Bernadette from The Big Bang Theory has had the strangest character progressions on the show. From being a smart, hard-working microbiologist, and loyal friend, she goes to become a bully, a bad boss, and a toxic influence on her friends. Bernadette would often masquerade her bitterness as concern, but the fans have relentlessly called her out on her behavior.
There’s no other way to say it, but Bernadette is simply too mean, and irrespective of how great a mother she is or how much she cares about her friends, it doesn’t help that she manipulates and talks about them behind their back. There are just some things Bernadette has done that fans just can't let go of.
She Bullies People At Work
Bernadette's colleagues are so scared of angering her that they agree to anything she asks for. Though the show depicts her as someone who doesn’t know she’s being problematic, she clearly knew about the kind of impact she had on people.
In fact, when Penny tells Bernadette how everyone perceives her, Bernadette starts crying which makes her boss feel so guilty he gives her a coffee machine. This shows she basically switches one toxic trait for another but does not really make a constructive change in behavior.
When She Shames Penny For Not Wanting Kids
While Bernadette decided to have children, many fans did not like the way she reacted and behaved towards those who decided they didn't want to be parents. This proved to be the case in "The Procreation Calculation" when Penny tells her that she doesn't want kids. Instead of being supportive, she actually lectures Penny about how important it is to have children and how she’s selfish to not explore motherhood.
This doesn’t just make her a bad friend but this perspective is also quite offensive and condescending too. It's not surprising that many thought Bernadette was a toxic influence after this.
She Constantly Pigeonholes People
Bernadette had a problematic tendency to stereotype her friends and to channel her own dated assumptions on others, which set a toxic pattern. A prime example of this being when she asks Denise why she is dating Stuart, just because she didn’t think he could ever have a steady relationship.
Many fans believed this was uncalled for since Stuart and Denise clearly had a lot in common and seemed to enjoy each other’s company. It was also unfair how she said Stuart was lazy when he helped out with the housework, looking after Mrs. Wolowitz, and watching their children.
How She Handled The Situation With Howard’s Father’s Letter
Howard was clearly sensitive about his dad since he was abandoned by him as a child; so when a letter from his dad is discovered in his belongings, he decides not to open it. However, Bernadette decides to invade his privacy on this matter and ends up also involving all their friends, which makes Howard uncomfortable.
Maybe Howard would have eventually opened the letter but Bernadette’s insistence on knowing everything about it and coercing Howard to face the truth, (although the gang came up with a creative solution to help Howard navigate it) before he has had time to process it was ill-timed and insensitive.
She's Simply Mean
It has been pointed out by the fandom that Bernadette gets away with a lot of things that most people wouldn’t. In Raj’s scavenger hunt when she is paired with Leonard she is unbearable.
She yells at Leonard and verbally abuses him, mocks his driving, and even lies about Penny talking about him behind his back. This was quite cruel and uncalled for considering she was doing it all for a simple game.
When She Tried To Create Tensions Between Priya And Leonard
Sure, she was egged on by Amy to make Priya jealous of Leonard’s ex Penny during a friendly dinner, but Bernadette should have said no. The fans have pointed out that Bernadette had no issues with Priya and her efforts to create a rift between Leonard and Priya by lying about Penny’s life was rather childish and also quite nasty.
Also, neither Leonard nor Priya had wronged Penny in any way so Bernadette came off as rather petty.
She Enabled Toxic Behavior
Bernadette has often enabled and encouraged problematic behavior. For instance, she helped Howard in bullying Sheldon into doing demeaning jobs for him ("The Hawking Extraction"). She also teamed up with Penny and alienated Amy by going wedding dress shopping without her.
Not to mention, she’s quick to retaliate against anyone that she doesn’t understand or does not agree with her opinions. She has embarrassed her friends more than once by making them feel weird or inferior.
When She Dropped Howard’s News To His Mother
Clearly, Howard had a lot of anxieties about telling his mother that he has been chosen to go to space to install a deep field space telescope. Bernadette, too, wasn't comfortable with the idea of Howard going to space, so instead of being honest with Howard about her issues, she dropped the news to Howard’s mum which made things much harder for Howard.
This was in a way a sneaky betrayal that was also insensitive and showed Bernadette in poor light as a companion, and even her friends called her out on it.
When She Humiliated Amy For Her Relationship With Sheldon
Fans have never really let go of how Bernadette humiliated Amy over her non-existing sex life. Both Penny and Bernadette have often taken potshots at Sheldon and Amy’s relationship, which is really uncalled for considering each relationship is different and progress at their own rate.
But what made Bernadette’s behavior really petty is that she insulted Amy over a fight that didn’t even concern either of them. Granted, Amy took a dig at Howard first but Bernadette’s insult was below-the-belt and nasty.
She Manipulates Penny
Penny was simply finding her footing as a sales rep when Bernadette wanted her to lead her own team. Penny opened up to her and told her that she wasn’t ready at that point to take up that big a responsibility. However, instead of respecting her choice, Bernadette manipulated Penny into taking the job.
It's important to note that this wasn’t an uplifting gesture since Bernadette talks to Howard and Raj behind Penny’s back and reveals that it was kind of a power trip for her. She simply wants to make people better her in her own way, irrespective of their choice.