Stefan Salvatore was often the perfect boyfriend to Elena in The Vampire Diaries. He went out of his way to show her that she was loved and did whatever it took to keep her safe. It's easy to see why so many viewers are Team Stefan and were disappointed by the outcome of The Vampire Diaries' controversial love triangle.
However, Stefan acted differently in each relationship he was in and he made plenty of mistakes. He didn't always treat his love interests like they deserved, which made it challenging to get on board with some of his romances. There are several reasons why Stefan could be considered a great boyfriend, but it doesn't make up for all the ways he's the worst.
Great Boyfriend: He Respected Elena's Decisions
Although the show is over, the Stelena vs. Delena debate will likely never die. There are reasons to be in both camps, but when it comes to respecting Elena's independence, Stefan is the better choice. Damon loved Elena selfishly and would go against her wishes to ensure the outcome he wanted.
Alternatively, Stefan understood that just because he had the power to force Elena's hand, it didn't mean he had the right to. When she begged Stefan to save Matt over herself, Elena was asking him to make the ultimate sacrifice. Respecting Elena's decision meant losing her, but Stefan couldn't bring himself to take away her free will.
Wasn't: He Lied To Elena For Months
In a way, what Stefan did to Elena isn't any different from what all the characters have done at one point. It's risky for them to reveal their vampirism to anyone, let alone a person they just started dating. For that reason, it's understandable why Stefan wasn't honest with Elena right off the bat.
Yet, he kept several things from her at the beginning of their relationship, and Elena didn't find out that she was identical to Katherine until after they slept together. It's questionable when and if Stefan would have told her about the resemblance if Elena hadn't found Katherine's portrait.
Great Boyfriend: He Put His Partner's Needs Over His Own
No matter who he was with, Stefan's needs were always secondary to his partner's. Whether it was something as simple as letting them plan a date or major like trading his life for theirs, Stefan always put his love interests above himself.
In fact, this isn't only applicable to people he dated. Stefan is an inherently selfless character who would give a stranger the shirt off his back. Even after everything she did to him, Stefan stayed with Katherine while she was dying, and he was the only character who offered her love and forgiveness.
Wasn't: His Proposal To Caroline Was Underwhelming
There are several things that prevent viewers from believing Stefan and Caroline were soulmates in The Vampire Diaries. Stefan didn't go above and beyond for Caroline as he did for Elena, even though Caroline has a personality that requires it.
It's true that when two people are in love nothing else matters, but Caroline deserved someone who was willing to go all out for her. Although her answer would've been the same no matter what, Stefan should've given Caroline the proposal of her dreams. Instead, he let her find the ring in a drawer, and she had to convince him to officially ask the question.
Great Boyfriend: He Always Made Romantic Gestures Towards Elena
In contrast to how he acted with Caroline, Stefan was a hopeless romantic with Elena. His gestures were both big and small, and the normalcy of it made Stefan and Elena the most relatable couple in The Vampire Diaries.
Stefan flew Elena to the top of the Ferris Wheel for a kiss, took her for a hike to watch the sunset, and would show up at her house with flowers. He also knew Elena couldn't cook, and commonly made elaborate dinners for the two of them.
Wasn't: He Chose Revenge Over Elena
Stefan has done a lot of horrible things in his life, but no one ever dreamed that he would hurt Elena. It was shocking to watch him force-feed her his blood and threaten to drive her off the same bridge she almost died on alongside her parents.
Although he was only using Elena's fear to make Klaus believe he was serious, Stefan still chose revenge over her. He forced her to relive the most traumatic moment of her life just so he could show Klaus who was in charge.
Great Boyfriend: He Died Saving Katherine
Katherine is one of Stefan's best love interests, despite everything that happened between them. She was just a few choices away from earning her redemption, and there were times when it seemed as though Stefan was falling for Katherine all over again.
The characters put themselves in dangerous situations every day, yet their supernatural healing made things less risky. Stefan was human and vulnerable when he and Damon tried to save Katherine in 1864, showing that he was just as brave without his abilities. He was unaware that Katherine was feeding him her blood and never expected to come back as a vampire.
Worst: He Tried To "Fix" Elena
Stefan's love for Elena was portrayed to be unconditional, which made his attempt to "fix" her in The Vampire Diaries Season 4 feel out of place. He became obsessed with turning her back into a human, and it was more for his sake than Elena's. Stefan has always loved Elena selflessly, but after she became a vampire, their relationship went downhill.
He didn't like the person she became and he treated her differently than before. In Stefan's defense, Elena was treating him differently as well by going behind his back with Damon. While she didn't do anything that technically counts as cheating, Elena shouldn't have been "dirty dancing" with her boyfriend's brother.
Great Boyfriend: He Cared About Emotional Repercussions
One of the main differences between the brothers is that Stefan understood that emotional well-being was just as important as physical. Damon was willing to put Elena through the wringer if it meant keeping her alive, and thought that Stefan was too busy worrying about collateral damage.
Life is about a lot more than surviving, and Stefan was determined to make sure Elena lived her's to the fullest. Rather than choosing the quick and brutal way out, he always tried to find a solution that spared her from any unnecessary suffering.
Wasn't: He Stalked Elena For Months
Because the series never made an issue out of it, it's easy for fans to gloss over the fact that Stefan stalked Elena for months. It was mentioned so casually, that it takes a few rewatches for it to sink in.
Elena's resemblance to Katherine threw Stefan for a loop, and his stalking seemed to be justified because of it. This is just one of many things that makes no sense about Stefan and Elena's relationship, as Damon was able to realize she wasn't Katherine by just talking to her.