Summary

• Squidward often delivers relatable and funny quotes that resonate with adults who watch SpongeBob SquarePants.
• Squidward is the stand-in for anyone who is tired of the everyday grind and just wants to speak their mind.
• Squidward's quotes reflect his frustration with SpongeBob and his desire to be left alone, highlighting their contrasting personalities and resulting conflicts.

When it comes to SpongeBob SquarePants, the Squidward quotes are often highlights of every episode. Since the cartoon premiered in 1999, Squidward has been the straight man to SpongeBob's ridiculous fun-loving hero. However, this has also caused a lot of problems between the two. While SpongeBob seems to always want to have fun and seems a little oblivious to the serious side of life, Squidward is someone who just wants to be left alone and has little time for foolishness. That puts them at odds more often than not.

This also leads Squidward to deliver some great quotes that are often relatable to the adults who view the show. Even in new Spongebob Squarepants seasons, the best thing about Squidward in these situations is that, even though few people can relate to him as a character, he often says things that remain relatable to anyone who has been in a similar situation in real life. Squidward is easily the stand-in for anyone who is tired of the everyday grind and just wants to say what is on their mind.

20 "You Don’t Know How Happy I Am To See You Guys"

Season 1, Episode 14a - "SB-129"

In this episode, Squidward is doing everything he can to avoid SpongeBob on their day off, so he goes to the closed Krusty Krab and hides in the freezer when SpongeBob arrives looking for him. However, somehow, he ends up frozen in a block of ice for 2,000 years. He finally comes out and realizes that he can finally be himself, play his clarinet, and not worry about SpongeBob. With that said, what replaced SpongeBob is primitives that are worse in every way. Luckily, he finds a time machine and gets back home where he realizes his life might suck, but it could always be worse. It ended up as one of the best Squidward episodes.

19 "It’s Just A Cruel Reminder That I’m Single And Likely To Remain That Way Forever."

Season 7, Episode 151b - "Love That Squid"

In this episode, Squidward has a special moment when he gets to go out on a date with someone. The best part is that it happened after he hit a point of self-loathing. For anyone who has gone too long with a poor dating life, it is easy to let the world get them down. Early in the episode, Squidward has a book called "Squid Love" and after he sees two people find love because they are both illiterate and have that in common, he delivers this self-scathing line. Luckily, while his date was not the best, at least he had a chance to prove that his self-pity wasn't always warranted.

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18 "When I Die, You Stay Away From My Funeral"

Season 3, Episode 43a - "Just One Bite"

Squidward is rarely in the mood for something new, and he is even less willing to try something if SpongeBob is who suggests it. Despite working at the Krusty Krab, Squidward is not dumb enough to eat there. However, when SpongeBob wants him to try a Krabby Patty, Squidward does everything he can to avoid it. When SpongeBob becomes relentless, Squidward finally gives in. Of course, he won't go out without being a little facetious, as he agrees to try it but demands that SpongeBob stay away from his funeral if the burger kills him.

17 "It’s Almost As If The Evolutionary Clock Ticks Backward"

Season 5, Episode 99a - "The Two Faces of Squidward"

It's easy to relate to someone who realizes the people they work with make their job more annoying and difficult than it ever needed to be. On SpongeBob SquarePants, that is how Squidward reacts every day when he goes to work. When this episode starts, Squidward is trying to work while SpongeBob sings incessantly to him and won't stop. Squidward responds with this insult directed at SpongeBob and Patrick, but he ends up paying for it when he winds up in the hospital after a freak accident involving the annoying fry cook.

16 "I Knew I Shouldn’t Have Gotten Out Of Bed Today"

Season 5, Episode 100a - "Banned In Bikini Bottom"

There are always days when someone realizes that things have gone so bad that life would have been easier if they had just stayed in bed. When someone is around SpongeBob SquarePants for an entire workday, those thoughts probably come multiple times in a week. In this episode, one of the first things that happens is SpongeBob at work singing while working, and then he knocks Squidward over and destroys all his stacked cups. Squidward then breaks the fourth wall, stares into the camera, and delivers this very familiar line.

15 "Picture Him Naked. Oh My God, He's Hot"

Season 3, Episode 48b - "Squilliam Returns"

A common tactic that people have said worked to ease any nerves one may have had in a stressful situation was to picture those looking at them as naked. In reality, this isn't effective, especially when the people they look at appear to be more attractive than themselves. This happened to Squidward when trying to picture his rival Squilliam Fancyson naked to calm him down. To his horror, he discovered that Squilliam was indeed hot. It played well into the two halves of Squidward - one that is arrogant and one that has always had lower self-esteem.

14 "Here, Please Hit Me As Hard As You Can"

Season 2, Episode 36a - "The Graveyard Shift"

In stressful work situations, some employees may feel the urge to engage in irrational behaviors. For example, if an employee finds out they have to redo work they thought was already completed, they may jokingly ask a coworker to hit them with a baseball bat. Since Squidward is a restaurant employee, dealing with difficult customers who are asking endless questions made him want to be hit with a bat rather than continue the interaction. This is how Squidward normally feels at work, thanks to SpongeBob, and here he just acted on it.

13 "I Have No Soul"

Season 3, Episode 43b - "The Bully"

Everyone makes mistakes and engages in regrettable behavior at some point in life. When faced with past transgressions, people have two options. They can take responsibility, or they can rationalize their actions by detaching themselves from morality. In the quote, Squidward takes the latter approach by claiming he has no soul. While said in jest, proclaiming one has no soul can reflect a tendency towards avoiding shame and accountability. Of course, this is also a meta-quote since Squidward is an animated fictional character and clearly has no soul.

12 "What's Going To Happen? Am I Gonna Blow Up?"

Season 3, Episode 43b - "The Bully"

Squidward succumbs to the delight of eating a Krabby Patty, and when SpongeBob warns him to be careful, he snaps at the warning. Of course, as Squidward continued to grow and grow, it seemed like his comment might actually become a reality. He loved something a little too much, which is always a Squidward weakness. This was also an important SpongeBob SquarePants episode that dealt with the deep issues of addiction.

11 "What Are Those Neanderthals Doing? Can't They See I'm Spoiling Myself?"

Season 4, Episode 63 - "Have You Seen This Snail?"

Neighbors can either be helpful friends, neutral, or annoying lifeforms that stress everyone out. Unfortunately, Squidward's neighbors consist of SpongeBob SquarePants and Patrick Star. Just when he was ready to spoil himself after a long day's work, these annoying neighbors would often interrupt Squidward's peace, and they were the last people in the world he wanted to speak to in his free time. While SpongeBob and Patrick had a good reason for wanting to get Squidward's attention, he had much better ideas in mind than bothering with those two.

10 "I Order The Food, You Cook The Food. The Customer Gets The Food"

Season 3, Episode 2 - "Club SpongeBob/My Pretty Seahorse"

With increasing work demands and less separation between work life and home life, many people have a lot of work-related anxiety. Lower wages have also led many to believe that they will never feel financially stable and will be working up until lunch on the day that they die. For that reason, many can identify with this Squidward quote. He addresses the mundaneness and repetition of his everyday life and the feeling that he is working to survive and surviving to work. What is best is that he sees the end as being "and then we die."

9 "Too Bad That Didn't Kill Me"

Season 2, Episode 15 - "That Secret Box/Band Geeks"

Though most people don't actually want to die, everyone is guilty of muttering the phrase "just kill me" occasionally. This is particularly common in a situation where things could have ended worse than they did. If one has ever been in a situation where one has been seriously injured or so upset or shocked that it felt like one could have died, then this Squidward quote is certainly applicable. Sadly, throughout the history of SpongeBob SquarePants, this has been a position Squidward found himself in more than once, including here in one of the best SpongeBob SquarePants episodes of all time.

8 "Oh, It's Days Like This That Make Me Wish I Had Gone To College"

Season 3, Episode 53 - "New Student Starfish/Clams"

For years, college was considered the only way to have a successful life. In recent years, the narrative has begun to shift, and more individuals are choosing to instead attend trade skills and learn specific schools. It is important to have a path to follow, no matter what the path is. Some individuals often get stuck in service industries that don't pay them well or give them the benefits and protections they deserve. This is where Squidward ended up, and there are more times than he might like to consider when his life at his job is not the final destination he once dreamed of.

7 "That Was My Cheese. It's Supposed To Smell Like That, Kelp For Brains!"

Season 6, Episode 107b - "No Nose Knows"

Everyone has been in a situation where they are shocked by the lack of culture of those around them. This is how Squidward lives his life, as he feels he is more couth, mature, and sophisticated than everyone around him - even though he often proves he isn't all that he thinks he is. That is exactly how Squidward felt when SpongeBob threw away his cheese because of the smell. Any cheese lover will understand the aggravation that comes with others believing the cheese has gone bad due to the smell.

6 "I Hate All Of You"

Season 1, Episode 14 - "SB-129/Karate Choppers"

Everyone has been in a situation where they are completely annoyed with everyone surrounding them. Whether it be at work where one feels as though they are surrounded by less intelligent individuals or with their family where they feel their individuality isn't appreciated or acknowledged, one has certainly thought "I hate all of you" at one point in their lives. For Squidward, this seems to happen almost every single day of his life, and he has said a version of this line to SpongeBob more times than most viewers can count.

5 "Well, It Wouldn't Be The First Time You Ruined Everything"

Season 1, Episode 14 - "SB-129/Karate Choppers"

SpongeBob and Patrick are constantly interrupting Squidward's plans. Though he secretly loves them, he can't help but feel frustrated with them as they have no boundaries. In some ways, it's as though Patrick and SpongeBob are Squidward's children, constantly barging in on him. Though Squidward's lack of success isn't always their fault, he sure is quick to blame them for his shortcomings. This is natural as humans are often looking for someone else to blame. Everyone has one person or thing they feel holds them back, so everyone can relate to this Squidward quote in one of the scariest SpongeBob episodes.

4 "Please Come Again. When I'm Not Working"

Season 2, Episode 23b - "Bubble Buddy"

This quote is particularly relatable for workers in the service industry. These workers deal with numerous individuals coming in and out. Though they are required to be polite, often inviting them back again, there are definitely customers one does not want to see again. This can also apply to professionals dealing with clients for which they don't particularly care. Sometimes, one wishes they could tell them to go away. Unfortunately, not everyone can be as bold as Squidward as he delivers a line many waiters and service industry professionals want to say every day.

3 "Wake Me Up When I Care"

Season 6, Episode 119 - "Gullible Pants/Overbooked"

Squidward does not have the patience for nonsense. He is quick to let others know when he doesn't find worth in what they are saying, regularly shutting others out. Everyone has moments when they are forced to listen to someone talk about something they don't care about. Whether it be sitting in a staff meeting or listening to the story an acquaintance is telling, there are moments when one just wants to tell someone to shut up. In this situation, Squidward had no problem once again saying what everyone else wished they could.

2 "Fortunately, I Have Enough Talent For All Of You"

Season 2, Episode 15 - "That Secret Box/Band Geeks"

Squidward is not a modest character. This character has an air of superiority and regularly comments on his own talents. Though Squidward doesn't always have the skills to back up his assertions, many can appreciate his confidence. Everyone is good at something so in those situations, one often has to take the lead. So be like Squidward and do everyone's job for them while letting them know he is the one to thank. Whether it is playing his clarinet, using his over-inflated sense of intelligence, or any other number of things, Squidward is always overflowing with overconfidence.

1 "I Might As Well Sleep For 100 Years Or So"

Season 8 Episode 169a - "Are You Happy Now?"

This episode of SpongeBob SquarePants has SpongeBob show Squidward a book he has that has all his happiest memories written in it. Sadly, when he asks Squidward for his happiest memory, he admits he has never had one. This leads SpongeBob to take him out to find a happy memory, but when all fails as SpongeBob's attempts are actually terrible for Squidward. Squidward decides he just wants to sleep until the end and then die. Humorously, in the end, he says he never wanted a happy memory, destroys everything SpongeBob made for him, and shockingly realizes this is his happiest memory now.

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  SpongeBob SquarePants

  Cast:

  Tom Kenny, Bill Fagerbakke, Rodger Bumpass, Clancy Brown, Carlos Alazraqui, Paul Tibbitt, Dee Bradley Baker, Jill Talley, Tim Conway, Sara Paxton, Mark Fite, Mary Jo Catlett, Tom Wilson, Sirena Irwin, Lori Alan, Ernest Borgnine, Mr. Lawrence, Carolyn Lawrence

  Release Date:

  1999-05-01

  Seasons:

  13

  Genres:

  Comedy, Family, Animation

  Story By:

  Stephen Hillenburg

  Writers:

  Tim Hill, Stephen Hillenburg, Derek Drymon, Nick Jennings

  Network:

  Nickelodeon

  Franchise(s):

  SpongeBob SquarePants

  Directors:

  Vincent Waller, Dave Cunningham, Stephen Hillenburg, Paul Tibbitt

  Showrunner:

  Vincent Waller, Marc Ceccarelli

  Season List:

  SpongeBob SquarePants - Season 1, SpongeBob SquarePants - Season 2, SpongeBob SquarePants - Season 3, SpongeBob SquarePants - Season 4, SpongeBob SquarePants - Season 5, SpongeBob SquarePants - Season 6, SpongeBob SquarePants - Season 7, SpongeBob SquarePants - Season 8, SpongeBob SquarePants - Season 9, SpongeBob SquarePants - Season 10, SpongeBob SquarePants - Season 11, SpongeBob SquarePants - Season 12, SpongeBob SquarePants - Season 13, SpongeBob SquarePants - Season 14