In a town as small as Schitt’s Creek, the dating pool is more like a dating bathtub. With little options and even less privacy, one has to wonder how love and romance can blossom in a locale where everyone knows everyone’s business and the oddest of characters reside.
However, if there’s one thing the Emmy-winning series has taught viewers, it’s that love, among other things, has the potential to thrive in the least likely of places. In honor of the most romantic month of the year, here's a deep dive into the dating profiles of the show's male ensemble of characters to see who would have the audience swiping left or right.
Jake
The great thing about Jake is that he goes through life without any worries, which also happens to be the worst thing about him. When he starts dating both David and Stevie simultaneously, things get complicated between the trio.
While it’s great that he’s comfortable with his sexuality, he just assumes that both parties are comfortable with the arrangement. Overall, Jake is quite oblivious when it comes to other people, and based on his nonchalant attitude, it’s easy to assume that he breaks hearts without even knowing it.
Emir
While he was only on a few episodes, Emir made a lasting impression and for all the wrong reasons. When the travel blogger caught the eye of Stevie, it was the happiest fans had ever seen the otherwise reserved hotel clerk and it seemed as if she might have finally met her match.
But when the seemingly sweet Emir breaks things off, he shows his true colors. Of course, no one should ever be in a relationship because they feel pressure but the way he’s so aloof about Stevie’s heartache is a major red flag.
Roland
While he’s a dedicated and loyal husband to Jocelyn, it’s hard to imagine that the Schitt’s Creek mayor would be a great date. For one, he overshares which makes for some epic doses of cringe whenever he opens his mouth.
He’s the very definition of “TMI”, has some questionable habits, and lacks self-awareness. In the end, though, Roland does have a big heart but he definitely makes for a better friend than a companion.
Mutt
He lives life on his own terms, which is great, but it doesn’t exactly make him the best partner material. Alexis found out the hard way when her crush on Mutt took a serious turn and the two began to date. It didn’t take long for the pair to go their separate ways and for fans, it didn’t come as a major surprise.
He’ll make great company on a cross-country road trip or a trusty companion on a hike, but in the long term, he’s just not dependable. Mutt is a free-spirit, who thrives off of being independent and unattached and there’s no denying that he’s better off solo.
Ray
Ray Butani is a true renaissance man. He’s a realtor, photographer, travel agent, and landlord, among other things. He does it all with a smile and a genuine sense of optimism which is a rare find in the dating pool.
However, between all his passions and entrepreneurial ventures, one has to wonder if Ray’s limited availability would pose a threat to his love life. Yes, it would be great to see him pursue a romantic relationship but only if he masters a work-life balance before or finds someone who can match his drive and is as industrious as he is.
Bob
Bob is a sensitive soul, his smile can light up a room and if it seems that he might be too good to be true, it’s because he is. After his beloved wife, Gwen abruptly leaves him, he’s left to pick up the pieces and start anew. His heart does belong to his spouse and one could see him having a difficult time trying to move past their separation.
The mechanic and garage owner deserves all the happiness in the world but needs a hefty amount of time to heal his wounds before putting his heart back on the market.
David
Underneath his designer clothes and extensive skincare regime, David’s heart is pure and beats to the rhythm of its own drum. He’s one of kind and when the going gets tough, he’s not afraid to turn sour lemons into sparkling, high-end, locally sourced lemonade.
Between remodeling The Blouse Barn and opening up Rose Apothecary, David is truly a visionary. Even though he’s high-maintenance he knows what he wants and isn’t about playing games or wasting time, which one has to appreciate in the digital age of dating.
Johnny
While we can’t picture him with anyone but Moira, one can’t help but acknowledge that Johnny Rose is 100% dating material. He has undeniable class, poise, and style and will go to the ends of the Earth to provide for his loved ones.
Like, his children, David and Alexis, Johnny is an entrepreneur and keeps his eye on the prize no matter what gets in the way. Sure, he’s not the best gift-giver but his heart is always in the right place and proves that it's always the thought that counts.
Patrick
If there’s one thing Schitt’s fans know, it’s that Patrick is the king of big romantic gestures. He melted hearts when he sang an original arrangement of Tina Turner’s classic "Simply the Best" and made everyone swoon when he proposed to David with not one but four of his signature sterling silver rings.
On paper, he’s perfect but he falls a little short in the honesty department (like when he failed to mention that he was once engaged), but it’s always done out of protection. With a touch more honesty, he has the potential to be the perfect catch.
Ted
He loves animals, is good with parents, and has a sense of adventure. Yes, Schitt’s Creek’s veterinarian, Ted, might just be the perfect companion. First of all, he loves Alexis for who she is and never attempts to change her. Secondly, he’s willing to do anything to make a relationship work, including doing long distance and traveling back and forth.
In the biggest selfless act of all, he tells Alexis to follow her dreams to New York even if that means the end of their future together. One can hope that in a hypothetical Creek universe that the pair is back together and making it work no matter their locale. Whether he’s in a relationship or not, Ted is the type of partner that everyone should strive for.