Heroes and villains both seem to quiver with fear or rage at the mere mention of Thanos, the Big Bad of Avengers: Infinity War. Everyone wants to flee from him or murder him because he’s the most fearsome bad guy in the Marvel Universe… or is he?
There are too many things about Thanos that just don’t make any sense, detracting from his ultra villainous persona. He doesn’t even look like the kind of supervillain that would make Captain America and Iron Man shake in their boots. He’s all purple and wrinkly!
Looks aren’t everything, as we all know, but Thanos just gets even more senseless the more you examine his story and motives. From his children to his minions (which are often the same thing), his powers to his weird fatherly moments, the Titan just doesn’t add up.
Even the actor who plays him doesn’t click. Josh Brolin is also playing Cable in the upcoming Deadpool 2 – a Fox/Marvel film – and he played the titular Jonah Hex in that live-action DC comics adaptation. Talk about crossing the aisle!
From his gauntlet to his ambivalent Infinity Stone behavior, here are 16 Things About Thanos That Make No Sense.
15. His Chain Of Command
Have you ever noticed that Thanos is not the best commander in the universe? For someone so big and mighty, he sure makes a lot of mistakes entrusting his staff to do his dirty work. Between Loki, Gamora, and Ronan, he outsources the job of finding or keeping the Infinity Stones to everyone but himself.
It’s the classic villainous plan ruined by incompetent or untrustworthy minions, but it’s worse because Thanos is supposed to be so powerful and frightening. If he can be so easily foiled by his own people, should the Avengers and company really face that much trouble bringing him down?
It gets boring watching him perch on his throne, giving out orders to everybody. Before Avengers: Infinity War, Thanos had better kick his game up a notch before his adopted daughters and their friends come to rip him a new one.
14. He “Adopts” A Bunch Of Kids After Failing At Fatherhood
Thanos has a son who hates him, so what better way to excel at fatherhood than adopt a bunch of kids, some of whose families you’ve murdered in acts of mass genocide, no less, and groom them into your own army of minions? His “kids” are the ultimate army brats, raised to be lieutenants rather than beloved children. While not all of them will be in the upcoming movie, they are all scarier than Thanos himself.
Aside from the most dangerous woman in the universe, Gamora, and the psychotic, hell-bent-on-murdering-him Nebula, there are other Black Order members he adopted over the years like the Ebony Maw, Proxima Midnight, Supergiant and Black Dwarf. Each has his or her unique powers, as does Thanos’s Number One, Corvus Glaive. Why make nice with your own spawn when you can kidnap and train a team of deadly disciples to do your bidding?
13. His Chitauri Army
Even if Thanos could get control over his many minions, after watching his Chitauri army in action you have to admit that they suck. Sure, they’re creepy in a “What if the Skeksies from The Dark Crystal cut off their beaks and hooked up with aliens!” sort of way that could inspire fear in the hearts of men, but they just don’t get the job done.
If your impotent laser rifles can’t even blow a hole in Captain America’s gut and an Earth arrow can pierce through your crappy space armor, you probably need to redesign your gear into a 2.0 at minimum. We know a certain genius billionaire playboy slash superhero who can help you out there.
12. He Turned Nebula Into a Walking Corpse
It’s one thing to punish a minion for disobedience with flogs, chains, or even death. It’s quite another to offer a fate far worse than death as a decaying, walking corpse, which is what Thanos did to Nebula. When she mentioned him torturing her in Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2, she wasn’t joking. Thanos once burned Nebula to the point where she should have been dead and kept her alive with his powers, calling her rotting corpse his “greatest creation.”
This proves that he’s a sadistic creep, but what does it accomplish? He thought it might impress Death, but he also took offense at her referring to him as an actual blood relative. Apparently Thanos is only proud of the progeny that he captures and kidnaps, not actual kin. Given the talents that Nebula possesses, turning her into a useless, tortured zombie is a pretty senseless thing to do.
11. His Plethora Of Clones Ruin Everything
There’s nothing worse than “It was all a dream!” endings, but “It wasn’t me, it was my evil twin!” comes pretty close. Marvel has repeated this groan-inducing explanation so many times that each time Thanos is defeated, the good guys tend to scratch their heads afterwards and wonder if they truly ganked him or one of his many clones. Omega, Mystic, Armour, Warrior… he’s had enough clones to make his own team without, you know, kidnapping the babies of his slaughtered enemies.
While it’s probably a smart policy to use your clones to test your opponents and try out new moves on your foes so they don’t kill you, it doesn’t give much credence to your claim of omnipotence. It also makes for a lousy story.
10. He’s overpowered but still gets beaten repeatedly
Marvel tends to give out some of the most unique powers to its heroes, something fans see as above and beyond DC territory. DC villains, however, tend to be much more dynamic than Marvel baddies, so the arsenal of powers that Thanos boasts is especially impressive. Aside from his obvious superhuman strength, stamina, and resilience, Thanos can both absorb and utilize the energy of the universe. Let that one sink in for a moment.
Then there’s the fact that he’s both telekinetic and telepathic, is a massively huge warrior who can pretty much fight anyone – and he can manipulate matter. There’s not much Thanos can’t do… so how can he be beaten at all? Sheer hubris may be the ultimate reason but in theory, Thanos should be unbeatable.
9. He Blamed His Genocides On A Fake Childhood Memory
We can all agree that the predatory Starfox is a pretty sorry excuse for a superhero and we’re happy to see him out of commission, but as the brother of Thanos, he was blamed for more than seducing women against their will.
During Starfox’s trial, Thanos testified against him, claiming that his brother had manipulated his feelings around an accidental creature death that Thanos caused during his youth, spawning his desire to commit genocide. The law would have then held Starfox liable for Thanos’s crimes had the truth of he matter not come to light.
We get that Thanos hates his brother and they only come together once every blue moon to satisfy their father’s demand to get along, but this seems beneath Thanos. You’d think Thanos would want to take credit for atrocities he hasn’t even committed yet, not pour the blame on Starfox.
8. He Was Once Captured By Spider-Man, Hellcat, And Some Cops
The fact that an entire movie with the premise of Thanos as an imminent threat, posing as this mighty, unbeatable foe exists in the same world as the one where a couple of cops, with the assistance of Hellcat and Spider-Man, took the same indomitable being down makes us laugh.
The Thanos in these comics looks even less impressive than MCU Thanos and he drives a goofy helicopter he named after himself. He’s kind of like Donald Trump Thanos. We could definitely see him tweeting about how the Avengers are spreading fake news and that Black Widow’s had work done.
If your typical human cops have what it takes to handle Thanos, what exactly are the Guardians and company even supposed to be worried about? And how is it going to require that many A-listers on screen together?
7. He Celebrated Christmas With Gamora
Celebrating Christmas doesn’t sound very villainous in the first place, but when you gift the tiny tot whose parents you murdered with a dolly in the middle of training her to become your most deadly assassin, not only does it not make sense; it sounds ridiculous. What could he have possibly hoped to accomplish with this act? He couldn’t love her; Thanos doesn’t even seem capable of love. Might it be to make her comply with his orders?
“Can’t a surrogate dad just want to give his kid a gift?” some might ask. When that surrogate dad is a powerful telepathic who allowed her to attempt an escape only to be brutally assaulted and nearly murdered before he bothered to rescue her… nope. It’s not even conceivable.
6. His Gauntlet Could Be A Fake
Just as we all collectively sighed, “Finally!” when Thanos grumbled, “Fine, I’ll do it myself,” we lost hope of him being a worthy opponent yet again when Kevin Feige revealed that not only are there two gauntlets in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, but the one Thanos has isn’t even the one that was in Odin’s vault! While the MCU frequently rewrites canon stories for the sake of entertainment, that doesn’t negate the fact that this gauntlet may be, in fact, a fake.
A fake Infinity Gauntlet makes Thanos even more pathetic and leads to so many questions, the first of which is why would he have a fake one in the first place? Maybe he thinks the real gauntlet is in a Peruvian temple and planning an Indiana Jones-style switcheroo.
5. Squirrel Girl Beat Him
This enormous, all-powerful super villain was beaten by… Squirrel Girl? No offense to the young she-rodent but come on! If Thanos is responsible for so much death and destruction in the Marvel Universe, it stands to reason that someone much more powerful would be needed to get the upper hand on him.
Yes, this took place in 2005’s GLX-Mas Special #1, so it’s not strictly a part of the larger story here, but even the Watcher Uatu confirms that it happened! Given that his clones have been killed loads of times, even Squirrel Girl herself doubted the victory in which she saved the multiverse.
4. He Failed To Get The Power Stone
Thanos really wants those Infinity Stones, right? So why did he fail to seek the power stone himself, sending the incompetent Ronan, who merely outsourced the job again, after it instead? Yes, you have your evil cronies to do your dirty work, but with something this important, wouldn’t you be much choosier about how you get the stone? Not to mention the fact that a ragtag team like the Guardians of the Galaxy, no matter how cool they are nor how godlike Quill’s genes happen to be, bested his chosen warrior, fully rendering the entire mission a joke.
Some might think that Thanos is just that lazy, but the real reason why he senselessly sends his ever-backstabbing or foolish hoard of baddies after the stones instead of fetching them himself is much more existential…
3. He Is Obsessed With Death
Between Death the woman and dying itself, Thanos is obsessed enough to give Othello a run for his money. Every single thing that Thanos does seems to point toward the same goal every time: getting into Death’s pants. Even obtaining the Infinity Stones and all of the energy ever are presented as acts to woo his lady friend. Death often seems indifferent to his plans and it’s one of the most twisted love stories in the comic universe. Really, everyone’s going to war and dying… because Thanos doesn’t seem to know how to shop for a box of chocolates.
2. He Ultimately Wants To Lose
One of the most senseless things about Thanos is that deep down, he wants to lose it all. Even if he is supposed to be the most powerful person in the entire Marvel universe, he still harbors an inferiority complex. Thanos believes that he is unworthy of wielding power over All That Is, and his humility may be his only redeeming quality. Remember the time he tried to become a farmer? He’s even attempted to be one of the good guys, which just didn’t work out for him. Both stemmed from his humble nature.
While this makes readers able to relate to him better, it sabotages his plans from the get-go, rendering them absolutely pointless. Even when he thinks he has the upper hand, his own subconscious is assisting with his defeat.
1. He Gave Away The Mind Stone
That amazing mind control scepter that Loki used in The Avengers? We all know that he received it from Thanos in hopes that the trickster would acquire the Tesseract for him instead of getting captured and locked away in Asgard. While Thanos obviously bet on the wrong horse here, he also knew the stakes before he gave Loki, the deceitful Maker of Mischief, the untrustworthy Son of Secrets, the scepter that contained the Mind Stone.
The MCU would have us believe that Thanos is either too stupid to realize that trusting Loki is always a mistake… or too stupid to know he had the stone in his scepter in the first place. He also chose Loki over his own trusted underlings, which is just weird. Sacrificing one Infinity Stone for another makes zero sense.
What else about Thanos makes no sense? Let us know in the comments!
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