Star Wars is all about craziness. After all, it's a series featuring odd-looking aliens, sword-wielding wizards, and a bevy of physics-defying technology, and that's part of the charm. Without the zaniness of Star Wars, there wouldn't be a fan base eating up the content in droves. Unfortunately, not all of that content is golden.
Over the years, the Star Wars comic books have offered up some of the best, and worst storylines, not to mention a bunch that are downright weird, even for Star Wars. It's those off kilter, oddball tales that stand out, especially for fans left scratching their heads as to how many of them were green lit, in the first place.
The Ewoks & The Rainbow Bridge
In the aftermath of Return of the Jedi hitting theaters in the early 1980s, Star Wars fans were clamoring for some more material taking place in that galaxy far, far away. LucasFilm ultimately decided on several spinoffs from the films in order to feed a hungry fan base, which included two animated Saturday morning children's cartoons entitled Droids and Ewoks.
Ewoks #1 adapted the animated TV show with a story about a magical crystal that created an energy bridge made from the power of the sun. Wicket and company use the stone to cross a gorge of fire, where they encounter bipedal talking stones and a massive troll who just happens to be terrified of the dark. It's part and parcel of a bizarre series, overall.
Jabba On The Menu
Few Star Wars comic book stories are as weird, or pointless as Jabba the Hutt: The Hunger Of Princess Nampi. The story itself is rather mundane, involving Jabba and company being taken hostage by Princess Nampi, a large slug-like creature who wants access to his vast treasure stores.
She ends up devouring one of Jabba's minions in a bizarre mating ritual, before setting her sights on the great Hutt, himself. With Jabba on the plate, he plays his ace card - a small vial of xenoboric acid lodged in the skull of the henchman that was just swallowed. After activating it, Nampi dies a horrific death, and Jabba goes about his business.
Indiana Jones & The Millennium Falcon
Crossover events are nothing new in comic books. Sometimes they lead to some of the greatest story arcs ever told, while others are downright bizarre. This particular Star Wars story falls into the latter category with one of the most oddball fan fiction tales ever to make its way into an officially published comic.
Han and Chewie crash land on a planet where they're attacked by human natives from an ancient tribe. Han dies in a flurry of arrows, leaving Chewbacca stranded on the planet. Over a hundred years later, none other than the over the top Indiana Jones and his sidekick Short Round find the crashed Falcon, and a skeletal Han inside. Apparently Indy and Short Round were investigating tales of a local sasquatch, who turns out to be Chewie.
Vader Tries To Bungle A Weapons Sale
The original Marvel series of comics that followed in the wake of the Star Wars movies are hard to categorize as anything except slipshod. Many of the stories went off the rails into head-scratching weirdness, including a story where Darth Vader, the Scourge of the Jedi, is sent to throw a monkey wrench into a bank deal.
It all starts when Princess Leia and her advisor Viscount Tardi head to Aargau to get a loan for the purchase of new ships to aid the Rebellion. Vader shows up with three obvious looking assassins and tries to foil the deal. In the end, both sides get what they secretly want, with Vader threatening Leia not to pursue the matter further, lest her credit rating suffer. Oh, the horror.
The Puberty Monster
This particular Star Wars tale epitomizes everything that goes wrong when folks ignore their inner monologue and better judgment. Luke and Leia visit a local bar where they hope to get info on a new Imperial superweapon, but it doesn't take long for everything to go off the rails. For some odd reason, this bar allows the prepubescent Lahsbee race to get in, just as they dangle on the precipice of early maturity.
Knowing that Lahsbees turn into raging monsters when they hit puberty (which in turn is exacerbated by anger), Leia jumps on stage in a skimpy outfit to sing a tune after the original entertainment was axed. Apparently, no one thought about the ramifications of a titillating show on the mind of a kid who just hit puberty.
Dark Empire
The premise of the original Dark Empire storyline was an attempt to continue the legacy of the Star Wars franchise in the aftermath of Return of the Jedi. It was the first real stab at a sequel, and it would eventually help give rise to the monumental Expanded Universe (now called Legends) material that was largely canonized before Disney bought the franchise.
Dark Empire begins a few years after the fall of the Empire, and focuses on a resurrected Emperor Palpatine attempting to turn Luke Skywalker into his apprentice. The evil Sith Lord had been using clones to extend his own lifespan , a very weird plot device that would be stolen wholesale by J.J. Abrams for the critically panned Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker.
The Wicker Ewok
Fans of the classic Christopher Lee thriller The Wicker Man were either thrilled or insulted by this goofy tale, straight out of Tales From Vader's Castle #4. Another Ewok-inspired adventure, this story featured the Duloks, a race of aggressive aliens living on Endor who were first featured in the 1980s animated cartoon series.
The story involves Ewok Master Makrit betraying his own kind and attempting to trap them inside a gigantic Wicker Ewok, to act as a sacrifice for the terrifying Gorax. It takes all the elements of the original Caravan of Courage film, and the animated series, and turns it into an Star Wars Extended Universe horror story with one very weird homage.
The Emperor's Court
Folks more than a few decades old undoubtedly remember the smash hit real TV phenomenon called The People's Court, starring the iconic Judge Joseph Wapner. Someone decided it would be fun to adapt a Star Wars storyline using the exact same model, with Emperor Palpatine presiding over the case. The result was The Emperor's Court.
This tale begins with Darth Vader force-lifting everyone from their seats in an "all rise" moment, before the two sides go at it. The plaintiff is Greedo's young son, who accuses Han Solo of murdering his father in cold blood at the Mos Eisley spaceport. Solo attempts to clear his name by referencing George Lucas's controversial Special Edition edits, which Palpatine dismisses. It's a hilarious, albeit very weird Star Wars story.
Star Wars: The Original Screenplay
Diehard Star Wars fans know that George Lucas's original story treatment and vision for the franchise was quite different from what ended up on screen. For years, they scoured the internet looking for little tidbits that might shed some light on what the original screenplay had to offer. Eventually, Dark Horse Comics got the green light to adapt it into a comic series.
The Original Screenplay is weird, but for all the right reasons. All the familiar snippets are there, but the story is told in such a completely different manner that readers can't help but feel disjointed at how dissimilar everything is. It's very cool, and simultaneously one of the weirdest Star Wars comic tales.
Jar Jar's Regretful Father
It's hard to classify whether this story is just weird, or altogether disturbing. Perhaps a combination of both. It's an alternate reality take on the Binks clan, a family of whalers who are washed ashore on a deserted island. Jar Jar's father George R. Binks is ashamed of his son's ridiculous antics and behavior, which drives him to the edge.
He berates his son openly, before encouraging him to do something extremely reckless that would lead to his death. When it fails, George becomes so depressed that he shoots himself in the head with a blaster pistol, while fantasizing about another woman. It's definitely the craziest and weirdest tale of any Star Wars comic.