Since debuting in 1997, South Park has engaged audiences across the globe. The show achieves this through its brilliant sense of humor, elegant social commentary, and most importantly, its set of hysterical characters. These characters share distinct ages, religions, temperaments and economical statuses, allowing the show to explore a plethora of cultures.
Over the course of the last two decades we have seen these characters grow and cultivate distinct personalities for themselves on the show. Therefore, we believe it’s time that Stan, Kyle, Eric and Kenny, graduate from South Park Elementary, board the train at Kings Cross, jet off to Hogwarts along with other citizens from South Park, and put on the sorting hat. Here are your favorite South Park characters sorted into Hogwarts houses.
10 Eric Cartman | Slytherin
Eric Theodore Cartman could easily be the true heir of Slytherin, if not a reincarnation of Salazar Slytherin, or even Voldemort himself. His behavior and personality traits make fellow Slytherins appear angelic in comparison. He is narcissistic, sarcastic, rude, destructive, foul-mouthed, and basically downright evil.
Cartman is also a blatant racist. He often discriminates against people of color, other religions, and even females in general. This behavior mirrors the distaste Slytherins share for muggles.
9 Stanley Marsh | Gryffindor
At the mere age of eight, Stanley (Stan) Marsh appears far more mature and logical than most adults in the fictional town of South Park. Unlike his best friend Cartman, he is compassionate, caring, and kind-hearted.
Stan mirrors many traits of the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw houses. However, what makes him a true Gryffindor, is his ability and passion to stand up for causes he believes in, as well as his courage in helping others. For example, in the episode Cherokee Hair Tampon, Stan agrees to donate a kidney to his best friend Kyle regardless of how much it hurts. Moreover, in Whale Whores he singlehandedly stands up and saves whales and dolphins from being killed by the Japanese. Like a true Gryffindor, Stan always fights for what he believes is right, no matter the consequences.
8 Kyle Broflovski | Hufflepuff/ Ravenclaw
Kyle Broflovski draws inspiration from both emotion and logic. In the episode Going Native we discover that Kyle believes everything has a logical explanation and hence refutes supernatural phenomenon. He believes firmly in logic and reason, but Kyle is equally driven by emotion. He is incredibly loyal (a Hufflepuff trait) to his beliefs, religion, and family - most importantly his brother Ike, of whom he’s very protective.
During Harry’s first year at Hogwarts, we find out that when the Sorting hat cannot decide where to place a student, it takes the said student’s choice into account as well. With Kyle’s distinct personality on the show, we believe he would be a hard one to place for the sorting hat. Therefore, he could belong to either Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw, depending on which one he picks.
7 Kenny McCormick | Hufflepuff
Kenny McCormick is unlike any of his other friends. Coming from a very low income family, his upbringing and family life are very distinct from his other three friends. His parka covers his face, which makes his ramblings difficult to identify, in-turn making his personality hard to determine. In the earlier seasons of the show Kenny was also killed off in almost every episode, only to magically reappear later.
However, the one aspect of his personality that is clearly evident in the show is his loyalty to his friends. In the episode Jewbille, Kenny sacrifices himself to save others even after Kyle betrays him. He may be foul-mouthed towards others, but he is always compassionate and loyal to his friends, making him a true Hufflepuff.
6 Butters Stotch | Hufflepuff
Butters Stotch is the only student at South Park Elementary who actually possesses the innocence and temperament of an eight-year-old child. Unlike his fellow classmates, Butters never has an agenda and is aways happy to help anyone. He has a warm, caring and agreeable personality, much like other Hufflepuff students.
He is also incredibly loyal, like any model Hufflepuff alumni. Regardless of being treated badly often, especially by Cartman, he remains loyal to all his friends and adults in town, readily agreeing to do anything to help them.
5 Wendy Testaburger | Ravenclaw
Wendy Testaburger, Stan’s girlfriend, is often the voice of reason in South Park Elementary. Much like her boyfriend and other fellow Ravenclaw students, Wendy is incredibly knowledgeable, politically aware, and believes logic trumps all.
Wendy is well-liked and quite popular in school. However, she doesn’t compromise on her beliefs and often raises issues even if they hinder her popularity.
4 Randy Marsh | Gryffindor
Randy possesses distinct personality traits. Depending on the situation in front of him, he can either come across as intelligent, or the complete opposite, immature and dim-witted. His immaturity usually sparks up when Randy becomes obsessed with something. However, like any true Gryffindor, Randy possesses the requisite skills to be a good leader.
He holds a plethora of courage and is never scared to fight for his beliefs. For example, in the episode Margaritaville, Randy takes on a leadership position and convinces every South Park citizen to leave all materialistic things and live an economical life. He also takes up the leadership role during other times of conflict and danger, such as in the episode Night Of The Living Homeless. Randy leads the citizens of South Park to survive the night during an attack by zombie-like homeless people.
3 Mr. Garrison | Slytherin
Mr. Garrison has worn many hats during the run of this show. He has played the children’s school teacher, he’s come out as both a transgender and a lesbian only to once again identify as straight, and has even portrayed President Trump on the show.
Much like other Slytherin alumni, Mr. Garrison is incredibly opinionated and doesn’t appear to care about what others have to say. He is also a blatant racist, made evident in the episode Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo, where he tries to convince everyone to get rid of all Mexicans in town.
2 Mr. Mackey | Hufflepuff
Mr. Mackey is perhaps the most caring, sensible, and loyal adult in South Park. As the childrens' school guidance counselor and sex-ed teacher, Mr. Mackey always puts the kids' needs above his own and always offers sound advice.
He may be mostly known for ending his sentences with ‘'mmm kay,’ in the show, but Mr. Mackey’s caring and loyal personality would definitely make the Hufflepuffs proud.
1 PC Principal | Slytherin
A relatively new character to the show, PC Principal first appeared in season 19 of South Park. His life’s ambition is to be politically correct and force everyone around him to always be politically correct as well. Even though his mission promotes equality, the methods he uses to carry out his mission would make any Slytherin proud.
In true Slytherin fashion, PC Principal can go to any lengths to promote his cause. This often leads to him being incredibly aggressive and violent, even toward the children at school. He has zero tolerance for intolerance and doesn’t stop until his beliefs are accepted by everyone around him.