Summary

• Eric Cartman is a dark and twisted character, willing to go to extreme lengths to get what he wants, with no moral boundaries.
• Cartman's outrageous and offensive quotes provide satirical commentary on various social issues like gender roles, the cost of fun, and prejudice.
• Despite his despicable behavior, Cartman is a compelling and fascinating character due to his lack of limitations and his ability to push boundaries.

Eric Cartman is one of the most narcissistic and depraved characters in South Park and the best Eric Cartman quotes are a clear reflection of this. He represents the satirical embodiment of everything wrong with the human race, yet audiences can't help but find themselves fascinated by him. Although South Park creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker base the characters Stan and Kyle on their own personas, they've admitted that Eric Cartman partially embodies the darkest side of them that they would never dare expose to society.

Cartman is truly one of the most interesting characters on TV, and he is so well-written that he deserves some dedication. From making one of his school bullies literally eat his own parents to campaigning to have his friend's feeding tube removed in order to get a PSP, the darkest Cartman storylines on South Park proves that the deranged fourth grader will stop at absolutely nothing to get whatever he wants. That's the biggest reason that Cartman is so appealing. He literally has no boundaries and no moral compass to speak of.

20 "I Would Never Let A Woman Kick My A**"

Season 1, Episode 5, "An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig"

Most of the first season episode "An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig" was a parody of The Island of Dr. Moreau, with the bizarre Dr. Mephesto as a stand-in for Marlon Brando's Dr. Moreau. However, early episodes of South Park almost always started with the boys standing at the bus stop and talking about something. In this case, it was Stan showing up with a black eye.

When he says his sister Shelley beat him up, Cartman mocks him. Not only does Cartman say he wouldn't let a woman beat him up, he goes on a rant saying he would say,

"Eh, you get your bi**h ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie."

What really made this funny was that Cartman just kept going on with things he would say to the woman, each demand more ridiculous than the one before. By the end, Stan asks what Cartman is even talking about and he explains that he is just saying, "You're just a little wuss, that's all."

19 "Anything That's Fun Costs At Least Eight Dollars"

Season 9, Episode 12, “Trapped in the Closet”

"Trapped in the Closet" is one of the most controversial South Park episodes because it made fun of Scientology and is one of the reasons Isaac Hayes quit the show after the season ended. In the episode, Stan wanted to do something fun - but free. Cartman told Stan that was ridiculous because of the law of physics. According to Cartman, this law proves that anything fun has to cost at least $8. It was a funny quote, especially with Cartman saying it was based on physics, but Stan should have listened. Instead, he took a free "personality test" from Scientologists, and they offered him a spot for just $240.

18 "Hippies. They're Everywhere. They Wanna Save The Earth, But All They Do Is Smoke Pot And Smell Bad."

Season 4, Episode 6, “Cherokee Hair Tampons”

In "Cherokee Hair Tampons," Kyle is sick and might have kidney failure. Because his family can't afford the medical bills, they decide to try holistic medicine at a Native American New Age shop in town. This disgusts Cartman, who shows his disdain and continued prejudice by mocking the people who go to the store, calling them "hippies" and then delivering thi quote that shows what his narrow-minded views think of them. It isn't the first time that Cartman has insulted the hippy culture, but as always, Cartman's own ignorance bites him in the end when Stan tricks him into donating a kidney to save Kyle.

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17 “Words Cannot Express How Much I Hate You Guys”

Season 3, Episode 14, “The Red Badge of Gayness”

"The Red Badge of Gayness" has Cartman at his absolute worst. When the kids have their annual American Civil War reenactment, most of the kids act as a Union Army rally band. However, when it comes time to start, Cartman comes dressed as General Robert E. Lee, and he takes on the full personal as a Confederate soldier. He then gets the Confederate re-enactors drunk on Schnapps and has them actually attack Topeka. His goal is to win the war for the South all these years later, and he sends a letter to Stan and Kyle saying he will win this war and will enslave them because "I hate you guys, so very much."

16 "How Do I Reach These Kids?"

Season 12, Episode 5, "Eek, A P*nis!"

In one of the most ludicrous storylines in South Park history, when the school removes Mr. Garrison from his job teaching, they ask Cartman to replace him. While that makes no sense, it gets crazier as the students steal all the test notes and ace their next test, with the school officials deciding that Cartman is just that great of a teacher. He is then sent to an inner city school to teach, and utilizing a comb-over similar to Edward James Olmos in Stand and Deliver, this episode smartly parodies that 1988 drama. What makes this line so funny is that it is what Olmos' character said, and he just repeats it throughout the episode in an exasperated tone.

15 "I Kinda Always Thought You Were My Best Friend"

Season 5, Episode 13, "Kenny Dies"

Cartman is friends with Kyle, Stan, and Kenny, but he also despises them in equal measure. However, the one friend that Cartman seems to respect the least is Kenny. This is mostly because Kenny is from a family without any money, and Cartman likes to always make fun of him for his struggles. Despite that, in this episode, Cartman suddenly says that Kenny has always been his best friend. This is a lie, as Kenny is dying and Cartman wants to use his friend's illness to get stem cell research legalized again after the government bans it.

Cartman pretends to be Kenny's closest friend and finally convinces the House of Representatives to pass a bill allowing stem cell research to save his friend's life. However, the big twist here is that Cartman doesn't use stem cell research to save Kenny, who dies, but somehow uses it to duplicate his favorite pizza place. It is the perfect lie to show how Cartman really only cares about himself.

14 "Maybe, We All Have To Learn To Live Together"

Season 9, Episode 11, "Ginger Kids"

Cartman is full of prejudice and there might not be a minority in existence that he doesn't proclaim to hate. He has gone off on everyone from Kyle to Token to Wendy with his full-on rage at times. However, it seems that he hates people with red hair almost more than anyone else, saying they suffer from "Gingervitis." Sadly, Cartman is so aggressive in his hate speech that other kids start to join in. To prove a point, Stan, Kyle, and Kenny sneak into Cartman's bedroom when he is sleeping and dye his hair red, bleach his skin a pale color, and add tattoos of freckles on his face.

This quote comes after Cartman realizes he is now a target of all the hate speech from the kids who previously followed him. One thing that stands out about Cartman is that he is easily one to dish out insults, but when they come at him, he develops a complex and becomes overly defensive. After spending the entire episode insulting others, he decides he is one of them and says if they "exterminate everyone who isn't ginger then we're no better than they were for thinking less of us." It is typical Cartman, spinning things to make himself look better.

13 "Screw You Guys, I'm Going Home!"

Season 1, Episode 1, "Cartman Gets An Anal Probe"

Cartman has a tagline from the very first episode of South Park. In this episode, aliens abduct him and perform an anal probe on him. However, no one believes him and he finally gets tired of telling his story to skeptics. Cartman decides he has better things to do than hang around with his friends, so he simply drops in one of his most famous lines, "Screw you guys, I'm going home." He starts saying it more and more, often changing how he says it and making it one of his funniest lines. This became something fans of the show would quote all the time in its early seasons of South Park.

12 "No, Kitty, This Is My Pot Pie..."

Season 1, Episode 1, "Cartman Gets An Anal Probe"

One of the running jokes in South Park about Cartman is his love of eating, which often causes his friends to make fun of him. He is also very demanding of his mother and wants to ensure he has food whenever he wants it. This starts in the first episode when Cartman is at home and gets himself some delicious pot pie. As he sits on the couch, his family kitty walks into the room and looks at him, letting out a low meow. This sets off Cartman who assumes the cat wants his pot pie. Every time the cat meows, Cartman gets angrier until he calls the kitty bad because it is his pot pie. It goes a long way to show his anger issues.

11 "How About We Sing Kyle's Mom's Is A Stupid B**ch In D Minor"

Season 1, Episode 9, "Mister Hanky The Christmas Poo"

Cartman has said a lot of bad things to people, but in the first season, he delivers a quote that actually turns into a musical number that even repeats itself in the movie. In this episode, Kyle's mother protests the Christmas play and the school has to remove all mentions of Jesus and Santa from all songs and designs. Cartman, angry about the entire situation, lets Kyle know what he thinks about his mom. When Kyle gets angry, Cartman turns it into a huge song and dance number.

By the end, he has all the other kids dancing and clapping with him and Mr. Garrison is even smiling. The song ends up repeated on a playground, with Kyle's mom showing up to catch Cartman in the act, but that doesn't deter him either. When Cartman gets something in his head, he doesn't let it go.

10 "Selling Out Is Sweet Because, When You Sell Out, You Get To Make A Lot Of Money."

Season 2, Episode 9, "Chef's Chocolate Salty Balls"

One of the funniest Eric Cartman quotes comes from "Chef's Chocolate Salty Balls," an episode that sees the Sundance Film Festival move to South Park. In the episode, Kyle is worried about Mr. Hanky's home becoming polluted and shows Mr. Hanky to the people in charge of the movie festival. However, they mistakenly believe this is a movie idea, prompting Cartman to sell Mr. Hanky shirts. At the end of most South Park episodes, Stan or Kyle will reveal a lesson they have learned. Of course, whenever Cartman unleashes his "morality," it is always comical and mostly offensive. At the end of the episode, Cartman spouts this little gem.

9 "I'm Not Fat, I'm Festively Plump!"

Season 16, Episode 9, "Raising the Bar"

Perhaps if he wasn't so cruel to Kyle, Stan, and Kenny, his friends wouldn't throw so many digs at his weight. But he is Eric Cartman, so he kind of deserves everything that's coming to him. Throughout the series, Cartman has attempted to defend his weight as just being "big boned" and has even been quoted saying "I'm not fat, I've just got a sweet hockey body." Either way, some of the best Eric Cartman quotes come when he tries to defend himself.

In season 16 of the series, in an episode titled "Raising the Bar," (one of the few Emmy-nominated episodes of South Park) Cartman admits to Kyle that he isn't big-boned or festively plump. He is just really fat. Audiences assume for a brief moment that Cartman might actually attempt to change his ways and start making more of an effort to lose weight. Instead, viewers find out he is thrilled to be "festively plump" because it means he gets to ride around everywhere in a mobility scooter and gain special privileges because of it.

8 "I Don't Make The Rules, Ma'am. I Just Think Them Up And Write Them Down."

Season 15, Episode 5, "Crack Baby Athletic Association"

Creating the Crack Baby Athletic Association is probably one of the worst things Cartman has ever done in South Park. The episode sees Kyle volunteering after he is moved by a Sarah McLachlan commercial depicting babies that are born addicted to crack cocaine but is surprised to see that Cartman is also volunteering there as well. It turns out he, Butters, Craig, and Clyde have started a business in which they make the babies fight each other. In the episode, Cartman is interviewing one of the prospective mothers of a future crack baby, and when she protests one of his rules, he spouts off this priceless quote

7 "In The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe, A Bunch Of Hippies Walk Around And Paint Stuff."

Season 2, Episode 4, "Chickenlover"

Why would Eric Cartman ever follow the rules by actually doing a homework assignment? While the South Park episode "Chickenlover" isn't wholly about Cartman's botched book report, one thing is made perfectly clear in the episode, it's that Cartman will continue to do everything he can to cheat and manipulate the system. This includes making up his own version of the book he was supposed to read for his book report while hoping Mr. Garrison will buy into his bull. Of course, Mr. Garrison is well aware if one of his students is spouting lies in an attempt to weasel their way through an assignment. It just so happens that Cartman does this pretty much all the time.

6 "I Know Enough To Exploit It."

Season 7, Episode 9, "Christian Rock Hard"

Of course, Cartman is only ever interested in something if it can provide him with a sense of power or financial gain. He would never genuinely find interest in any given religion or organization unless it meant he'd end up swimming in cash. That's why in the episode "Christian Rock Hard," Cartman forms a Christian rock band in an effort to earn some morally gray riches.

It is one of the funniest episodes of the entire series because of Cartman's complete lack of morality and the sheer amount of hilarious quotes, such as when Stan tells him he knows nothing about Christianity, and Eric says back, "I know enough to exploit it." This ultimately gets him in a lot of trouble (as it should). It's always hilarious to see what lengths Cartman will go to in order to gain supremacy, just to see it all come crashing down at the end of each episode.

5 "I Made You Eat Your Parents."

Season 5, Episode 4, "Scott Tenorman Must Die"

By far one of the most disturbing South Park installments, this season 5 episode titled "Scott Tenorman Must Die" marked a huge tonal shift in not only the series but for Eric Cartman in general. In the first couple of seasons, Cartman was the tubby naive kid who no one in the town took seriously (and they still don't), but this episode marked just how sadistic this kid really is.

In this episode, Cartman is tired of being bullied by an eighth-grader named Scott Tenorman, so in one of the biggest television twists, audiences find out Cartman has made Scott eat his parents by placing their body parts in a bowl of chili during a chili cook-off. It's the ultimate example of how far Cartman will go to deal with those who wrong him, and a real picture of his overall character.

4 "I'm Your Job!"

Season 25, Episode 3, "City People"

One of the most recent Cartman quotes comes from the season 25 episode "City People," and it's the perfect personification of Cartman's character. In the episode, Mrs. Cartman decides that she needs to get a new job because the recent real estate boom in South Park has caused their rent to go up. Utterly distraught that his mother's attention will be taken away from him, Cartman desperately tells her, "I'm your job!"

Mrs. Cartman gets a job anyway, as a real estate agent, so Eric retaliates by getting the same job and outselling her brokerage to the influx of city people that are moving to the area. It's a low blow, even for Cartman. However, he does get his just desserts in the end, as thanks to him, the entire market collapses, and the Cartmans are forced to buy a defunct hot dog restaurant to live in.

3 "Was It Worth It? Totally..."

Season 7, Episode 11, "Casa Bonita"

Cartman is willing to spread panic throughout his entire town just so he can go to Casa Bonita for Kyle's birthday. When Kyle doesn't invite Cartman to his birthday in the classic South Park episode "Casa Bonita" (which is full of classic moments) and decides to take Butters instead. Cartman manipulates Butters into thinking the world is about to end, so he makes Butters hide in a bomb shelter so that he can get invited to Casa Bonita. Of course, one of the most predictable Eric Cartman quotes proves that doesn't regret a thing he has done because he gets to enjoy the restaurant, which he considers to be "Mexican Disneyland."

2 "Respect My Authoritah!"

Season 2, Episode 4, "Chickenlover"

This is one of the most well-known Cartman quotes and for a good reason. The first time it comes about is in the season 2 episode "Chickenlover" where Cartman acts as a police officer and demands that people respect his authority. He beats people with his baton and takes advantage of his position in power by torturing all those around him. The funniest part is his accent, where he can't properly pronounce basic words such as "authority." His strange pronunciation of words is finally addressed in the Season 15 episode "The Poor Kid" where Kyle classically tells Cartman, "My name is not Kyeel."

1 "Kyle, You Really Think I Would Spend 40 Years Of My Life Just To Get A Rise Out Of You?"

Season 24, Episode 3, "Post COVID"

The South Park "Post COVID" special is set 40-odd years in the future when the pandemic is finally waning. The episode sees the four boys, now adults, reuniting at Kenny's funeral after his mysterious death as a scientist studying the Coronavirus. However, what Kyle is especially shocked to see is that an adult Eric Cartman has converted to Judaism and is now a rabbi with a Jewish family. Kyle, of course, suspects that this is all an act.

This is when one of the funniest Eric Cartman quotes comes into play, as he says, "Kyle, you really think I would spend 40 years of my life just to get a rise out of you?" The quote is hysterical because, yes, both audiences and Kyle believe that Cartman would stoop so low just to get on Kyle's nerves. However, it actually turns out his life as a converted rabbi isn't just for show, in an interesting South Park twist.

• 

  South Park

  Summary:

  Beginning in 1997, South Park has become one of the most successful and popular adult animations ever. The five-time Emmy-winning series follows Stan Marsh, Eric Cartman, Kyle Broflovski, and Kenny McCormick, as they find themselves in unbelievable situations in South Park, Colorado, while trying to navigate the world as fourth graders.

  Cast:

  Trey Parker, Matt Stone

  Release Date:

  1997-08-13

  Seasons:

  26

  Main Genre:

  Comedy

  Genres:

  Comedy, Sitcom

  Story By:

  Trey Parker

  Writers:

  Trey Parker

  Network:

  Comedy Central

  Streaming Service(s):

  Netflix

  Franchise(s):

  South Park

  Directors:

  Trey Parker

  Showrunner:

  Trey Parker

  Season List:

  South Park - Season 1, South Park - Season 2, South Park - Season 3, South Park - Season 4, South Park - Season 5, South Park - Season 6, South Park - Season 7, South Park - Season 8, South Park - Season 9, South Park - Season 10, South Park - Season 11, South Park - Season 12, South Park - Season 13, South Park - Season 14, South Park - Season 15, South Park - Season 16, South Park - Season 17, South Park - Season 18, South Park - Season 19, South Park - Season 20, South Park - Season 21, South Park - Season 22, South Park - Season 23, South Park - Season 24, South Park - Season 25, South Park - Season 26