You may know him as the founder of the Human Fund, a former employee of Vandelay Industries, or simply Lord of the Idiots, we all know him as the one and only George Costanza. George is what many would describe as a weak, spineless, man of temptations, but what if we told you that underneath that bald head was actually a wise mind?
Whether he knew it or not, George was actually capable of some very interesting words of wisdom. Though they might not have sounded genius at the time, on their own they are quite interesting. Here are the ten nuggets of wisdom from George Costanza.
It’s Not a Lie if You Believe It
We're not going to lie (though George would), this is just a sleazy bald guy's secret to the perfect fib. However, if looked at from another angle, it's actually a simplified, though misguided, version of living one's truth. It might not beat a polygraph, but it might give one a little more zest for life.
Though not the words we would use to build our mental morale, for someone like George Costanza, it fits. After all, though George might not be the most stellar of human beings, he is living his truth. Isn't he?
I’m Much More Comfortable Criticizing People Behind Their Backs
And now we take things from something focused on a lie to a cold hard truth that we're all guilty of. George is never afraid to speak his twisted little mind, provided the right people aren't in earshot. As long as he's with his friends at the coffee shop, he's never afraid to criticize the rest of his peers.
In all honesty, how many of us haven't criticized someone behind their back? What makes George actually wise in this scenario is that he's actually able to admit it. Though he might not be much in the integrity department, at least he's honest about that.
I Would Drape Myself in Velvet if it Were Socially Acceptable
Yet another sequence of George being shockingly, but bluntly, honest is this little gem. Although George's fabric of choice might differ from yours or ours, who's to say we all haven't had a similar notion? Everyone has their favorite comfy/slouchy clothes. His might be a velvet leisure suit, ours might be some cozy pajamas or yoga pants.
George might be reaching Lebowski levels of content on this one. If it's comfortable, efficient, makes us happy, why shouldn't we embrace an article of clothing that we love? Let's just hope he washes his velvet on a regular basis, though.
You Can Stuff Your Sorries in a Sack, Mister
Definitely one of the more repeated lines in the show's history, it's certainly one still relevant (and memeable) to this day. However, if looked at through the right lens, the phrase can have a different, dare we say, more profound meaning.
On one hand, it can represent the futility of words without action as demonstrated by George in the "India" episode. Apologizing without correction of behavior is a toxic quality, perhaps this is used to call them out. On the other hand, it could represent holding on to regrets, again illustrating futility.
The Marine Biologist Spiel
Though this number has little in terms of sage advice or words to live by, we're including it on our list as a prime example of how when properly motivated, or to keep up a charade, George can be quite the powerful speaker. This is perhaps the most verbose we've ever seen the guy and quite frankly, we're impressed.
George goes from his typical snarky and self-centered persona to someone that sounds like Beowulf narrating some ancient Viking epic. We are hooked on his narrative skills in one of the most memorable moments from the show, though this might just be a typical matter of embellishment.
I Love a Good Nap, Sometimes it’s the Only Thing That Gets Me Out of Bed in the Morning
Yet again, we see another brilliantly relatable quote from the hidden genius that is George Costanza. This is one of those quotes that some, perhaps a lot, of us can all relate to. After all, who doesn't enjoy a good nap in the middle of the day?
Though this is simply perhaps a blatant testament to George's laziness and slothful being, we can't say we aren't guilty of this as well. A nap really does a body good, and something tells us Mr. Costanza has definitely indulged once or twice in his career. Even going as far as to build a napping desk. Gotta give him credit for ingenuity.
This Thing's Like an Onion, the More You Peel It the More It Stinks
All Shrek references aside, this is perhaps one of George's wittiest moments. Though it was spurned from one of his obsessive rants and plots for revenge, it does have a certain element of truth to it. We don't exactly see a master revenge scheme over a broken briefcase in our future, but the phrase could be applied elsewhere.
It could be used to describe a plot, but also the truth of a distinct matter. After all, there is that notion of the ugly or naked truth. The truth hurts, love stinks, and all other such references could be compared to the right using of this verse of the great Costanza.
I Guess I Just Have to Pick Myself Up, Dust Myself Off, and Throw Myself Right Back Down Again!
Now we're into some true words of wisdom from the legendary loser. This particular phrase is one rockband away from becoming a Chumbawumba cover, but it's still a piece of sage advice that we could all take a little inspiration from. Life is going to throw us some gnarly curves, and no one knows that better than George, even though he had a few coming.
We know the journey won't always be smooth sailing, but with the Costanza method, we don't have to tuck and roll, because we're not afraid to get our hands dirty. We may or may not be reading a little too deeply into this one, but it is certainly one that garners our attention.
The Shrinkage Speech
Not exactly the wisest words in his archives, but we can't help but give George a little credit for being so dedicated to this... detailed explanation in perhaps one of the most memorable quotes from the show. Anyone familiar with "The Hamptons" episode of Seinfeld knows it for mainly three things: the baby, the lobster, and shrinkage.
We're counting the shrinkage speech because of how graphic and almost medically detailed George gets to explain a certain shortcoming after being submerged in cold pool water. Perhaps just another shining example of the man's spinelessness, but a pretty impressive explanation to roll right off the cuff.
The Show About Nothing
And now we come to one of the most brilliant, but somewhat underrated quotes from George Costanza. It's a quote that resulted in the very message of the show, a show about nothing. The full quote from George is "I think I can sum up the show in one word for you, nothing" and it's surprisingly accurate.
It's not the fact that nothing happens in Seinfeld, but it is perhaps one of the most plausible of sitcoms. A show about a group of friends just living their lives in NYC is certainly nothing outlandish, but its the way that the show set the narratives ground in reality that makes it about "nothing."