Unquotable Kimmy Schmidt: 10 Most Savage Kimmy Schmidt Lines

Anyone who turned on the brand-new Netflix show, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, in 2015 had no idea what they were getting themselves into. Fans may have recognized the headliner, Ellie Kemper, from The Office and switched on the show expecting the same kind quirky humor. While there are sprinkles of relatable cringey-ness, Kimmy Schmidt is a character that no-one could have prepared for.

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Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt is the story of a molewoman who had been abducted by a preacher and locked in a bunker for 15 years. While it sounds like a tragedy, the show is built upon ludicrous notions and events that make the show unprecedently hilarious. Kimmy is naive to most social and real-life circumstances, so she often makes inappropriate comments in sensitive situations. To get a taste of what the show is like, here are 10 of the most savage lines from Kimmy Schmidt.

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10 "Gay hasn't even gotten to Indiana yet. There are rumors about Ohio."

Kimmy was rescued from her doomsday bunker prison (presumably) in 2015 when the show first aired. She was stuck underground for fifteen years, meaning she was taken around 2000. At this time, notions like homosexuality were not as widely accepted like they are today.

This puts Kimmy in an old-fashioned mindset and so she says things that are generally offensive to today’s crowd. In this line, she expresses that "gay" hasn’t reached their state yet, indicating that sexual orientation is a spreading epidemic. Kimmy’s naivety is a way of poking fun at the dogmatic mindset of the early 2000s.

9 "All burps smell bad. They're the farts of the face."

In this episode, Kimmy meets Andrea Bayden. Andrea is played by Tina Fey, who is one of the creators of the show. Her character is an uncontrollable alcoholic who Kimmy become enamored with.

Andrea has convinced Kimmy to stop suppressing her emotions, which opens a whole new realm of unpredictability coming from Kimmy. In their intellectual conversations, Kimmy lays down this astute observation that actually kind of makes sense.

8 "The monkey was a woman. Women can be anything these days."

In the season one episode, “Kimmy Goes On A Date,” Kimmy has to explain why she doesn’t have a cell phone. Apparently while at the zoo, a monkey stole her phone.

Then, unprompted, she goes on to say the monkey was a woman, and makes note of the fact that women can be anything they want to be since her time in the bunker...even a monkey.

7 "It's Not Your Fault That Boys Don't Learn How To Cook.”

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt is celebrated for its subtle hints of feminism. In this scene, Kimmy is visiting her former bunkmate, Gretchen, who is making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for her new husband. As Kimmy learns the ways of modern society, she becomes a force to be reckoned with if anyone tries to derail progressive ideologies.

This quote is a vicious joke directed towards the notion that women belong in the kitchen. She tells her friend that it's not her fault that her husband never learned to make something as simple as a sandwich.

6 "Fudge it to heck!"

Because she was abducted at a young age, Kimmy has the mindset of an adolescent. Despite the fact that she is about thirty years old, Kimmy feels silly using derogatory terms. Instead, she chooses to censor herself and says things like, “Fudge it to heck” which is more suitable to her character.

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So if you’re ever in a situation where using disparaging words is inappropriate, try using “Fudge it to heck” instead. It’s definitely more intimidating than it sounds.

5 "Hey, Xan, 2090 called. You're dead and you wasted your time on earth."

Kimmy makes friends with an arrogant and affluent woman named Jacqueline White. Jacqueline’s bratty teenaged daughter, Xan, is not a fan of Kimmy and isn’t afraid to let her know.

She constantly pokes fun at Kimmy’s childlike behavior and her outdated style. She even goes as far to make fun of Kimmy’s clothes saying, “1996 called, they want their clothes back.” Kimmy’s retort was far more brutal.

4 “I hear he’s almost a millionaire"

This season four quip happens during the episode “Sliding Van Doors.” This episode follows Kimmy, Titus, and Jacqueline through an alternate reality. In this world, Kimmy is never in the bunker and Jacqueline isn’t rich. In order to boost her spirits, Kimmy tries to convince her friend to sleep with the rich man on their plane.

This famous (and familiar) rich man is not actually the president in this universe. Instead, he’s still a major real estate developer who boasts about making tall buildings. Kimmy tries to persuade her friend to sleep with him by saying that he’s “almost a millionaire,” a blatant and snide jab at the theory that this man isn’t as rich as he claims to be. Savage!

3 "I’m blowing up like a Rick Moranis baby"

Rick Moranis is that actor that plays the dad in the famous kid's movie series, Honey I Shrunk the Kids. In 1992, a sequel to the film came out called Honey, I Blew Up the Kid.

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This line from Kimmy is a subtle jab that not many would pick up on unless they’re privy to who Rick Moranis is. But once you get it, it’s a hilariously savage line.

2 “I’m gonna make waffles outta him”

Kimmy is generally a kind-hearted person that doesn’t have a crude bone in her body. However, after spending years isolated in a bunker, Kimmy is quickly learning to stand up for herself and she does it with atypical confrontation.

Lines like “I’m gonna make waffles out of him” sound intimidating—if anyone knew what it meant outside of Durnsville, Indiana. There, however, it's an absolutely devastating threat.

1 1."Woman Can Be Anything except President or Late Night Hosts"

Despite Kimmy’s past conjecture, she is baffled when she sees a woman reverend when she attends church. Again, her mentality is still a little behind on the times, so she struggles with modern notions. She makes this observation in "Kimmy Goes to Church" which came on the air in 2017.

She reasons by remembering that women can be anything—except president or late night hosts. Obviously, even though Kimmy had been stuck in a bunker for a decade and a half, she's still very aware of current political and social issues.

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