Based on the 1950s comics of the same name, Tales From The Crypt was a horror anthology that focused on a new theme or idea each episode. At the bookends of each episode, the Crypt Keeper (played by John Kassir) gives a brief glimpse into what the upcoming story will be about and ends noting the character’s demise with a pun.
With 93 episodes, the show had a hefty following, even with it being an HBO exclusive show. With a reboot that is dead, there is time to look back at the series that happened. Not every episode was a winner, but this list focuses on the ones that were. Using IMDb’s rating system, it’s time to look at the 10 best episodes of Tales From The Crypt.
10. Cutting Cards (7.8)
Chopping cards would have been a better title for this intense episode of one-upmanship. After returning from a year-long stay in Las Vegas, Reno Crevice (Lance Henriksen) comes home and heads directly to the local casino where he meets with an old opponent, Sam Forney (Kevin Tighe).
The two agree to a game of Russian Roulette, but the bullet ends up being a dud. They then agree to a game of Chop Poker. The winner of each hand gets to chop off a part of the other. They go on for the rest of the episode until it cuts to a scene where the two are in the hospital playing checkers, neither of them having arms.
9. The Ventriloquist’s Dummy (7.8)
As if dolls and dummies weren’t scary enough, throw in a mutation to really horrify the crowd. Mr. Ingels (Don Rickles) is a ventriloquist who loses his hand and girlfriend in a fire. Fifteen years after, Billy (Bobcat Goldthwait) is an up-and-coming ventriloquist who runs into Mr. Ingels. After finding the dead body of the woman that Mr. Ingles was with, Billy goes after him.
After Billy scolds him for doping, Mr. Ingels reveals that his mannequin has been his murderous twin brother, Morty, attached to his hand. Mr. Ingels cuts Morty off and is then killed by an unrestricted Morty. Billy and Morty make a deal to work together, but Morty merges himself into Billy.
8. And All Through the House (7.9)
Typically, Christmas episodes are not rated very highly, but Tales From The Crypt manages to keep the holiday season slaying. A woman named Elizabeth kicks off the episode by murdering her husband on Christmas Eve with a fire poker, before calling her lover to let him know the job was done. She then goes to dispose of the body, not knowing another murderer was waiting dressed as Santa.
After a tousle with Santa, Elizabeth attempts to frame him for the murder. Elizabeth accidentally locks herself in a closet but escapes to find her daughter, Carrie, missing. When Carrie is found by Elizabeth, she says that she let Santa in. The episode ends with Santa asking “Naughty or Nice.”
7. Forever Ambergris (7.9)
Steve Buscemi leads this episode as a photographer named Isaac and ends up melting for the viewer's entertainment. Dalton (Roger Daltrey) is in awe of the talent displayed by Isaac's wife (Buscemi). The two men are war photographers, but Isaac is better as Dalton has lost his touch. Dalton comes up with a plan to get rid of Isaac and take over his life.
On an expedition, Dalton forces Isaac into some contaminated lands where he catches some illness that starts to destroy his body rapidly. While Isaac figures it out, he is too late to do anything as parts of him fall apart. Dalton returns to Isaac’s wife Bobbi. They smoke and have sex as Bobbi tells him they have the same illness. Dalton runs to the bathroom as his nose falls off.
6. Abra Cadaver (8)
Sibling problems come to a head with heart-stopping drugs. Martin (Beau Bridges) and Carl (Tony Goldwyn) are both students in medical school. After Martin loses the use of his hand thanks to a prank by Carl, he holds a life long vendetta against his brother. Martin eventually poisons Carl, now his boss and primary funder.
Most of the episode is shot through the now only alive in his brain Carl, who is seeing the torturous things his brother is doing to him. It is eventually revealed that Martin was testing a new drug on Carl and he was never in danger, but Carl has a real heart attack and dies.
5. The New Arrival (8)
A radio psychologist takes rating gold to the extreme by meeting a bad child. Psychologist Dr. Alan Goetz (David Warner) is about to lose his radio show when a distressed mother, Nora (Zelda Rubinstein), calls to ask the doctor to come out and help. He agrees to do so, along with his producer Bonnie (Twiggy) and boss Rona (Joan Severance).
Nora is shown to be crazy, believing that General Douglas MacArthur was going to return home from the war (WWII) at any moment. Rona is found dead in a child’s bed, Bonnie is chopped up by a ceiling fan, and Dr. Goetz is chained up. The daughter is revealed to be a zombie and Dr. Goetz is left with her.
4. Death of Some Salesmen (8.1)
Tim Curry plays many roles in this family affair. Judd (Ed Begley Jr.) is a con man pretending to be a cemetery plot salesman who goes out searching for recently deceased people’s families in hopes of a sale. He cons one house and then moves onto the next where he meets Ma and Pa Brackett (both Curry). After getting some cold coffee, he opens the microwave to find a severed head.
After being knocked out, Judd meets the daughter Winona (Curry), who is depicted as dirty and ugly. The two have sex and get married as Judd believes he’ll get $50,000. After believing all the family is dead, Judd accidentally digs his own grave and is killed after having been scammed by the family.
3. Television Terror (8.2)
Exploring a mass murder site is never a good idea for public broadcast. Horton Rivers (Morton Downey Jr.) is a field shock reporter going in to explore the supposedly haunted house of a mass murderer called Ada Ritter. It is noted that Horton is sleeping with his producer Sam (Dorothy Parke), telling her she needs some killer instinct.
While exploring, there are flashbacks to the murders that happened in the past. After hearing some spooky noises, the camera goes dead. After a prolonged period of intense tension, Horton notices his cameraman hung dead and is attacked by the ghost of Ada Ritter.
2. Yellow (8.3)
A father-son war story that broaches the line between horror and realism. “Yellow” follows the actions of Lt. Kalthrob (Eric Douglas) as he engages with the war in the trenches of WWI. Sgt. Ripper (Lance Henriksen) attempts to find Lt. Kalthrob, only to be told to retreat. Ripper and Captain Milligan (Dan Aykroyd) argue about the yellow (cowardly) behavior. During a mission, Lt. Kalthrob runs away and a wounded Ripper snitches.
Lt. Kalthrob is arrested and charged with abandoning his squad, set to be killed by firing squad in the morning. That night, his father, General Kalthrob (Kirk Douglas) tells him that he needs to fake his death in the morning as he will fill all the guns with blanks. Lt. Kalthrob is shot and killed. General Kalthrob notes that he lied so his son wouldn’t appear cowardly at death.
1. What’s Cookin’ (8.5)
George Reeves, Meatloaf, Art LaFleur, Judd Nelson, and Bess Armstrong star in this cannibal tale. Set in a squid-based diner owned by Fred (Reeves) and Erma (Armstrong), the busboy Gaston (Judd Nelson) offers to help the owners by introducing a BBQ menu. After being rejected, he sees the landlord Chumley (Meatloaf) giving the owners a hard time.
Gaston takes the initiative, killing Chumley and portioning his meat. After feeding a Chumley steak to a local cop (LaFleur), Fred finds out about the murder but keeps serving the human meat. After trying to turn the couple against each other, Gaston is cooked by Farley, Fred, and Erma.