Popularized by Bram Stoker's 1897 novel Dracula, vampires have been a cornerstone of the horror genre. The lasting impact vampires have on popular culture cannot be denied, but that doesn't mean that every vampire imagined is worth the time it would take to watch their movies.
Some are genuinely terrifying additions to the vampire canon, but others... we could really do without. From Nosferatu to Dracula to Abraham Lincoln, here are ten of Hollywood's scariest—and silliest—vampires.
Most Ridiculous: Adam, Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter
You wouldn’t think that the antagonist of a movie called Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter could possibly be dull, but it is. It’s possible something got lost in the transition from book to movie, but the finished product just didn't have any of the thrill or drama that vampires are supposed to bring.
This isn’t meant as a dig at the actors, who did the best they could with what they had—it just wasn’t an interesting, well done, or unique take on the vampire genre, and that led to weak, unremarkable vampire characters like Adam, who didn’t even earn a canonical last name.
Scariest: Claudia, Interview With A Vampire
While Anne Rice has made a name for herself with her active hatred for fan participation in her work, the woman does know how to write a terrifying vampire. Little kids are almost always scary in horror movies, and little kid vampires are even scarier.
Claudia, permanently stuck in her 10-year-old body even as her mind grows, has some rage issues, and she delights in playing on human women’s maternal instincts by pretending to be a lost little girl. She then doesn’t just feed on them; she absolutely destroys her victims and has a great time doing it. The juxtaposition of "sweet young child" next to "ravenous monster" is extremely jarring and extra chilling.
Most Ridiculous: Dracula, Van Helsing
Count Dracula has been portrayed more times than anyone cares to count, and each version of the character brings something new to the table for Dracula canon. However, in Van Helsing, all Dracula offers is an argument against why every Victorian novel can’t and shouldn’t exist in the same movie—no matter how much fun Universal had in its shared "Dark Universe." Because he wants to “bring life” to his undead hordes, Dracula enlists Dr. Frankenstein to create Frankenstein’s monster, but Dracula kills the doctor after the creation comes to life, which sends the creature into hiding.
After Van Helsing fights the clump of CGI known as Mr. Hyde, he’s sent to kill Dracula, who also has werewolves under his command for no real discernable reason. Van Helsing is eventually able to kill Dracula, but only after being turned into a werewolf himself, as a werewolf is the only thing that can kill him...which makes the fact that Dracula had werewolves around at all even more confusing. Pretty much none of this logic is explained, and, in the movie’s hurry to include as many references to classic novels and horror movies as possible, they forgot to string together a coherent plot.
Scariest: David Powers, The Lost Boys
The idea of vampires as cool, aloof badasses was partially codified by David Powers from The Lost Boys. He becomes increasingly obsessed with turning the protagonist into a vampire, even after he kills the rest of David’s gang. It amps up the temptation, the charm, and the gravitas that are now almost expected from vampire characters, but, unlike many contemporary attempts, David Powers actually pulls it off. It’s no easy task to intentionally seem unintentionally cool, but young Keifer Sutherland manages it, and he doesn’t even let the goofy 1980s hairstyles get in his way.
Most Ridiculous: The Cullens, Twilight
We can’t have a “most ridiculous vampires” list without giving an honorable mention to the family of sparkling, day-walking, "vegetarian" vampires. While it’s not an original thought by any means, Twilight does get a bit of credit for her approach to the vampiric abilities: most of the Cullens have a special ability that reflects an ability they had in life.
That quirk doesn't make up for the Cullens' actually being vampires getting downplayed, though, and, with both the book and the movie are apathetic to vampire lore, it becomes incidental to the story that’s ostensibly about vampires. Instead of being remotely frightening or in line with the rest of vampire canon, the Twilight vampires end up being creepy and questionable for all the wrong reasons. If anything, they give other vampires a bad name.
Scariest: Dracula, Dracula (1931)
Dracula may have come out almost a decade after Nosferatu, but Dracula had a far longer-lasting impact on both the vampire genre and popular culture. Because the movie sticks so close to the source, it cemented what ‘being a vampire’ meant and continues to shape the conversation about vampires and their origins.
This Count Dracula also manages to actually be scary—not all versions of the Count are—and the movie doesn’t try to water down his horror, either. The rest of the movie may not hold up to modern scrutiny, but the character and the performance certainly do.
Most Ridiculous: Dracula, Deafula
Before explaining why this movie is ridiculous, it should be pointed out that Deafula was actually the very first feature-length film done entirely in American Sign Language, which is an important achievement... that should have been saved for something better.
Supernatural creatures of all kinds can and should be examined from the angle of the disenfranchised members of society. If the movie was trying to make a point by saying even Deaf people can be vampires, or by using vampirism as an analogy in some way for society's treatment of "different" people, that would be one thing. Instead, Deafula portrays Deaf people as literally inhuman. The Deaf community already struggles with any representation whatsoever, and to debase the real issues and experiences of Deaf people is beyond ridiculous. It’s actively damaging, and Deaf people deserve better.
Scariest: Max Shreck, Shadow Of The Vampire
In a multi-level nod to the horror genre, Shadow Of The Vampire’s central premise is based on a fan theory that Max Shreck, the real-life actor who played the Count in 1922’s silent film Nosferatu, was actually a real vampire in real life. People really believed this based on how very terrifying the performance was for the time.
Shadow is a fictionalized pseudo-documentary about Nosferatu, where Max Shreck, now an actual vampire, argues with the director about the creative vision and eats the screenwriter before the script was done, while still bringing Willem Defoe’s physical spookiness and stiffness to the Count found in the actual Nosferatu.
Most Ridiculous: Any Vampire In The Movie (Seriously), Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter
Parody or not, this is hands-down the most ridiculous vampire movie of all time. Jesus Christ himself does, in fact, hunt vampires, after he’s called to Ottowa, Canada, to protect the lesbians that vampires want to kill. The vampires are targeting lesbians so they can skin them, as lesbians have “virgin skin” that won’t burn in the daylight. (Yes, really.)
Once in Canada, Jesus teams up with a masked Mexican wrestler who ends up falling in love with one of the vampires they’re supposed to kill Jesus then cures the vampire... of both her vampirism and her lesbianism. As if that weren't awful enough, the film credits ten different actresses as "dead lesbian," which is the icing on the horrible, horrible cake.
Scariest: Jerry Dandridge, Fright Night (1985)
By far, the scariest thing about this vampire—and the reason he tops this list—is the fact that he doesn’t seem like a vampire. He doesn’t even seem like an especially creepy human being. Jerry could be in any suburb in America since he believably charms his way around suspicion. This is frightening on the human and on the supernatural levels since it becomes increasingly transparent that his interest in the young protagonists is very, very untoward.
It also isn't bound by gender or age, making everyone a potential victim. This is underscored by the fact that, when he threatens something, he follows through. Yet, even as he does horrible things, he’s trying to tempt the protagonist into becoming a vampire by offering understanding and protection. It’s a very believable pattern of abuse made all the more terrifying thanks to the supernatural twist.