Like The Simpsons, South Park is about a set of main characters – in this case, Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman, and Kenny McCormick – but a given episode could be about any number of recurring supporting characters, or even an entirely new character who will never return in the future.
Trey Parker and Matt Stone will put any character in the show if they’ll help to tell the story at hand or deliver their uniquely libertarian message. Sometimes, these characters can be forgettable, because we’ll never seen them again. But occasionally, they’ll stand out. Here are the 10 Most Memorable Quotes From One-Off South Park Characters.
“Sorry to take the easy way out.” (Homeless researcher)
The episode “Night of the Living Homeless” hilarious parodies the tropes of zombie movies as South Park’s homeless problem worsens. Randy and the rest of the town council barricade themselves on the roof of the community center and fight for their lives like the cast of a Romero movie, while Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny try to find out the reason for the recent influx of homeless people.
This leads them to a homeless researcher. When the homeless get into the researcher’s house, he helps the boys escape and tells them he’s “taking the easy way out.” What follows is a series of painful suicide attempts.
“Tsst.” (Cesar Millan)
The real Cesar Millan posted a video on his YouTube channel recently in which he reacted to “Tsst,” the season 10 South Park episode in which he was parodied. When reality shows like Nanny 911 and Supernanny fail to discipline Cartman, his mom brings in Millan’s show The Dog Whisperer.
Soon, she finds that Millan’s techniques for reining in dogs’ behavior work on Cartman as well. And in the video, he had a great sense of humor about the show’s parody of him, saying that they nailed how he handles his consultations with clients. It’s one of Cartman’s finest episodes.
“And why would I do that? Because I’m such a charming fella?” (Josh Myers)
The A-plot of the episode “Toilet Paper” sees Kyle’s conscience get the better of him after the boys T.P. their art teacher’s house to get back at her for giving them detention. The B-plot is a hysterical parody of The Silence of the Lambs.
In the movie (an outright masterpiece), FBI agent Clarice Starling enlists the help of imprisoned cannibal Dr. Hannibal Lecter in her investigation into the serial killer known as Buffalo Bill. In the South Park parody, Officer Barbrady enlists the help of imprisoned T.P.-er Josh Myers in his investigation into the T.P.-ing of the art teacher’s house.
“I am a goo man.” (Goo man)
South Park’s 23rd (and most recent) season hasn’t produced any all-time classic episodes yet, but “Let Them Eat Goo” came close. In the episode, Trey Parker and Matt Stone offered their two cents on meat-free meat products with the introduction of a “goo man.”
The character is a clear allusion to Daniel Plainview from There Will Be Blood, and he’s a pitch-perfect parodic riff on the flamboyancies that Daniel Day-Lewis brought to Plainview in Paul Thomas Anderson’s masterpiece. With “Let Them Eat Goo,” Parker and Stone told viewers that whether they eat meat or not, we’re all just eating processed junk.
“You’ve got a lot of growing up to do, buddy. Suck my b***s.” (Gary Harrison)
Stan befriends his new Mormon classmate Gary Harrison in the episode “All About the Mormons,” and despite the fact that Gary is the nicest kid in school, Stan struggles to reconcile Gary’s religious beliefs with his own.
At the end of the episode, Gary gives Stan a long, poignant speech about how he’s disappointed that Stan couldn’t look past his religion and hilariously concludes, “You’ve got a lot of growing up to do, buddy. Suck my b***s.” Then, Cartman, having ripped on Gary throughout the entire episode, says, “Damn, that kid is cool, huh?”
“Jamie Oliver gave his speech at the UN today. He was not supposed to give that speech, Eric!” (Colonel Sanders)
In the episode “Medicinal Fried Chicken,” South Park’s KFC is replaced by a medical marijuana dispensary in an ongoing effort to rid America of unhealthy fast foods. This leads Cartman to build an illicit chicken-shelling empire in the vein of Tony Montana’s rise to power in Scarface. In a scene taken straight from Scarface, Cartman travels to Kentucky to make a business deal with Colonel Sanders.
There, the Colonel has Cartman’s business partner hanged, much to Cartman’s amusement. Later, when Cartman’s KFC addiction gets in the way of business and Jamie Oliver gives a pro-health foods speech at the United Nations, the Colonel turns on Cartman.
“Words are like bullets, and I let them pass straight through me.” (Dr. David Nelson)
The season 11 premiere “With Apologies to Jesse Jackson” is best known for its A-plot, in which Randy appears on Wheel of Fortune and blurts out a racial epithet. But it also has a great B-plot. Following Randy’s on-air insensitivity, South Park Elementary brings in a motivational speaker with dwarfism to talk about tolerance.
However, the plan backfires when they can’t get Cartman to stop laughing at him. Dr. Nelson insists that “words are like bullets” and he allows them to just “pass straight through” him, but Cartman eventually wears him down and the two have a mud-wrestling match in the playground.
“It does not make sense!” (Johnnie Cochran)
South Park’s pastiche of Johnnie Cochran was almost as perfect as Seinfeld’s (although Phil Morris’ portrayal of Jackie Chiles is still the gold standard for Cochran spoofs). In the episode “Chef Aid,” Chef finds that Alanis Morissette has stolen his song, “Stinky Britches,” and tries to sue the record company responsible, Capitalist Records.
However, the company brings in Johnnie Cochran, who promptly wins the suit with the “Chewbacca defense.” This is one of South Park’s many contributions to the world of academia. The term “Chewbacca defense” is now used to describe when a lawyer uses irrelevant details to confuse the jury instead of making a genuine argument.
“I will slap your face so super hard!” (Mr. Gueermo)
In its hysterical spoof of High School Musical, “Elementary School Musical,” South Park flipped the script on the movie’s premise. Whereas the Disney Channel hit revolves around a kid whose dad is forcing him to play basketball when his real passion is musical theater, the South Park episode concerns a kid whose dad is forcing him to do musical theater when his real passion is basketball.
In the movie, Troy is just worried about disappointing his father, who takes sports a little too seriously. But in the South Park parody, Bridon Gueermo is afraid that his dad will slap him.
“Bat-Dad knows no fear! Bat-Dad knows no pain! I want you, Marsh. I want you!” (Bat-Dad)
Trey Parker and Matt Stone had a tough time writing the episode “The Losing Edge,” in which the boys desperately try to get kicked out of their Little League Baseball tournament to reclaim their summer, because they had to invent new rules to intentionally lose a game.
They said on the DVD commentary that the character of Bat-Dad made the episode easier to write, because if they were struggling with the baseball scenes, they could just cut to Bat-Dad in the audience. The B-plot of the episode concerns Randy getting into drunken fights with other dads during every game; Bat-Dad is his Apollo Creed.