Superstore is unquestionably one of the funniest shows on television today, and may go down in the history books as one of the funniest shows of all time. This series focuses on a group of employees at your standard budget department store, and these characters definitely have a lot of character. Everyone on the show has their own quirks and personality traits that make them stand out from the crowd, but Dina Fox, the store's brutal assistant manager, is undoubtedly one of the funniest characters on the show.
What makes Dina so funny is that she absolutely does not care about any of her coworkers and she is so serious when she's being savage that it makes everything she says even funnier. A lot of the best moments on Superstore are Dina moments, and here are 10 of Dina's funniest quotes in the history of the show.
"If I Wanted To Avoid Doing Things With People I Hate I Would Literally Never Leave My House"
One of the best, most entertaining, and most relatable parts of Dina Fox as a character is that she says a lot of the things that everyone thinks and says them out loud. Some people are truly blessed in that they barely have to leave their own homes or interact with coworkers or the general public, but unfortunately for the vast majority of the population socializing with people you don't like is pretty much impossible to avoid.
But Dina can't, or won't, fake it, which is what makes her the woman that everyone wishes they could be at least once in their lives.
"Do You Want Your Child Raised In A Home With Loaded Handguns Laying Around? Or Do You Want Your Child Raised By Glenn?"
And while Glenn's 48 children undoubtedly think that he's a great parent, Dina doesn't even trust him as the general manager of their low rent Walmart-wannabe store, so it's not much of a shock that she thinks that even babies having guns is a better scenario than Glenn raising said baby.
"I'd Like To Meet Your Mother And Shove You Back Up Inside Her"
Yo momma jokes and insults are perennial classics that are always a good thing to have on stand by in the event that you're having a dissing match and you can't think of anything funny to say, and this line from Dina is an exceptionally hilarious iteration of those kinds of jokes.
There is something viscerally terrifying as well as hilarious about what Dina said, but what makes it so funny is that she's clearly dead serious. Not only would Dina like to do something like this, she is in all likelihood more than physically capable of making this horror show happen.
"The Idea Of Carrying Your Child Makes Me Wanna Put A Bullet Through My Uterus"
In many instances where a simple "no" would have sufficed, Dina tries to serve up some extremely colorful and insulting ways of denying the people around her. Of course, as everyone knows now, apparently the hefty paycheck that went along with carrying Glenn's child was more than worth the effort for Dina, but she has never wavered in her adamant belief that Glenn raising a child is a crime against humanity.
Dina's maternal instincts never seemed too strong to begin with though, so given what she thinks of Glenn in general and as a parent, it's not too shocking that her mind goes straight to murdering her own internal organs.
"Why Isn't There A Setting That Hurts People?"
Hell, she'd actually probably prefer using violence if she had the opportunity. In another world Dina would have been an even scarier and more diabolical Cersei Lannister, but on Superstore she is relegated to achieving what she wants through nonviolent means.
"Believe Me, If I Had Bullied Jonah, Justine Wouldn't Be The Only One With A Broken Nose"
Oh, poor Jonah. He's not exactly a small guy, but he would absolutely be crushed under Dina's fists if she ever decided that it was time to make him feel some pain.
If Dina decided to bully Jonah then not only would he be unable to defend himself, by the time he managed to settle his internal debate over whether physically fighting a girl is either egalitarian or unchivalrous he would likely just be a pile of ground beef on the floor of Cloud 9. And Dina would undoubtedly force Sandra to be the one to mop up Jonah's remains.
"Attention, Employees Make Your Way To The Break Room For A Harassment Meeting. Shoppers, Go About Your Business. This Is A Private Matter Concerning Our Floor Manager Amy, And A 14-year-old Boy."
Dina is a very severe and harsh woman, but one thing that she deserves a lot of props on is her commitment to equality. When she believes that a female Cloud 9 employee might be acting in an inappropriate way she tackles the issue just as hard as she would if it were a man.
Perhaps things at work would go more smoothly if Dina exercised some discretion, especially in this circumstance, but Dina is basically a blunt force trauma in human form. And she will call out what's wrong whenever she sees it, even if she has to call out her best friend "Rodriguez".
"Ooohhh, Peer Pressure From A Group Of People I Don't Respect. Now That's Scary."
When Dina is at work the employee handbook is her bible, so it's no surprise that she diligently avoids bringing anything outside of work into work, even if it's fun. When Halloween rolls around Dina refuses to wear a costume and the rest of the employees rag on her for it, but obviously their criticisms mean nothing to her.
She changes her mind, however, because her least favorite coworker of all time Sandra is dressed up as Dina for Halloween. So Dina slaps on the hottest cop uniform of all time, and the rest of the employees spend the day astonished.
"Some People Like To Hunt Elk Or Deer. I Hunt People. And Your Head Is Going On My Wall."
Dina takes all work very seriously, but shoplifters are on a whole other level. Enforcing rules and tormenting people are two of Dina's most favorite pastimes, so when she believes that she has caught a thief nearly red-handed she goes as hard as she can on them.
Her interrogation of said shoplifter is a scene straight out of NYPD Blue, and she makes it clear that she will not stop until the criminal has confessed to their crimes. And while plenty of people would probably enjoy hunting criminals, it's the mounted head aspect of this quote that makes it so memorable.
"You're The Only Slut In Here Sandra"
Sandra and Glenn are probably in constant competition for who is the biggest pushover at Cloud 9, but given how hard Dina goes in on Sandra it seems like she might be the winner in that race. After Jonah is kissed by the reporter from the Cloud 9 magazine Dina takes what she believes is a possible sex crime extremely seriously.
In the ensuing conversation between all of the employees, Sandra brings up slut-shaming, which earns this particularly cutting and hilarious response from Dina. Honestly, Dina's statement probably wasn't factually correct, but it was a great off the cuff retort to an innocent bystander.