Howard Wolowitz is one of the main ingredients in The Big Bang Theory's success. The socially inept and outrageous engineer arguably had the most character development in the show, other than Sheldon. His jokes were often a hit or miss, with his overtly sexist tones making a lot of people feel uncomfortable. However, there were times where his witty humor and Simon Helberg's excellent comedic talent made him unforgettable.
Although Howard often finds himself the butt of the joke thanks to his lack of Ph.D. and close relationship with his mother, he, too, can be quite mean-spirited in retaliation. He enjoys teasing Raj about his effeminate personality and shares a sort of love-hate relationship with Sheldon. And over the show's 279 episodes, he has had more than his share of memorable shady burns.
"Have You Met My Mother? I Live In Jewish Hell"
A lot of Howard's most memorable burns are directed towards his mother, with whom he shares a rather complex relationship. In the Season 5 episode, "The Hawking Excitation," Howard refuses to introduce Sheldon to Stephen Hawking, with whom he'll be working. Calling Sheldon a "condescending jerk," he asks why on Earth would he ever do something nice for the physicist, to which Sheldon answers "To go to Jewish heaven." When Howard reminds him that his religion doesn't have a heaven, Sheldon shifts and says, "To avoid Jewish hell."
Howard's response is both funny and self-deprecating, making it clear that, as much as he loves his mother and clearly enjoys her company, he's also aware of how unhealthy their relationship is.
"He Didn't Have Jaundice, He Just Looks Like That"
In later seasons, after Stuart becomes more down on his luck, he moves in with Mrs. Wolowitz and develops a rather close relationship with her. After she passes, Howard and Bernadette move into her house and allow Stuart to stay. Over time, however, his presence becomes a nuisance and they decide to ask him to leave.
While discussing the matter in bed, Howard states they should have asked Stuart to move out a long time ago, to which Bernadette replies that the timing was never right. She points out that Stuart's comic book store was reopening and how he then got sick, to which Howard replies by making fun of Stuart's pale and sickly appearance. It's a rather mean-spirited burn, but a funny one, nonetheless.
"I Forget, Which Mental Hospital Are You Guys Registered At?"
Season 11 was a landmark for the show. It featured the season-long plot of Amy and Sheldon's upcoming wedding, showing how far Sheldon had come from the robot-like man introduced in the pilot episode. Still, Sheldon's quirks and idiosyncrasies made their way to the wedding planning, which made for a lot of fun situations.
In one occasion, Sheldon wants to convince Amy to give the entire party wedding rings, so that both he and Amy can then have "one ring to rule them all." Disturbed, Howard replies by making fun of his behavior, something that Sheldon was used to by that point in the show.
"Just Tell Him To Do Everything You've Done With Her For The Last Two Years"
In the season 2 episode "The Classified Materials Turbulence," Leonard becomes upset when Penny goes on a second date with Stuart. When the latter asks Leonard for some advice, Leonard blows him off, not wanting to jeopardize his friendship with either him or Penny but also not wanting them to progress as a couple.
Howard then mocks the situation, suggesting that Leonard should advise Stuart to do what Leonard himself has been doing for the past two years, which has brought him nowhere near a relationship with Penny.
"I'm Saying Believe In Magic, You Muggle!"
Apart from his mother, Howard shares another complicated relationship, this time with Sheldon. The latter often makes fun of the former's engineering job, MIT education, and lack of a Ph.D. In turn, Howard retaliates by mocking Sheldon's social ineptitude, his failure to understand sarcasm, and his overall gullibility.
Howard's love for magic often makes him perform tricks for his friends. During the episode "The Prestidigitation Approximation," Sheldon is baffled by a seemingly unexplainable card trick that Howard keeps acing. Looking for an explanation, he accuses Howard of manipulating the deck. In turn, Howard replies with this entry's quote, which was both a charming and shady way of shutting Sheldon up.
"Sheldon Knows Football? I Mean Quidditch, Sure, But Football?"
The season 3 episode, "The Cornhusker Vortex," features Leonard's attempts to bond with Penny's football-loving friends by trying to learn about the sport. Despite his purchase of a Football For Dummies book, he still finds it hard to understand. That is until Sheldon surprises everyone with his considerable knowledge of football, thanks to his childhood days in Texas.
Howard takes the opportunity to remark how out of character it is for Sheldon to know about any sport, doing so with a genuinely surprised expression that makes the burn all the more fun.
"It's Very Simple. Leonard Was Living In A Little Town Called 'Please Don't Leave Me', While Penny Had Just Moved To The Island Of 'Bye-Bye!'"
In the third season finale, "The Lunar Excitation," otherwise known as the first episode where loveable dimwit Zack first appears, Leonard says his breakup with Penny was due to the fact they both were "in different places in the relationship."
When Sheldon fails to understand the metaphor, he asks how a relationship can have the qualities of a geographical location. Howard simplifies things for him, while also taking a dig at Leonard's hopeless state. Now, that is a successful burn.
"Well, My Power Is The Ability To Pretend Like I Give A Damn About Your Piddly-A** Problems. And That's 24/7, Buddy"
While there's some obvious tension in their relationship, especially in the show's earlier seasons, Howard and Sheldon also share an unspoken sort of arrangement. They recognize that they wouldn't be friends if not for the people they hung out with (Sheldon once describes Howard as a "treasured acquaintance" rather than a friend). And while their relationship evolves into a real friendship in later seasons, their bickering makes for a lot of funny jokes in earlier episodes.
This quote, taken from the season 3 episode "The Pants Alternative," perfectly illustrates the sort of dynamic these two share. Indeed, rather than react with annoyance or offense at Howard's burn, Sheldon actually thanks him for his hypocrisy.
"Because Her Life Wasn't Enough?"
Sheldon's relationship with Amy was often made fun of in the show. His lack of emotion and her desperation for physical contact made them easy targets for the rest of the gang, who took advantage of every opportunity to make a joke at their expense.
In the Season 7 episode, "The Raiders Minimization," Amy points out a plot flaw in Raiders of the Lost Ark, ruining the movie for Sheldon. Hellbent on getting back at her, he begins his search of "something beloved of hers" to ruin. Howard replies that Sheldon has done sufficient damage to her already, making Leonard and Raj, as well as the audience, burst out laughing.
"You Don't Seem To Be Understanding The English Word No. Maybe A Different Language Will Help. Russian: Nyet. Chinese: Bú. Japanese: Iie. Klingon: Qo'. Binary-Coded ASCII: 0110111001101111."
A little known fact about him is that Howard is actually a polyglot. Besides English, he also speaks French, Mandarin, Russian, Arabic, Latin, Persian, Japanese, Klingon and knows American Sign Language. The show doesn't explore this proficiency often, though, it's only mentioned.
In this entry's quote, another one from "The Hawking Excitation" said shortly after the previous one, he makes some use of his extensive language knowledge. With Sheldon desperate to meet Hawking, Howard takes every opportunity to deny him the privilege. It's a hilarious moment, enhanced by Simon Helberg's excellent comedic timing, and a reminder that, at its best, The Big Bang Theory was the perfect mix of brains and fun.