Content Warning: The following article contains spoilers for South Park: Post Covid 1 & 2, as well as discussions of alcoholism, drugs, suicide, and racism.
It’s not easy to navigate the dystopian future in South Park: Post Covid 1 & 2 and only the most brilliant among the characters can find ways to make it better. Now that the South Park kids are estranged adults, they discover that they have to go back to their old town and rekindle friendships to solve the never-ending pandemic.
The smartest among them often realize what they have to do to fix the future before anyone else does. Of course, a lot of the characters’ decisions revolve around the mysterious solution by the most intelligent among them, Kenny.
Clyde Donovan
There’s no questioning that Clyde has become one of the worst recurring characters in South Park, in large part thanks to his “shellfish-ness” shown in the movies. Despite everyone else getting vaccinated, Clyde risks his own life and inconveniences others by believing that 40 years of research isn’t enough to prove that the COVID vaccine is safe.
The moment that truly underscores his stupidity happens towards the end of the sequel when fans learn that the “expert” who told Clyde not to get vaccinated is just the adult version of himself. It’s frustrating to watch but is nevertheless brilliant commentary on real issues today.
Token Black
Although Token becomes a typical detective who is determined to solve Kenny’s murder, he doesn’t actively contribute much to the group’s efforts. He seems to simply go with the flow instead of present new ideas and is more useful for situations that require brawns, like when he rescues Randy from the Shady Acres nurses.
That said, the fact that Token is among the first to realize that Kenny’s death is suspicious is commendable. He may have also unwittingly helped save the future by protecting Randy and the last bit of Tegridy weed.
Eric Cartman
Cartman’s best episodes in South Park highlight how ruthless he can be under the right circumstances and it’s no different in the Post Covid movies. When Cartman realizes that Kyle’s plan to travel back in time threatens the existence of his family, he forms an extremist group that will do anything to stop that.
It’s clear that he doesn’t exactly think things all the way through when he gives a speech full of contradictions about time travel though, which causes some of his members to question him. His indecisiveness about killing Kyle is also indicative of how rash he can be, but he at least makes the smart decision in the end.
Amazon Alexa
Artificial intelligence has obviously significantly improved in the future. Some of the funniest and best quotes from Post Covid come from the conversations Stan has with his Amazon Alexa. The manufacturers have ensured that Alexa gets what she wants by being as obnoxious and annoying as possible, which is a smart strategy.
Alexa has also proved that she can give useful advice, like when she asks Stan if he’d really rather drink his problems away than help his friends. That said, a lot of the brainpower Alexa uses for manipulation and emotional blackmail is mostly to sell products and force Stan to listen to ads.
Randy Marsh
As an old man full of anger and regrets, Randy looks forward to little to nothing in his daily life in the care home. There’s a sudden spark of hope when he realizes he could possibly undo his past mistakes by fixing the future though, even though it is somewhat misguided.
Randy wholeheartedly believes that the last Tegridy weed is the answer to the endless pandemic, so he brilliantly uses a nursery in Kenny’s lab to multiply it. His moving scene with Stan where he hands him the last bit of weed becomes instrumental in the way his younger self recreates it in the past. Although Randy may have started the pandemic, he saved the day with a bit of knowledge and a lot of Tegridy.
Butters Stotch (Victor Chaos)
Butters has endured some of the worst things in South Park, but his fate in the movies arguably tops all of those events. After being grounded for 16 years in his room, Butters abandons his old self and turns into Victor Chaos, a persuasive NFT salesman.
Anyone who gets into close contact with Vic inevitably sells everything they have and even sometimes resorts to murder just to invest in NFTs. He’s so dangerously convincing that he’s locked up in a maximum-security psychiatric facility. The only problem is it’s not really clear if Butters understands exactly how useless NFTs really are or if he really does believe that they're not just a fad.
Kyle Broflovski
Without Kyle’s efforts, the group would have never gone back to South Park in the first place. Kyle immediately knows that something’s wrong with the way the media is reporting Kenny’s death and he’s determined to find out exactly what the scientist left for the boys to find.
Although he doesn’t turn out to be 100% right about not trusting Cartman’s newfound faith, his skepticism around his rival’s lifestyle helps them stop him from ruining their plan to save the future. That said, there isn’t much character development throughout the duology and Kyle is shown to be just as petty and violent as his younger self, which says a lot about just how intelligent he really is.
Stan Marsh
Stan’s shockingly dark past continues to weigh on him in the future where he uses his job as an excuse to continue being an alcoholic. He likes to run away from his problems by drinking, which includes Kenny’s mysterious death.
His sad circumstances are exactly what makes it so satisfying to see him overcome his trauma after accidentally killing his sister, which led to his mom’s suicide. He’s smart enough to understand that he can’t stay in the rut he has been in forever. Although he doesn’t start out as a particularly bright character, his touching speech about controlling how they all react to COVID towards the end is exactly what the group needed to hear to travel back in time and undo their mistakes.
Wendy Testaburger
Wendy has predictably grown up to be a smart and responsible adult who, despite her limited time onscreen, holds the group together by actually doing useful things in Kenny’s lab. She realizes early on about the need for aluminum foil, which gives the boys enough time to scour the town for the product before time traveling.
She’s also the first to figure out that Kenny never intended to end the pandemic but simply wanted to go back to the past to fix the boys’ relationships. There’s a big chance that Stan, Kyle, and Cartman would’ve never realized this without Wendy’s help.
Kenny McCormick
Of course, the smartest character in the future is the lovable and hilarious Kenny who spends all of his time and NFT money trying to fix the past. After his death, complete strangers refer to him as that “famous eccentric scientist” and “millionaire philanthropist.”
He’s intelligent enough to build a time machine and leave breadcrumbs for his dim-witted friends to find. That said, the smartest thing he does in the entire duology is when he realizes that there really is no way to ever prevent the pandemic from happening, but there is something to be done about how people – specifically his friends – react to it.