Riverdale has a knack for musical episodes and season 3, episode 16 brought viewers a Heathers-themed musical episode. The teens of Riverdale High put on a high school production of Heathers: The Musical in the episode "Chapter 51: Big Fun." Unlike the Carrie-themed episode, audiences received even more angsty numbers and more dramatic plot revelations, all within the standard 42-minute runtime.
With performances from Jughead, Toni, Cheryl, and the rest of the beloved Riverdale gang, here are all the numbers from the Heathers musical episode, ranked.
"Big Fun"
As the name of the episode, one would think this one would knock it out of the park. However, this number barely made it to the outfield. "Big Fun" is one of those songs you'd find in a child-based production - the lyrics are cheesy and the melody sounds premature.
At one point, they start singing what almost sounds like the final number in Grease! For a musical as dark as Heathers and a show as paranormal as Riverdale, a number talking about having fun and over-rhyming doesn't seem like it belongs in the set.
"Dead Girl Walking"
"Dead Girl Walking" is the angsty anthem audiences didn't know it needed, but it comes with an odd catch. After Cheryl basically kicks Toni out of Riverdale High, Toni exacts her friend's revenge through song ... and what seems to be a potential threesome?
As she's singing her revenge, she also pulls a man and a woman into her performance, and then the two strangers end up taking off some of their clothes near the end of the song. Once that happens, Toni takes back everything she's done and sang. While the song is a great release for Toni, her almost betraying Cheryl is what makes this number almost last on the list.
"Our Love Is God"
If the performance of "Last Man Walking" was weird, things got weirder with "Our Love is God." There are rumors going around Riverdale High of a cult called The Farm infiltrating the town. Known to everyone as an organization, The Farm is the reason the Heathers musical is happening at Riverdale - they're funding the school play. Throughout the episode, Betty suspects that The Farm is appropriating their cult-like behaviors onto the cast, and in this number, those suspicions reign true.
In the number, Betty sees Kevin and what seems to be a Dylan O'Brien look-alike involved in a passionate embrace, singing to each other. At one point, they share a kiss, almost as if they're at a wedding, and the person officiating it is Evelyn, the co-director and member of The Farm. Either it's a wedding or a cult initiation that involves kissing as part of their ritual. Whatever it is, it's definitely abnormal.
"Fight For Me"
With the revelation of a cult comes a sweet reveal of a budding romance: Archie and Josie. In the number "Fight For Me," audiences get to see the commitment of two lovebirds. This song is a nice duet and a breath of fresh air from all the cult happenings and the drama of the rest of the cast.
This song is one giant metaphor - two lovers fighting for each other while singing in a boxing ring - how cute! It's a wonderful song of devotion, one that could be put on repeat.
"Lifeboat"
This one's a short one, but a good one. Camila Mendes wears heartbreak well while singing "Lifeboat," as Veronica comes to terms with another shocking revelation in this episode - her parents are splitting up.
Sung under a single spotlight on a blue stage, this number goes perfectly with where Veronica is at in the point of the episode. She feels lonely, she's searching for a lifeboat for the people she knows, and if only both her parents could be in it.
"Candy Store"
The second song in the episode turns into an all-out catfight between Cheryl and Toni with "Candy Store." The two battle out their romantic frustrations through this number with Toni's killer dance moves versus Cheryl's powerful vocals.
In all seriousness, this song is perfect for Cheryl and it fits her character well. They take it a step up by using props this time in the number, adding a bit of flair to the already outgoing song. Lastly, Cheryl yelling "Shut up, Toni!" while they dance battle it out is something no one can ever forget.
"Beautiful"
The members of Riverdale High come together to perform "Beautiful" and that's exactly what their voices sound like when paired together. Put Kevin's stellar vibrato into the mix and audiences get a dynamic vocal range and no flat notes anywhere!
"Beautiful" is the first song of the episode and it's a great choice to show the audience how the rest of the episode is going to play out.
"Seventeen"
This musical number brought the unification of all the cast members and it ends on a touching note. It's a song of hope and of longing for a better world. There are no flashy dance moves and no crazy light changes. It's just all the favorites from Riverdale singing in a line to their fellow loved ones of how they can make Riverdale a better place.
Unfortunately, though, it ends on an eerie note with the leader of The Farm and the rest of the cult members slowly clapping. Let's just say it's a better ending than the last musical episode.
"Seventeen (Reprise)"
Out of all the numbers in the Heathers episode, "Seventeen (Reprise)" brings out the best duets the show has aired, and it's in this number fans hear the wonderful voice of Cole Sprouse (Jughead Jones).
The audience watches as Betty and Jughead sing to each other with support and reassurance about how all they want to do is be with each other and just act their age without worrying about the town's troubles and their families. The next best part is Toni and Cheryl's getting back together scene! If only fans could watch these four sing together forever.