When the Rose family arrived in Schitt's Creek, a small town video magnate Johnny Rose bought for his son as a joke, they never knew how much their lives would change. Coming from a life of luxury and wealth claimed by the IRS, they assumed that living in a bumpkin town with no financial district, nightclubs, or designer boutiques would be worse than death.
Soon a family with next to no real life skills was forced to rely on what they knew something about; business acumen, brand marketing, and social media influence. They also had to acknowledge that not every local in Schitt's Creek was as stupid as they looked. Here's every major character in the popular comedy series ranked by their intelligence. After six years, the Canadian sitcom Schitt's Creek is in its final season on POPtv, CBS, and coming soon to Netflix.
ROLAND SCHITT
For someone who thinks that "it's okay, it's his sister" is an acceptable amendment to watching a man show an inordinate amount of affection towards a woman, Roland Schitt has surprisingly maintained his position as the mayor of Schitt's Creek the entire length of the series.
When he's not overseeing local politics (which is most of the time), he's the handyman at the Rosebud Motel, often making more work for Johnny Rose, not less. With his perpetual beer gut, mullet, and undershirts that constantly terrorize David, he's Johnny's hillbilly nemesis who delights in watching him suffer.
JOCELYN SCHITT
While both shaping young hearts and minds at Schitt's Creek High School and starring in a number of male students' fantasies, Jocelyn Schitt stills finds time to take care of her newborn baby with husband Roland. The "First Lady" of Schitt's Creek, she's been a Stage Four Clinger of the Roses since they moved to the town.
Jocelyn is a people pleaser and has made it her life's mission to ingratiate the Roses into Schitt's Creek whether they like it or not. Overbearingly positive, her spirited demeanor hides a dark temper and a nervous disposition. She hides behind giggles and noodle salad recipes until the truth it revealed.
MUTT SCHITT
As the eldest son of Roland and Jocelyn Schitt, the aptly named Mutt managed to cultivate a little more intelligence than his parents, though he did date Alexis in the first two seasons so that doesn't count highly in his intellectual favor. He met her while doing community service for partying a little too hard, things not advisable when your dad happens to also be the mayor.
He was drawn to Alexis despite her lack of common sense, and even though he lived in a converted barn, she was drawn to him for his body and his beard. When they didn't work out, he went after Tennessee, a woman whose hobbies included collecting pine cones.
ALEXIS ROSE
An air-headed socialite with a heart of gold, Alexis Rose is both accidentally sweet and imbecilic. Far too trusting for her own good, she often gets herself in difficult situations without having thought them through to conclusion, like dating wealthy drug lords or oil princes whose illegal activities implicate her in all sorts of high profile crimes.
When she gets community service, it's for entering a Prada store while still inside a moving vehicle, and she somehow still feels self-righteous about her situation. She often juggles multiple romantic partners at a time in a town the size of Disneyland, while talking mad gossip about anything and anyone at the Cafe Tropical.
TED MULLENS
Though typically thought of as a bit of an idiot for failing to realize that Alexis was stringing him along in Seasons 1-4, Ted Mullens knew what he was doing all along, and simply waited for Alexis to realize that he was the one for her. As the primary veterinarian in Schitt's Creek, Ted is kind, compassionate, and genuinely cares about his four-legged patients.
Of the couple, Ted is the more sensible and straight forward, often being the grounding rod for Alexis's more radical ideas. He is loyal to a fault, and it's almost impossible for him to stay mad at her even when she deserves it. He helps her realize love requires that sort of compromise and selflessness.
MOIRA ROSE
Moire Rose may be dramatic and theatrical, but there's something about her way with words that makes people pay attention. The soap opera star may have hit a bump on the road of her career by coming to Schitt's Creek, but she doesn't let it crush her spirit.
Seen in decadent couture outfits and a wide array of eye-catching wigs every day, she will never fit in with the bumpkin locals and she's fine with that. She has been the moral center for her little family since they arrived, and been a beacon of light in the darkness by taking parts in such prestige films as "The Crowening".
DAVID ROSE
For the neurotic fashionisto David Rose, arriving in Schitt's Creek might as well have been arriving in Hell. Despite his many phobias and anxieties, he pushed past being swallowed by the mediocrity around him and put his skills as a gifted designer and marketer to good use.
He became the brand manager for Blouse Barn, and parleyed his skill set there into opening Rose Apothecary with his partner in business and love, Patrick. It takes a great deal of attention to detail to make the sort of witty and observant remarks David does, even if he doesn't always follow his own advice.
STEVIE BUDD
Initially the receptionist and then the co-owner of the Rosebud Motel, Stevie Budd is a misanthropist with a dark sense of humor and a bone to pick with the world. Her exposure to the Rose family upon their arrival means that she's forced into a familial working relationship she didn't ask for, but grows to appreciate nonetheless.
Stevie is a straight shooter, and though she bonds with David Rose the most over their shared appreciation for sarcasm, she is able to often see social mechanics he misses. She's hard-working, candid, and loyal. As a born and raised Schitt's Creek local, she provides invaluable insight to the Roses as they provide a change of pace for her.
PATRICK BREWER
What began as a business partnership at Rose Apothecary soon turned to love when Patrick Bewer became David's boyfriend. His practical knowledge, work ethic, and business savvy is complementary to David's chaotic creative energy. David also helps him become comfortable with his sexuality and becoming a part of the community as more than just his boyfriend.
Of all the inhabitants of Schitt's Creek, Patrick might be the most "normal", but don't be fooled by his boyish looks and clean cut persona. He learns to let his eccentricity out to play, especially around those he cares about most, like demonstrating his guitar skills or signing up for a part in Moira's community theater project.
JOHNNY ROSE
As the former owner and CEO of Rose Video, America's largest chain of video rental stores, Johnny Rose once spent his money as fast as he earned it. His family was used to a lavish lifestyle before his business partner stole everything, forcing them to flee to a town he bought as a joke for his son.
Becoming the co-owner of the Rosebud Motel has been an adjustment for him and his family, but Johnny's easy going attitude and level-headed demeanor have made sure they stay grounded. It's his ability to think ahead, make predictions, and learn from his mistakes that have ensured his family will not only adapt and survive, but thrive.