Schitt's Creek is one of the best things to come out of Canadian television. The popular show tells the classic fish-out-of-water story of a once-rich family who is forced to give up their luxurious lifestyle and move to the only place they can afford; a small town the father bought as a joke. Over the years, the show has made us laugh, cry, and everything in between as we've watched the Rose family realize there's more to life than money. Each individual character has begun to develop into a more complex human being with feelings and less attachment to material things. It just takes a town of lovable simpletons to really drive the point home. And part of what has made the show so funny is the highly quotable lines each character delivers. From Alexis' constant exclamations of "Ew, David!" to Moira's ridiculous accent, there is always something memorable going on.
If there's one thing we can all agree on, it's that Schitt's Creek does one-liners right. Of course, it can be hard to narrow down the best ones in the show's history, so we've pulled a collection of some of the best ones uttered by a variety of characters over the years. Don't hurt yourself from laughing as you recall these hilarious moments.
Moira's Rejection of her Rose Garden
"As much as I would love to contribute to the population growth of this town by way of teen pregnancies, I must decline."
If there's one thing Johnny Rose excels at, it's building up his wife's already enormous ego. During season three, Johnny adds to the list by convincing the rest of the town to name a rose garden after Moira. However, Moira declines the offer when she finds out it's in a spot that is really popular with the teenagers for scandalous nighttime activities. Her reasoning is that there are many more prestigious buildings and landmarks named after her, and she doesn't need another one—especially not one that is known as a popular makeout spot for the youth.
Johnny's Jab at the Kennedys
"Oh Moira, we've stayed at the Kennedy compound. This [mattress] can't be any worse than that."
Part of the hilarious element of the show is the fact that the Roses are the biggest embodiments of "first world problems." In season two, episode four, "Estate Sale," Johnny and Moira are trying to come around to the idea of using a mattress that Roland has previously used. They had been in a bidding war against the Schitts for it at an estate sale, only to lose out due to lack of actual money to pay for it. However, Roland sells it to Johnny after deciding he doesn't like it. Johnny compares it to the awful time they stayed at the Kennedy compound to try to make Moira feel better about using it. However, Moira does call him out by reminding him that the Kennedys had daily laundry service while Roland is... well... Roland.
David Comments on Roland's Clothing Preferences
"There's a collection of undershirts hang-drying outside of my room. Is there any way they could be removed? Or is there like, a Texas Chainsaw movie being filmed out there that I'm not aware of?"
David is known for his dry humor and his scathing one-liners. He is also known for his extremely unique and high-street fashion sense. So, it's no secret that he's not really a fan of the type of clothing generally worn by the people living in Schitt's Creek. Especially Roland, who embodies the typical "redneck." In this particular quote, David is talking about Roland's undershirts hanging to dry at the motel. He is clearly offended by them and wondering how he is going to deal with having to see them this close.
Roland's Dinner Plate Comparison
"God, you're like a fancy dinner plate that you don't want to nudge off the edge of the table."
Roland is, of course, not used to the type of people that are the Rose family. He learns this firsthand when he takes David to help him buy Jocelyn outfits for their Devil Wears Prada role-playing activities. Despite David's attempts to help Roland find the least skanky outfits in the store, he becomes frustrated by the pushy saleswoman and is not happy having to spend the day with Roland in the first place. When dropping him off, Roland realizes that David is upset because Heart came on the radio and no one was singing the high parts. Then, he whips out this one-liner to describe how touchy David is. Even though David has no idea what it means, we still think it's hilarious.
That Time Ted Tried to Relate to Alexis
Ted: "It's just a quick needle, Alexis. Think of it like getting Botox."
Alexis: "Ew, Ted! What am I, 32?"
As we know, in the last season, Alexis made some big strides to try to be a better girlfriend to Ted. That includes agreeing to go to the Galapagos with him for six months so he can research sea turtles. But when she finds out that she has to get some vaccinations before heading out there, she's less than excited about it. Ted, ever the nice guy, tries to pick something to compare it to that he thinks she can relate to. Turns out, Botox isn't the right comparison here.
Stevie's Realization That Her Car Cost Less Than David's Pants
Stevie: "My car's worth less than your pants."
David: "Well, I've seen your car, and that makes sense to me."
David and Stevie have one of those friendships in which each person is open to just say whatever they really feel. And when it comes to pointing out David's spoiled rich kid instincts, Stevie is pretty much a pro. She is never afraid to call him out and give him a reality check. In this particular moment, Stevie finds out that David owns a pair of pants that he bought on sale for $850. So, she has a point here. However, at this particular moment, David decided to throw his own reality check back in her face. Ah, besties.
Patrick's Relationship Advice
"David, you have to stop watching Notting Hill. It's not helpful for our relationship."
Patrick is consistently putting up with David's dramatic moments. While Patrick truly does love David for who he really is, he also knows that David doesn't really tend to live in the most realistic world. It's always Patrick that has to bring him back to reality. So, the fact that David is apparently constantly comparing their relationship to Notting Hill doesn't really surprise anyone. In fact, it sounds exactly like something David would do regularly and then expect Patrick to follow up on with grand romantic gestures.
Moira's Animal Comparisons
"David, stop acting like a disgruntled pelican."
Moira is really not afraid to call out her own children when they are being ridiculous—well, in her opinion. In the show's third season, David had a one night stand with a man named Jake. He doesn't think anyone's home, so when Moira bursts into his room to look for her portfolio and Jake comes out of the shower, David enters panic mode. He turns back and forth asking why Moira is home, begins to stammer, and basically all-around freaks out. So, Moira bluntly tells him to stop acting like a disgruntled pelican, and it's pretty glorious.
When David Called Out His Parents' Morning Activities
"Shame on you for attempting that position at 8 o'clock in the morning."
This is a classic moment in Schitt's Creek history. David walks in on Johnny and Moira in an early morning intimate moment. Naturally, David is traumatized. Alexis is basically second-hand traumatized hearing about what just happened. Then, Johnny, being who he is, tries to smooth things over by explaining that people can still have sexual relations in their middle ages, making things even more awkward. For some unfortunate souls out there, this may be all too real, and we are so sorry to hear that.
Roland's Intolerance of Moira
"You're just a stuck up pencil skirt with clown makeup and a janitor's mop on your head!"
Moira can be a little triggering for some people since she tends to be very unapologetically blunt. Sometimes, she can lead people to hit their breaking point. In the beginning, when the Rose family first arrives in town, it's particularly hard for the townspeople to get used to this type of behavior. So, Roland has been the victim of this type of annoyance just like anyone else. Of course, Roland also had to get a dig in here about Moira's signature wigs, too.