30 Rock: Best Kenneth Quotes

One of the best aspects of 30 Rock has to be the incredible characters who have some seriously funny things to say. Each person on the show has a unique personality, but the guy with the funniest and strangest comments has to be the NBC page, Kenneth Parcell. He's the always-happy fellow who would do anything for his beloved network.

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If you listen closely and pay attention to what’s going on throughout the seasons, it turns out the guy is somehow immortal. Other than that, his comments are usually funny, and they make you think. Here are the ten best quotes Kenneth Parcell had on 30 Rock.

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10 His Thoughts On Religion And Politics

Most people don't like to talk politics or religion in polite company seeing as both are two of the most divisive issues in American society these days. That being said, it's all over television, which is why Kenneth had no trouble expressing his views on both subjects perfectly in a single statement in which he said, "I don’t vote Republican or Democrat. Choosing is a sin, so I always just write in the Lord’s name!” His convictions aside, isn't not voting the same thing as making a choice in and of itself? The decision not to do something is a choice, but we'll let it slide.

9 His Thoughts On Dancing...?

Kenneth is one of those people who watches a movie and doesn't necessarily come to the same conclusions as the rest of the audience. Much like Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother, Kenneth sides with... well, the wrong side in movies, which is probably why he didn't feel the same way about Kevin Bacon's character as the rest of us. “Do you remember the movie Footloose, where those evil kids won in the end? You’re going to make a mistake tonight.” Dancing is a sin to the man, which makes sense given the crazy stuff he's said over the years.

8 How He Feels About Coffee

As any parent knows, giving a child a soda or something with caffeine makes them a bit crazy. Kids just don't handle sugar well, and they tend to run around with incredible energy whenever you throw a few candy bars their way.

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For some reason, it seems the same is true for Kenneth, at least where coffee is concerned. When he tried some for the first time, he got a little hooked a little too fast and described his love for the drink by saying, “I love how it makes me feel. It’s like my heart is trying to hug my brain!”

7 He Certainly Has Game

For anybody who knows him, it's hard to think of Kenneth as someone with any kind of game whatsoever. He barely dated anyone on the show, and he clearly didn't know how to do anything... adult. Regardless of this, there were times he made attempts for one reason or another, but the very best had to be the time he approached an attractive woman by saying, “I like your top. I’m a real good sex person. I do it all the different ways.” Whatever "all the different ways" means to Kenneth, it's probably for the best that he didn't elaborate further.

6 What Happened To His Pet Pig?

We all know that Kenneth was raised on a farm... or in some kind of crazy farm setting, but when he reminisces about the time he spent there, he often says something that makes the audience do a double-take, thanks to his perfect delivery of some of the craziest dialogue on the show.

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In one such instance, he was remembering his pet pig and how “She went crazy. She bit off my nutsack… that I kept tied around my belt to feed the squirrels.” It's a good thing he finished that sentence or we might have had a couple of follow-up questions for Mr. Parcell.

5 On His Family History

Speaking of Kenneth's youth and his upbringing, he has mentioned his family history a few times on the series. When he does, it's often a throwaway line that makes whoever heard it do a double-take or two. In one instance, he had something to say about his family's immigration to the United States when he said, “When the Parcells first came to America, they lived in a town called Sexcriminalboat.” Yeah, we don't think "Sexcriminalboat" was a town, per se, but his family was probably sequestered somewhere outside of the main town given the name his folks clearly told him was a town... and not a boat.

4 His Thoughts On Feminist Education

Everyone has their opinions on some of the big issues of the day, but most people don't have a problem or concern with something as normal as a woman's education. These days, it's perfectly normal, and unless Kenneth is actually from the 1950s or earlier, his thoughts on the subject may seem a bit dated. This was especially apparent when he said, “I feel about as useless as a mom’s college degree.” Whether he had a problem with a stay-at-home mom getting a college degree or the fact that it was a woman isn't clear, but it sure was funny when he said it. Admit it... you laughed!

3 His Thoughts On Learning

Whatever education Kenneth received, it's apparent it wasn't exactly a state-standard that was approved by anyone... anywhere. He has his strange opinions about everything, but one of the oddest has to do with his feelings on books and reading.

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The time he came in contact with more books than he could handle, he said, “All these books, sir! It’s like I’m back at school, learning about the dangers of book-reading.” So, if he didn't read books in school, how exactly did he learn anything? Perhaps he was allowed to read just one book, and given what he's said about religion, it might just have been the Good Book and nothing else.

2 His Thoughts On Life

Sometimes, Kenneth gets a bit confused and has to contend with a lot of information flooding into him at once. When that happens, he makes mistakes. It's something we all do, but for Kenneth, it can be a problem. In one instance, he bit off more than he could chew, but at least he got something of a life lesson out of the ordeal when he said, “Why? Because I believe life is for living. I believe in taking risks and biting off more than you can chew. And also, people were yelling and I got confused about the rules.”

1 His Thoughts On Global Warming

Global climate change is one of those things everyone outside of Washington D.C. agrees is a serious problem. To be fair, some politicians are on the "green" side, and if there was a political spokesman to fill that role, it would be former Vice President Al Gore. When he visited the show as a part of NBC's green week, he met Kenneth who had his own thoughts on science when he said, “Global warming? Sorry, sir, that’s just scientist talk. The same people who say my grandfather was a monkey. It that’s true, why was he killed by a monkey?”

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