He may be our favorite angel-turned-Winchester-sympathizer, among other things, but Supernatural's Castiel is also the master of the cute quip. His best lines, of course, were delivered when he wasn't even trying to be funny, and the clueless angel's meat suit looks even more hilarious as he quizzically wonders what he said to make us laugh. There are a few one-liners that Cas tried to make out of his own volition that ended up making us chortle even if they weren't delivered as he intended.
We hope the final season of the CW show will be speckled with some clever Cas quotes, but we doubt that any of them will measure up to the gems he's given us over the past 14 seasons.
If the pizza man truly loves this babysitter...
It's very complex. If the pizza man truly loves this babysitter, why does he keep slapping her rear? Perhaps she has done something wrong.
Dean Winchester is known to leave some questionable content playing on both the computer as well as the TV, so it's no wonder that Cas found himself drawn into a rather inappropriate program in the brothers' hotel room. His questions regarding the program proved that it wasn't fit for his angelic eyes.
Dean admonished Cas for openly discussing the movie and watching it with other dudes in the room but the damage had already been done. Later Cas attributed his kissing skills to the program, saying that he "learned that from the pizza man."
I found a liquor store... and I drank it
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The 99th episode of Supernatural gave us a quote so good that it even became a t-shirt at one point. When Cas gets angry at the unfair state of events, particularly regarding God, he decides to turn to the bottle like humans do, but the results are hilarious. When Sam asks if he's drunk, Cas confirms it, saying that he "found a liquor store... and I drank it."
Whether the angel truly drank an entire liquor store or not is left unknown, since even an angel with a high tolerance might find a limit somewhere within a human host, but an inebriated Cas is definitely a funny one.
Please accept this sandwich as a gesture of solidarity.
Remember back in season seven when the brothers were fighting against the Leviathans, monsters who would never have entered our world if it hadn't been for Cas's misplaced "good intentions" in the first place? When Sam and Dean are about to rumble with Dick Roman in episode 23, "Survival of the Fittest," Cas makes it clear that he's on their side... with a sandwich offering.
He presents each brother with a plate displaying a sandwich, saying, "Please accept this sandwich as a gesture of solidarity." It's proof that even after all this time, he still finds humor in human ways - and he thinks the way into someone's heart is his stomach, which, let's be honest, isn't always wrong.
You have reached the voicemail of...
I don't understand why... why you want me to say my name.
Castiel has always made using a phone so much funnier than it is to the rest of us, like the time he used a prepaid phone and told Dean, "The voice says I'm almost out of minutes!" But the funniest use of Cas's cell phone had to be the time Sam called him in season five and found a dubious voicemail greeting.
Sam dialed Cas's number and after the standard greeting stated, "You have reached the voicemail of..." Castiel, instead of simply stating his name, said, "I don't understand why... why you want me to say my name." It's hilarious, but it's also a bit weird; how did Cas figure out how to set up his voicemail in the first place?
It's funnier in Enochian.
Fake. It actually means, 'You breed with the mouth of a goat.' It's funnier in Enochian.
Castiel has a tough time embracing human pop culture, but he can explain ancient versions of modern jokes and demonstrate that he knows more about comedy than he seems to understand. When Dean asked Cas to explain a certain Enochian exorcism in season five, Cas told the older Winchester that it was bogus in a colorful way.
The fact that Castiel knows that it's funny proves that he gets more humor than we think he does, but it also gives him a really funny line in the process.
I don't understand that reference.
Even if Cas does begin to understand human ways, he often still doesn't get the many pop culture references that Sam and Dean drop throughout each episode. His response when he doesn't get one is simple enough: "I don't understand that reference." But it's so funny in Cas's trademark taciturn way that fans find themselves using it on everything from t-shirts to everyday conversation.
An example of its use in the show was when Dean asked him, "So what, you're like a Delorean without enough plutonium?" Cas's answer? "I don't understand that reference." On its own, it's a basic statement, but coming from the mouth of Cas, it's comedy gold.
You don't understand, I need pie!
In season eight, Cas makes the most Dean-ish apology to Dean after he caused the brothers to lose the angel tablet. When Dean tells Cas that his apology isn't enough, Castiel decides to head to the gas station and make a care package for Dean as a peace offering.
He picks out a bunch of random Dean items, from beef jerky to toilet paper, skin mags and beer. When he asks the clerk where the pie is and the clerk, already exasperated by Castiel's destruction of the shop, says he thinks they are out, Cas grabs him and says, "You don't understand, I need pie!" This is hilarious because it alludes to Dean's love of pie and gives us yet another reason to support Destiel, their pairing. His dropping of a wad of money to cover the sale is also funny.
Do you ever get tired of urinating?...
Do you ever get tired of urinating? I'll never get used to it
Many of the funny things that Castiel says revolve around the weirdness of being human, a condition that he's constantly still wrestling with even as he carries out what he believes to be Heaven's work in his meat suit, Jimmy. One of these happened to be about how strange peeing still is to the angel.
The angel has a point. Yes, Cas, we'll agree that it's a rather inconvenient side effect of being human, too, especially when it comes to road trips and going to the movies.
Why is six scared of seven?...
Why is six scared of seven? I assume because seven is a prime number, and prime numbers can be intimidating.
Cas's naivete is part of his charm, and many of his best lines are delivered while he attempts to make sense of human ways. Remember the time Cas tried to figure out the child's joke, "Why is six scared of seven?" in season nine?
Cas gave the question some serious thought, but doesn't quite understand the joke. It is the best answer to the question that anyone has ever given, so now we must all answer the question with Cas's reasoning instead of the standard answer, "Because seven ate (eight) nine."
Hey Ass-Butt!
Team Free Will refers to Sam, Dean and Castiel's commitment to stopping the Apocalypse, but fans have since used it to reference everything from their love of the show to their desire for Dean and Cas to finally get together. During his attempt to thwart the plans for the Winchesters to inhabit the bodies of Lucifer and Michael in an apocalyptic battle, Cas decided to serve as a distraction with not only a Molotov cocktail but some colorful language.
Of all the things the angel could say to delay the inevitable, "Hey assbutt!" is probably the last thing anyone expected to hear from his mouth. The phrase was such a delightful misuse of the English language that many fans use the phrase anytime they want to get someone's attention.