Spider-Man and his nemesis Venom have had some violent, bloody, and just plain creepy fights over the years as Venom’s symbiote attempts to kill or re-bond with Peter Parker (often threatening to “eat his brain” during the fight). So, it’s probably a surprise to know that Spidey/Venom battles are also Marvel’s more kid-friendly fights…

Well, in a different universe anyway. In writer-artist Chris Giarrusso’s Mini Marvels series, the Marvel heroes (and villains) are recast as Charlie Brown-type kids, with their adventures and conflicts scaled down proportionally (Iron Man and Captain America’s “Civil War” gets fought on a playground).

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Once again, however, Spider-Man (aka “Spidey”) gets the short end of the stick when he runs afoul of a boy named Brock…

Spidey the Paperboy

In this universe, Spidey is a paperboy for the Daily Bugle (which still runs headlines like “Who is the Spider-Man Menace?” despite the fact that Spidey is obviously in their employ). While Peter’s web slinging abilities make delivering papers easier, he still runs into some irate customers – including grumpy Norman Osborn who likes putting on his Green Goblin outfit and screaming at Spidey to “Get off my lawn!” before lobbing pumpkin bombs at him.

Things get even worse when Norman’s son Harry goes crazy, puts on a Goblin Jr. outfit, and spends some quality father-and-son time trying to blow up Spidey with his dad. As the two prepare their latest death trap, however, they learn that their new paperboy isn’t Spidey at all – but Eddie Brock who’s recently become the symbiotic delivery boy Venom.

Wearing a living alien costume (which constantly tells everybody “I wanna eat your brains!”), Brock creeps out his customers but manages to deliver his papers in record time. When Osborn’s pumpkin bombs incinerate his newspaper, however, Venom gets on the Green Goblin’s bad side too. Frustrated, Venom heads back to the Daily Bugle where he learns that J. Jonah Jameson has decided to give both Peter Parker and Eddie Brock bigger paper routes. However, there’s a problem…

The Most BORING Venom/Spider-Man Fight EVER

Jameson informs Venom and Spidey they’ll have equal houses to deliver their papers to – with one exception. Turns out, Norman Osborn’s house is in the center of the neighborhood, meaning Brock and Parker will have to fight each other to get it. Naturally, neither Spidey nor Venom want to deliver to Osborn – so when Jameson forces them to run the Daily Bugle’s paperboy obstacle course (yes, really), both of them stand perfectly still, hoping the other will win and have to deal with the Green Goblin. Annoyed that Parker isn’t taking the bait, Brock shoves him – causing Jameson to warn the two boys that shoving or punching will add several seconds to their score. Finally motivated to fight (so they’ll lose), Venom and Spidey start beating each other up. Frustrated, Jameson calls a draw and proposes a new plan…

The next day, Norman and Harry are busy devising their latest death trap – when suddenly Venom and Spidey swing in to deliver the morning paper. With no clear victor, Jameson forced the two boys to work together to deliver the Green Goblin’s paper. Thanks to their teamwork, the two web up the Osborns and drop off their paper, having established a (surprising) friendship.

While Spider-Man and Venom have partnered up and come to a mutual understanding multiple times in the mainstream comics, Mini Marvels is probably the first comic to simply sidestep their decades-old rivalry entirely and have them skip to being friends. It’s a goofy ending, but easily one of the most kid-friendly comic book battles ever.

Next: Spider-Man is A Menace… Because He WANTS To Be