Summary

• Patrick Star, SpongeBob's best friend, is one of the funniest characters on the show, delivering memorable one-liners.
• Despite his lack of intelligence, Patrick occasionally shows flickers of wisdom, valuing friendship over knowledge.
• Patrick's hilarious quotes often stem from his lack of understanding or obliviousness to his surroundings, making for laugh-out-loud moments.

SpongeBob SquarePants has plenty of funny moments, and the best Patrick Star quotes show why SpongeBob's closest friend features in so many of them. The fifth-longest-running American animated series, SpongeBob SquarePants debuted in 1999 and follows SpongeBob, a sea sponge who lives in the underwater city of Bikini Bottom. Patrick Star (Bill Fagerbakke), a starfish, is his dimwitted best friend, and ever since the show's first season, has been the source of some of its most quotable moments.

While all the characters on SpongeBob are funny, few are as quotable as his neighbor and best friend, Patrick Star. Patrick is an unfathomably dumb starfish that literally lives under a rock, and, as the show has looked inside his actual skull, he doesn't have one working brain cell to speak of, which might partly explain why there are so many hysterical Patrick Star quotes. While Squidward, Sandy, Mr. Krabs, and SpongeBob himself all have plenty of hilarious moments, Patrick stands out as one of the funniest characters on the show, delivering some truly memorable one-liners.

SpongeBob SquarePants is available to stream on Paramount+ and Amazon Prime Video.

Related: SpongeBob SquarePants Season 15: Renewal, Cast & Everything We Know

15 “Boating School?! I Thought This Was Spanish Class!”

Season3, Episode 53 "New Student Starfish"

In the season 3 episode of SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star does something no one really expects of him. He goes to school. Of course, he didn't actually become a full-fledged student, but when SpongeBob learns that Patrick just sits around and waits for him to get out of school, he feels he should take his friend with him.

When they get to class, SpongeBob shows Patrick the class science project — Roger, an egg in a box. One thing leads to another and the two have to save Roger the egg before it is too late. However, the best part is the punchline at the end where Mrs. Puff asks what saving an egg has to do with Boating School, to which Patrick admits he has no idea where he is. The fact he thinks it's Spanish class makes this Patrick Star quote all the funnier.

14 “Knowledge Can Never Replace Friendship. I Prefer To Be An Idiot!”

Season 4, Episode 68 "Patrick SmartPants"

Not all Patrick Star quotes display his stupidity, as sometimes the apparently-brainless starfish shows flickers of wisdom. In "Patrick SmartPants," Patrick Star becomes a genius and his head grows to monstrous levels. As he grows smarter, he finds it difficult to communicate with someone with as little intelligence as SpongeBob SquarePants, and his brain starts to sever their relationship.

Soon, he makes everyone mad by trying to fix things and not letting their feelings deter him. Finally, SpongeBob realizes that it was Brain Coral giving Patrick the excess brain, and he helps Patrick get back to normal. After this, SpongeBob asks if Patrick will miss being so smart and his friend replies that companionship is worth more than intellect. SpongeBob then assures him that he isn't "just an idiot," he's also his pal.

13 "I Don't Believe That's The Real SpongeBob"

Season 4, Episode 73 "Once Bitten"

As the episode title suggests, "Once Bitten" is a SpongeBob SquarePants vampire story. In this episode, a rabid Gary (thanks to a splinter) bites Squidward. However, Patrick makes things worse when he decides to tell everyone in town that it is "Mad Snail Disease." The residents of Bikini Bottom believe him and start to panic that the disease will spread.

Patrick is making up everything as he goes, and when he sees SpongeBob, he doubts that Gary's owner is actually okay. To back up his claim, Patrick explains he has suspicions because SpongeBob is "yellow," which not only makes no sense as SpongeBob is always yellow, but it perfectly encapsulates how Patrick's mind works. Bill Fagerbakke's delivery makes this Patrick Star quote especially memorable, and the fact the townspeople of Bikini Bottom buy into his explanation only adds to the hilarity.

12 "You Guys Talk Funny. Say More Words"

Season 4, Episode 70 "Chimps Ahoy"

In "Chimps Ahoy," Sandy learns that her benefactors from the surface world will take away her tree-dome if she doesn't come up with a new invention. SpongeBob and Patrick offer to help before meeting Sandy's bosses, who are chimps. When Sandy's bosses show up, Patrick is completely confused and has no idea what is going on.

However, he is soon distracted when he hears the three chimps talk in an almost aristocratic speech pattern. After Professor Percy, Dr. Marmalade, and Lord Reginald introduce themselves, Patrick is more than amused, and his reaction makes for an especially funny Patrick Star quote. As he listens more, he starts to pretend to be smart himself, calling himself "Doctor Professor Patrick."

11 "Dumb People Are Always Blissfully Unaware Of How Dumb They Really Are"

Season 2, Episode 37 "I'm With Stupid"

SpongeBob SquarePants will do everything he can to help his friends. When Patrick comes to him for help, SpongeBob is more than willing to do anything to help him. Patrck's parents are coming to see him in a one-off SpongeBob SquarePants appearance, and he doesn't want them to be disappointed in him and think that he is not smart.

SpongeBob agrees to act dumb, so Patrick will seem smarter to his parents. However, as he usually does, Patrick forgets they are playing parts and ends up treating SpongeBob terribly. When SpongeBob reminds him they are playing parts, his friend responds with this surprisingly insightful Patrick Star quote, which is made all the funnier by Parick being oblivious to the clear irony due to his own lack of self-awareness.

10 "Well, I've Done All I Can Do."

Season 2, Episode 9 "Survival of the Idiots"

SpongeBob and Patrick don't necessarily have the time of their lives while Sandy is hibernating. She beats them up severely, believing they are Dirty Dan and Pinhead Larry, and afterward, the pair are stuck inside her tree-dome in a snowstorm thanks to a frozen door. Their attempts to open it back up results in Patrick trying something ridiculous.

Patrick walks up confidently, believing an "open sesame!" will do the trick. Seconds later he is forced to admit defeat and says "Well, I've done all I can do." Patrick gives up pretty quickly, which is on par given his track record. However, even for him, this lack of effort and drive is laughable. This is one of the Patrick quotes from SpongeBob Squarepants that demonstrates how the character can make a moment hilarious with just a few words.

9 "I Can't See My Forehead."

Season 2, Episode 5 "Patty Hype"

Patrick is almost perpetually optimistic, not unlike SpongeBob. Therefore, it's funny whenever something makes Patrick mad — though few of his temper flares are as hilarious as in season 2 when he realized he couldn't see his forehead, with his ire makes for a truly unforgettable Patrick Star quote.

Naturally, his mood changes in an instant when he finds out why SpongeBob is mad, and Patrick tells his buddy how much he loves SpongeBob's idea to sell pretty patties. Patrick may get mad on occasion, but he doesn't stay that way for long. The fact that he was mad because of the stated reason above is pretty funny, especially over something like not being able to see his own forehead.

8 "Well Maybe It Is Stupid, But It's Also Dumb."

Season 3, Episode 17 "The Camping Episode"

Patrick could've been a good lawyer; the only trouble is, he's too good at arguing with himself. Take the example of when he and SpongeBob were telling Squidward about the dangers of sea bears in the season 3 installment "The Camping Episode." Squidward certainly didn't believe the two best friends, resulting in Patrick Star insisting on believing his own weird urban legend. Squidward went on to tell them how stupid he thought the very idea of sea bears was, to which Patrick replied by saying "Well maybe it is stupid, but it's also dumb." Once again, Patrick had a moment where he's incredibly hilarious and doesn't even know it.

7 "The Inner Machinations Of My Mind Are An Enigma."

Season 2, Episode 15 "The Secret Box"

As part of a running gag on SpongeBob Squarepants, Patrick will occasionally show his smarts and use big words to formulate his thoughts. This happened when Patrick said, "The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma." Patrick is keeping the contents of a secret box just that: a secret. Much to SpongeBob's consternation, Patrick won't allow his best friend to see what's inside, leading to SpongeBob deciding to try to steal the box and find out its content for himself. This Patrick Star quote is of course hilarious mostly because it's so out of character for the starfish to use words like inner machinations and enigma.

6 "Is Mayonnaise An Instrument?"

Season 2, Episode 15 "Band Geeks"

Squidward is in over his head when it comes to forming and leading a band in the season 2 episode "Band Geeks", especially with Patrick as one of his pupils. Patrick isn't the smartest in Bikini Bottom, but asking if mayonnaise is an instrument was dumb even for him — and the randomness of inquiring about mayonnaise of all things makes this Patrick Star quote one that's become synonymous with his lack of intellect.

It's even funnier that Squidward knows which condiment Patrick will ask about next when he lets the starfish know that horseradish is not an instrument either. Patrick didn't have great band practice that first night, as after confusing condiments with instruments he became a part of his own instrument when he made the mistake of kicking Sandy.

5 "24!"

Season 3, Episode 13 "New Student Starfish"

When SpongeBob invites Patrick to go with him to boating school, it starts out as fun and games. From Patrick's nervous introduction as "24", he and SpongeBob, in true best friend fashion, make a joke out of it and determine that 25 is even funnier. However, the fun and games and hysterical Patrick Star quotes soon grow stale for the pair as Patrick repeatedly gets SpongeBob in trouble.

Still, out of all the things Patrick could've said when Mrs. Puff asks him for his name, "24" is pretty random, and another incredibly hilarious SpongeBob Squarepants Patrick quote that stems from his lack of understanding of his surroundings.

4 "Leedle Leedle Leedle Lee."

Season 2, Episode 13 "Shanghaied"

Patrick Star not only entertains audiences with some of the funniest quotes in SpongeBob SquarePants, but also himself. When forced by the Flying Dutchman to be a part of his crew, SpongeBob and Patrick reluctantly agree to take part in the Dutchman's reign of terror over Bikini Bottom after witnessing Squidward be tossed into the "Fly of Despair." While out and about, the Dutchman howls, SpongeBob laughs, and Patrick sings "leedle leedle leedle lee" while steering the ship. It's nothing short of hilarious watching Patrick have the time of his life singing, and of course, damaging the Dutchman's ship in the process.

3 "No, This Is Patrick!"

Season 2, Episode 3 "Big Pink Loser"

Patrick's agitation grows each time someone calls and asks if they've reached the Krusty Krab, and Patrick — who is working at the front desk — repeatedly responds "no, this is Patrick", resulting in one of his most iconic and heavily memed Patrick Star quotes. In true Patrick fashion, he explodes on the last caller and grumpily utters that he's not a Krusty Krab until SpongeBob informs him that that's the name of the restaurant.

Patrick has a hard time working at the Krusty Krab, even with his best friend SpongeBob there to help. Despite his obstacles, Patrick still earned what he had gone to work to get anyway: a trophy. Plus, he gained quite a few laughs while audiences watched him attempt to navigate the working world.

2 "It's Not My Wallet."

Season 2, Episode 11 "Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy III"

While trying to teach Man Ray lessons in being a good person, Patrick is far from a good teacher to the villain. In fact, Patrick primarily succeeds in annoying Man Ray to the point of the villain wanting to commit crimes once again; like, wanting to rip Patrick's arms off when Patrick refuses to take his own wallet back. Patrick claims multiple times that the wallet that Man Ray is trying to return to him isn't his, even when Man Ray points out that Patrick's license is inside. This quote is yet another moment of Patrick turning an irritable moment into comedic gold.

1 "Where's The Leak, Ma'am?"

Season 2, Episode 14 "Frankendoodle"

While out with SpongeBob trying to put an end to the evil DoodleBob, Patrick takes a few good hits to the head. When a heavy wrench lands on him he's instantly dazed, blurting forth what is perhaps the funniest Patrick Star quotes. To add insult to hilarious injury, Patrick only had seconds to recover before DoodleBob aimed a bowling ball right at his face.

Even with what obviously was a serious head injury, Patrick still had a witty quote to go with one of the most meme-able SpongeBob SquarePants episodes. Audiences probably wouldn't trust him to fix their plumbing, but they certainly can expect a hilarious quote from Patrick Star in just about any circumstance.