Dwight Schrute was definitely one of the reasons that The Office was so iconic. Every episode heralded a new shenanigan courtesy of the assistant (to the) regional manager, and he was arguably the most quotable character on the show. Through The Office's nine-season run, Dwight's hilarious one-liners and unforgettable speeches have coined endless amounts of merchandise. Even though the series wrapped up back in 2013, Dwight and his arsenal of unforgettable lines, are still relevant to this day.
We've added 5 more of Dwight's best quotes to our list, for a total of 15 that are guaranteed to shock, or cause laughter depending on the context.
Updated on September 15th, 2020 by Derek Draven: As mentioned in our updated intro, we've added 5 more of Dwight's best quotes to the list, each taken from a different season of The Office. Each quote sums up the character perfectly and reminds us all of that one employee in the office who people kept moving farther away from, rather than closer towards.
"Hey, you know what's even cooler than Triceratops?"
Season 5's "Lecture Circuit, Part 2" featured a scene with Jim discussing dinosaurs, where he reminisces about his dad taking him to the Natural History Museum when he was seven, and buying him a plastic Triceratops toy, which is one of his fondest memories.
It wasn't enough for Dwight however, who saw fit to ruin the moment by replying, "That's cool. Hey, you know what's even cooler than Triceratops? Every other dinosaur that ever existed!" Unfazed, Jim rebutted with "Didn't see that one coming."
"I am not a bad person."
"I am not a bad person. When I left Staples, I took some of their leads with me, but I never intended to use them. What did I intend to do with them? Who knows. Maybe keep them as a souvenir. Maybe use them."
Dwight had a lot of trouble keeping track of his thoughts and motivations, as evidenced by this quote where he attempts to showcase his moral compass, broken as it is. Whatever point he tried to make fell off the wagon almost immediately, reaffirming his less-than-stellar reputation.
"Yeast infections - there are a huge number of yeast infections in this county. Probably because we're downriver from that old bread factory."
"I think one of the greatest things about modern America is the computerization of medical records. As a volunteer Sheriff, I can look up anyone's psychiatric records or surgical histories. Yeast infections - there are a huge number of yeast infections in this county. Probably because we're downriver from that old bread factory."
It's hard to tell what's creepier - Dwight's delight at the ability to check people's confidential psychiatric and medical histories or his embarrassing rationale over what causes a yeast infection. As Toby had once remarked, "I'm just sad the public school system failed him so badly."
"A three ounce fetus is calling the shots. It's so badass!"
"Pam is constantly throwing up because of the pregnancy. If she eats something the fetus doesn't like, she is screwed. It's amazing. A three ounce fetus is calling the shots. It's so badass!"
Pam's pregnancy brought on the typical symptoms associated, including morning sickness. Naturally, Dwight would completely botch the reasoning behind morning sickness, believing it to be the fetus "calling the shots" by rejecting food Pam ate. What's even more disturbing is the fact that Dwight wanted to father a child with Angela!
"I don't believe in coddling people. In the wild, there is no health care."
"What did I do? I did my job. I slashed benefits to the bone. I saved this company money. Was I too harsh? Maybe. I don't believe in coddling people. In the wild, there is no health care. In the wild, health care is, 'Ow, I hurt my leg! I can't run! A lion eats me and I'm dead!' Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion. You're dead!"
The Season 1 episode "Health Care" saw Dwight get an extra privilege, which quickly ran to his head faster than a starving cheetah. When tasked with picking a healthcare plan, Dwight decided to virtually eliminate it altogether, thereby abusing the capitalist system in the worst manner possible. Not only was his reasoning counterproductive to the company's overall bottom line, but his analogy was positively stomach-turning!
"Would An Idiot Do That?"
This is perhaps one of the most well-known things Dwight has ever said. He was always one to treat every word that came out of Michael's mouth as gospel, and therefore took everything seriously - even the most ridiculous things.
"Before I do anything, I ask myself, 'would an idiot do that?' And if the answer is yes, I do not do that thing," Dwight explains to the documentary crew after Michael asked him, "what's the most important thing I ever said to you?". This exchange resulted in the talking head scene where Dwight speaks this line, and this would become one of the most iconic instances in the series.
"I'm Somewhere Between A Snake And A Mongoose."
When his coworkers had victories, no matter how small, Dwight always made it his mission to top them. This was the case when, in the season 3 episode "Merger", Toby mentioned to Pam that he had won a race. Dwight heard this and immediately had to ensure that everyone knew just how fast he was.
"I am fast. To give you a reference point, I'm somewhere between a snake and a mongoose. And a panther."
This results in Pam telling Dwight that she'll time him as he runs around the building. Humorously, she had no intention of ever partaking in Dwight's challenge and had even brought a thermometer instead of a timer to this event.
"I Have A Wig For Every Single Person In The Office."
"Yes, I have a wig for every single person in the office. You never know when you're gonna need to bear a passing resemblance to someone."
This particular quote took place in what was certainly one of the most surprising, strange sequences of the series. The documentary crew shows several different shots of what appears at first two be office workers such as Phyllis, Stanley, Meredith, and Kevin - but turns out to be Dwight in a wig. This is bizarre and hilarious at the same time, and only Dwight could pull off such a strange segment.
"...Second Only To The Neck."
Dwight was known for his extremely strange upbringing and the eccentric beet farm he managed in his spare time. One of the most memorable things about his character was his constant offhand comments about savagely injuring people.
"People underestimate the power of nostalgia. Nostalgia is truly one of the greatest human weaknesses... second only to the neck."
Whenever Dwight was in his element - his beet farm - the things he said got even stranger. He felt even more comfortable referencing attack techniques and the like when he was at home, which made for some very memorable quotes.
"Pan."
Dwight and Pam's relationship is one of the most interesting yet under-appreciated in The Office. In the beginning, their relationship was mostly that of two co-workers and acquaintances. It wasn't until a little later when their friendship really began to blossom. These two truly shared some beautiful moments, and Dwight's friendship with Pam was one of the best aspects of his character.
However, watching the exchanges between these two in earlier seasons is very funny. In season 2, Dwight suffers a concussion and begins showing a series of humorous symptoms. Perhaps the funniest was when he started being uncharacteristically nice to Pam, and when he walked away from her desk, he randomly said,
"Ok, see you later, Pan."
"Jim Couldn't Land Me In A Thousand Years."
Jim and Dwight's relationship was complex, hilarious, and unforgettable. Certainly a pivotal point of The Office, these two inevitably shared some kind of exchange in every episode, whether it was pranking each other, or being forced to plan a party together.
Dwight and Jim grew closer and their bond became more of a friendship as the seasons went on. For a love-hate relationship as iconic as this one, it was only fitting to have someone mistake them for a couple. The season 8 episode, "Turf War", delivered just that, as well as Dwight's notable response.
"I Really Should Have A Tweeter Account."
This line is yet another example of the fact that Dwight thought very highly of himself. After making the random comment, "I wonder if king-sized sheets are called presidential-sized in England", Dwight declares that he should have a Twitter account, which he comically refers to as "Tweeter".
It would be extremely interesting to see a modern-day Office in which Dwight graced "Tweeter" with his memorable quips.
"Ahhh, Humor. I Have It Too."
Dwight's deadpan comments made him all the more hilarious. Having some of the most undeniably bizarre lines on the show, actor Rainn Wilson often had a very hard time keeping a straight face while delivering. Dwight was hardly one to crack a smile, and he mostly acted robotically, especially in early seasons.
Upon Kelly's resignation in season 9, a new Customer Service Representative is brought in. When Clark Green is introduced everyone in the office begins calling him the "New Dwight". When Dwight decides to take the younger man under his wing, in a sense, Dwight, of course, tries to bring himself down to Clark's level. This means responding to one of Clark's jokes with the classic Dwight quote, "Ah, humor. I have it, too.".
"Just A Part Of Me Meant It."
"I hope the war goes on forever and Ryan gets drafted... I'm sorry I said that...I didn't-just a part of me meant it."
Dwight's love for Michael was one of the main focuses of his character. He harbored high praise for his boss, and when anyone "threatened" that relationship, it inevitably sparked jealousy in Dwight. When Michael began to harbor an obsession with Ryan (The Temp), Dwight got defensive of his position as Michael's right-hand man. This results in a hatred of Ryan that is humorous to watch for both Dwight's co-workers and viewers alike.
"We Need A New Plague."
"Why are there so many people here? There's too many people on this earth. We need a new plague."
Dwight is known for having an ambiguous moral compass. On countless occasions, he is seen doing some seriously questionable things, while simultaneously presenting himself to be superior to almost everyone. He certainly isn't one for having respect for many people, besides himself. Though he grows and becomes a better man, treating several people much better than he had in previous seasons, Dwight's superiority complex is always hilarious to watch and brought some great quotable moments to the series.