimensional rift and chases Zarrko away.
7. When He Appeared in Jane Foster’s Oddly Specific Fantasy About Cutting His Hair
When Thor got all full of himself for being a god with great hair, Odin decided to take his son down a few pegs and sent him spiraling towards Earth, stripped of his powers and rendered into a handicapped human doctor named Don Blake to teach him some humility.
Eventually Thor proved himself worthy again, but decided to retain his alter-ego as Blake and naturally continue practicing medicine on Earth. While doing so he worked along side a nurse named Jane Foster who madly fell in love with both him and Thor, creating for some truly weird sexual tension.
One instance from Journey Into Mystery #89, has Jane shirking all professional responsibility and instead fantasizing about hooking up with Thor. Along with the usual stuff like daydreaming about “polishing his hammer,” she also creepily imagines cutting his hair. Why Jane? That’s Thor’s best asset.
Although Thor really had nothing to with whatever insane things were bouncing around Foster’s head, you gotta believe he noticed that she was starting to exhibit high levels of crazy. The fact he stuck around for as long as he did just to play doctor with this kook by his side is beyond comprehension.
6. When He Embraced the ’90s a Little Too Much
The ’90s were a weird time for superhero costumes. Superman was turned into an electromagnetic-blue lightning bolt. The Invisible Woman got a number four-shaped cleavage window. Cable got an illogical number of pouches. Batman’s replacement got claws that could shoot fire and ninja stars. Thor, well he got a crop top and some shoulder pads.
Towards the very end of Thor’s original comic run, before he would be rebooted following the world-ending events of Onslaught, artist Mike Deodato, Jr. said screw it, and turned the God of Thunder into a glam rocker.
With an exposed midriff, useless chain, what appears to be four-foot hair extensions and the biggest codpiece this side of Yggdrasil, Thor’s new threads were as ugly as they were baffling.
Even weirder is the fact Thor just showed up one day like this as if nothing was different, never bothering to explain why he had just raided Gene Simmon’s closet. Seriously, though can anyone ever have too many leatherstraps wrapped around their arms?
5. When He Went Insane, Slept with Himself, Tried to Destroy the Universe, and Beat Up His Girlfriend
The events of Blood and Thunder, culminating in The Mighty Thor #471, is a veritable who’s who of Thor misconduct. After succumbing to a bad case of Warrior’s Madness, Thor goes on a rampage back fisting his fiancée Lady Sif and beating up Beta Ray Bill, Drax the Destroyer alongside a number of other cosmic superheroes.
He then steals the Mind Gem and attempts to destroy all of Asgard. It takes the combined efforts of Silver Surfer, the Infinity Watch, Doctor Strange, and Thanos of all people to stop him, with Odin eventually invading Thor’s mind and restoring his sanity.
Worst of all, Thor’s random bout of lunacy was brought on by a figment of his imagination. You see, Thor was pretty stressed out at the time, so naturally to cope he created a steamy alter ego named Dark Valkyrie. The living embodiment of Thor’s Warrior Madness, Dark Valkyrie appeared as an entirely separate entity who sweet talked him into doing all the horrible things mentioned above.
4. Telling Jane Foster That He Cheated On Her While She Has Cancer
Thor has a way with ladies. After all, he’s pretty much slept with all them. From Sif to Brunhilde, Hela, Moondragon, Amora, and her sister Lorelai, his list of conquests is as long as the Rainbow Bridge itself. Heck, he once slept with an entire village of Vikings, not to mention his own subconscious. Yet alas, one shield maiden has captured his heart more than any other.
Ever since Thor first flew onto the scene in Journey Into Mystery, his relationship with Jane Foster has been the most enduring, be it in the guise of his Don Blake secret identity or on-screen hookups with Natalie Portman. Eventually the two would go their separate ways, during which time Foster tragically was diagnosed with cancer and then not-so tragically became the new God of Thunder.
Being the standup guy that he is, Thor didn’t take this very well. For no other reason besides him being a jerk, he decided to get Jane back by bringing up all the times he cheated on her when they were together. It’s easily the God of Thunder at his worst, trying to spite a woman suffering from a terrible disease while not so subtly taking a dig at her by flaunting his past dalliances.
3. Whenever He Rode His Pet Goats
Somedays you just want to go for a ride on your pet goat. Luckily for Thor, he has not one but two at his beck and call, Toothgnasher and Toothgrinder. These enchanted livestock have the ability to travel faster than light, fly through space, and regenerate if they get eaten, as goats often do.
Oh yeah, and they can communicate with Thor. Though flying telepathic goats may seem awesome, are they really befitting the God of Thunder? Seriously, of all the things he could ride — why goats?
Toothgnasher and Toothgrinder were once Lord of the Goats and would bend to no man, elf, troll, or Hemsworth. Never one to be told what he can and cannot do with a goat, Thor enlisted the help of some dwarves who fashioned a magic bridle that pretty much forced the pair into domesticated slavery.
Though we guess a ridiculously bizarre as this may all be, there are worse things than seeing Thor riding a chariot flown by goats. If only all the Avengers followed his lead and rode more farm animals. How much cooler would Captain America be if he raced around on a pig?
2. When He Failed to Find the Meaning of Life in a Creamsicle
Another day, another reason for Thor to feel bad about himself. That’s basically the premise of the 1987 graphic novel The Mighty Thor: I, Whom the Gods Would Destroy.
Nothing is going the God of Thunder’s way. He feels as though he no longer fits in with gods or humans. He’s having relationship problems with Sif. He cheats on her by sleeping with a random woman he picks up at a bar as his alter-ego Don Blake. Then, while performing a surgery as Blake, he loses a patient on the operating table. After a day like that Thor decides to throw in the towel and go get a Creamsicle.
Ice cream is where most people go to find answers, so why not Thor? Really, it’s the perfect solution to his depression and infidelity. Creamsicle’s are delcious, refreshing and guaranteed to brighten your day.
Sadly, on this day not even a Creamsicle can help Thor. However, we shouldn’t blame the frozen treat. How about next time you don’t pick out a bootleg pink one? It’s doubtful that it was even a real Creamsicle.
1. When He Freaked Out in a Thermal Bath
Avengers: Age of Ultron was a far cry from its predecessor, but it was still a good time and gave audiences a chance to see Hulk smash Iron Man’s face. However, if there was one scene in particular that seemed entirely unnecessary it was when Thor suddenly decides to leave the action to go take a bath.
Since then, a deleted scene has popped up adding greater context to the scene, but at the time of the film’s release no one could quite figure out what was going on. Apparently Thor was on a journey to see the Norns, who possess him and give Erik Selvig an excuse to appear in the movie.
All in all, it was meant to tease Infinity War but even with the additional scene, the situation still doesn’t make all that much sense. Though watching Thor thrash around in an underground pool speaking in tongues and then getting electrocuted is pretty hilarious.
Know of any other horrible things that Thor has done? Let us know in the comments.
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