Throughout nine seasons and 180 episodes of Seinfeld, the eccentric single New Yorkers at the heart of the show — Jerry, Elaine, George, and Kramer — got in and out of a number of romantic entanglements. One of the funniest running gags on the show was that the characters had ridiculous reasons for breaking up with the people they were seeing.
Given how petty and vindictive these four characters were, it was hardly surprising that the smallest inconvenience could cause them to cut ties with somebody. So, here are the 10 craziest reasons that Seinfeld characters had for breaking up with people.
Because She Wouldn’t Taste A Piece Of Pie
Jerry believes that the apple pie at Monk’s Café is the best apple pie in the city, so he takes one of his girlfriends there, orders a slice, and offers her a bite. She refuses to take a bite, but doesn’t give a reason, which baffles Jerry.
After spending a few days being perplexed by her refusal to try the pie, Jerry has decided that he can’t look past it and wants to break things off. Her father’s lack of hygiene getting his restaurant shut down provides Jerry with a convenient way out of the relationship.
Because He Was Nice To Jerry’s Parents
In the two-part episode “The Raincoats,” Elaine was dating a close-talker named Aaron, played by guest star Judge Reinhold. Aaron was unusually nice to Morty and Helen Seinfeld, who were visiting New York, and took them out to Broadway shows, invited them to dinner, and brought them on hansom cab rides through Central Park.
Elaine realized that she couldn’t get mad at him for being nice, but she also found his over-the-top kindness to be sickening. So, in the end, she broke up with him for being nice to the Seinfelds.
Because She Objected To “The Voice”
In “The Voice,” Jerry starts an inside joke with George and Kramer in which they personify his girlfriend’s stomach: “Hellooo.” It’s a really silly joke, but Jerry loves it.
In fact, he loves it so much that when his girlfriend finds out about it and tells him he has to choose between doing the voice and dating her, he chooses to keep doing the voice. Even worse, after making this decision, Jerry finds that George and Kramer have moved on and don’t enjoy doing the voice anymore.
Because Her Ex-Roommate Took The Velvet Couch
George Costanza has gone on record as saying he’d drape himself in velvet if it were socially acceptable. So, when he met a woman who had a velvet couch, he was head over heels in no time. But he felt threatened by her male roommate, who looked a lot like him, so he got rid of the roommate.
However, when the roommate moved out, he took a lot of stuff with him, including the velvet couch. That, combined with the pressure George felt after his girlfriend changed her whole life for him, caused him to end things.
Because He Shared His Name With A Serial Killer
When Elaine was dating a man who shared his name with notorious serial killer Joel Rifkin, her co-workers barbed her for it and she had a couple of public humiliations, like when his name was announced at a baseball game.
So, she asked him to change his name, and to be fair to him, he was open to it. After a long brainstorming session during which they vetoed all of each other’s suggestions, Elaine decided it would be easier to just break up with him.
Because She Liked A Cotton Dockers Commercial
Jerry and his girlfriend are sitting in his apartment and start talking about a cheesy commercial for cotton Dockers. While Jerry thinks the commercial is schlocky and cliché-ridden, his girlfriend thinks that the characters and their dialogue ring true. This leads to an argument, and she leaves the apartment.
Jerry tells George that she liked the Dockers commercial, then George inadvertently tells her, and she’s offended. In the end, the Dockers commercial becomes the downfall of the relationship.
Because He Was Balding
When Elaine started dating a man who shaved his head, she noticed that his hair was only growing back on the back and sides. There were no hairs growing on the top.
Kurt was horrified to discover that he was going bald, and then got sent to jail after he was mistaken for George. Realizing Kurt would be completely bald by the time he was out of the clink, Elaine broke up with him during a prison visit.
Because He Didn’t Use Exclamation Points
When Elaine was dating Jake Jarmel, an author whose latest book she was editing, he wrote down some phone messages for her. She was annoyed that he didn’t use an exclamation point to announce her friend having a baby, but Jake didn’t realize he was supposed to capture the tone of the message.
Elaine filled Jake’s manuscript with exclamation points, angering her boss, and ended up breaking up with him over his underuse of punctuation.
Because She Ate Peas Individually
This is the breakup that makes Jerry realize he’s petty when it comes to relationships. He’s out at dinner with a woman, and sees that she eats her peas one at a time. What’s even more confusing is that he saw her eat corn niblets, but she scooped them. It’s only peas that she eats individually.
So, he breaks up with her, much to the chagrin of George, who believes that he and Jerry made a pact that they were going to mature and get married.
Because He Was Bad At Breakups
In what is easily the pettiest reason for a Seinfeld character to dump someone, Elaine broke up with a guy because he wasn’t good at breaking up with people. She found out that his exes hated him because of how he ended things, so she broke up with him for being a bad breaker-upper.
In true Elaine fashion, she said, “I can’t be with someone that doesn’t break up nicely. I mean, to me, that’s one of the most important parts of a relationship.”