With more than 600 episodes to its name, The Simpsons has plenty of hilarious installments. Even if only 5% of the episodes are great, that’s still more than 30 great episodes. One such episode is season 3’s “Homer at the Bat,” in which Mr. Burns hires some Major League legends as ringers on the power plant’s softball team.
It was the first episode of The Simpsons to beat The Cosby Show in the ratings (back when The Cosby Show was widely beloved, before haunting revelations about its star), while showrunner Al Jean has named it one of the show’s five most essential episodes.
Mr. Burns Names His Dream Team
After making a million-dollar bet with a fellow power plant owner about the softball championship, Mr. Burns decides to bring in some ringers: Cap Anson, Pie Traynor, Jim Creighton, Gabby Street, Nap Lajoie, Harry Hooper, Honus Wagner, “Shoeless Joe” Jackson, and Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown.
However, Smithers informs him that they’re all dead: “In fact, your right fielder has been dead for 130 years.” So, Burns recruits Smithers to scour the current crop of ball players and recruit the best to play as ringers on the plant’s softball team.
“Are You Better Than Me?” “Well, I’ve Never Met You, But...Yes.”
When Mr. Burns announces his ringers, Homer meets his replacement, Darryl Strawberry, and tells him, “You’re Darryl Strawberry.” Strawberry replies, “Yes.” “You play right field.” “Yes.” “I play right field, too.” “So?”
Homer asks Strawberry, “Are you better than me?,” and Strawberry replies, “Well, I’ve never met you, but...yes.” When you’re Darryl Strawberry, you can make an educated guess about that kind of thing.
Mike Scioscia Enjoys Blue-Collar Work
While the rest of Mr. Burns’ ringers take the easy paycheck and neglect their in-name-only positions at the plant, Mike Scioscia dives headfirst into blue-collar work.
Carl says, “Scioscia, I don’t get it. You’re a ringer, but you’re here every night, busting your butt, hauling radioactive waste.” Scioscia explains, “It’s a relief from the pressures of playing big-league ball. There, you make any mistake, and boom, the press is all over you.” Then, Scioscia spills radioactive waste all over the floor and says, “Uh-oh.” Carl casually says, “Don’t worry about it.”
José Canseco Recovers Items From A Burning House
One night, José Canseco is walking down a suburban street and notices a woman standing outside a burning house. She tells him that her baby inside and he fearlessly rushes in to save it. Then, the woman hears her cat meowing from inside, and sends him back in to get it.
After saving the baby and the cat, Canseco is sent back into the house (where the flames are intensifying) to get such trivial, replaceable, non-essential items as a self-playing piano.
Ken Griffey, Jr. Comes Down With A Case Of Gigantism
When Mr. Burns brings on his ringers, he gives them all a brain-and-nerve tonic to drink. He tells them, “It's a brain-and-nerve tonic, rich in proteins and electromagnetic juices. It promotes robust health. It has been known to cause gigantism, but only in rare cases. Try some.”
Ken Griffey, Jr. gets particularly hooked on the tonic, and ends up suffering the worst-case scenario of contracting gigantism. He’s admitted to hospital with a large, swollen head.
“Mattingly, I Thought I Told You To Trim Those Sideburns!”
The first time Mr. Burns lays eyes on Don Mattingly, he tells him to trim his sideburns, despite the fact he doesn’t have any. The next time Burns sees Mattingly, he reminds him that he told him to trim his sideburns. Mattingly is baffled; he doesn’t know what Burns considers to be sideburns.
The next time this occurs, Mattingly has shaved the whole sides of his head. And Burns still says, “Mattingly, I thought I told you to trim those sideburns!” Burns kicks him off the team, and as he leaves the field, Mattingly mumbles that he still prefers Burns to George Steinbrenner.
Bart And Lisa Taunt Darryl Strawberry
Since Darryl Strawberry was hired in Homer’s place, Bart and Lisa taunt him at the championship game in an attempt to get him replaced with “Home Run Homer.” They yell, “You stink, Strawberry!,” and repeatedly call out his name: “Daaaaarryl! Daaaaarryl!”
Marge tells them they’re being too harsh to Strawberry, but Lisa assures her, “Mom, they’re professional athletes. They’re used to this. It rolls right off their backs.” However, Strawberry is then shown in closeup with a tear rolling down his cheek.
“Tell Me When Your Father Stops Scratching Himself.”
Marge films Homer from the stands as he sits on the bench and waits to be called up to the plate. When he starts scratching his crotch, Marge points the camcorder down at her feet and asks Bart and Lisa, “Tell me when your father stops scratching himself.”
After a few seconds, when she’s gotten no response, Marge says, “Kids...?,” and Bart assures her, “We’ll tell ya, Mom.”
The First Pitch Knocks Homer Unconscious
In the climactic moment of “Homer at the Bat,” Homer finally gets to step up to the plate. The plant is one run away from winning the game. Mr. Burns has distracted Homer with all kinds of gesturing, so he’s not sure what to do.
Luckily, the first pitch whacks Homer on the head, knocking him out, meaning that he automatically scores the winning run. His teammates carry around his unconscious body in celebration.
Talkin’ Softball
For the end credits of “Homer at the Bat,” Jeff Martin wrote a parody version of Terry Cashman’s “Talkin’ Baseball” entitled “Talkin’ Softball,” with the lyrics reflecting the events of the episode. The show’s producers even tapped Cashman himself to come in and record this version of the song, so it sounds authentic.
Although the original song is iconic today, it actually didn’t manage to get played on any Top 40 radio stations. The only chart it made was the Billboard Adult Contemporary chart.