The dark side gets a bad rap. It’s right there in the name: dark side, like there’s something wrong with being a little angsty and firing lightning out of your fingertips. Don’t believe everything you read or see when it comes to the dark side of the Force; it’s not nearly as bad as all those stuffy Jedi try to portray it. Ever wanted to have a relationship, or learn to choke people from across the room? Have you been wanting to ditch the sand-colored robes for a slimming black? Or maybe you just hate the thought of all those rules that seem custom-designed to suck all the joy out of having Force powers.
Good news! The dark side is great! Don’t believe me? Still convinced that you’re joining the bad guys? Well, here are twelve great, totally true, not-at-all-manipulated reasons you really should just join the dark side already. No matter where you find yourself in the galaxy, no matter the time period or what Star Wars may be going on, Dark Jedi will always be having more fun. Mostly because…
12. You Get All the Cool Powers
Here’s a tough decision: would you rather have zappy lightning hands, or super-duper meditation powers. Pretty easy call, right?
Just stack up a list of light force powers against those of the maligned dark side, and you might notice a teeny-tiny bit of a difference. Namely that one side has all the cool powers. Jedi can jump super high, perform petty mind tricks and come back as a ghost if they’re stupid enough to get themselves killed.
Join the dark side and you’ll be so powerful you don’t even have to worry about getting killed, honest, no lie, for reals. You’ve got Force lightning, the greatest and most flashy power of all. Torture anything you want out of anyone you want, zap your enemies into painful submission or just fry an underling who’s slipped up one too many times. The uses are endless, but all of them are visually more impressive than anything a Jedi can cook up.
Meanwhile, why bother manipulating a person’s mind into getting what you want, when you can reach right down into the core of their being and cause them intense fear and terror? Why lift objects with telekinesis when you can simply crush them with a flick of the wrist? And don’t even get us started on the master-level stuff that can rip open wormholes at a whim.
11. Hook Up With Whoever You Want
Alright, so you’re still drifting towards the Jedi way of doing things. Maybe you’re an animal-lover; whatever.
Hope you’re okay with never having a relationship ever. That’s right: Jedi don’t allow you to hook up with anyone, which you might notice is a denial of basic human biology. Also alien biology, probably. Love transcends all those species boundaries, and yet the Jedi have tried to stomp out this natural trait for millennia in favor of its entire order being a bunch of platonic stiffs.
Why? Because they don’t want you to be happy and content, obviously. The Jedi want you to be a mindless drone with no attachments, so you might be happy to learn that the dark side is totally cool with all emotions and attachments. Emotions make you strong, and what’s stronger that what you’re willing to do for love? It’s like the ultimate power source, albeit one that’ll make you do anything including slaughtering a room full of younglings but hey, power, am I right? Power is awesome!
There’s no sense in denying yourself something you really want. That’s what the dark side is all about: getting what you want in the shortest amount of time whether that’s a fulfilling relationship, the painful death of your former master or galaxy-wide domination. It’s not just relationships. The Dark Side is about following your dreams.
10. A Name People Respect
Jedi get no respect.
Okay, that’s not completely true, but they don’t get the amount of respect that they deserve. They’re often hailed as wise peacekeepers, but that never got anyone a gold statue of themselves and the utter thrall of an entire planet. Maybe a free drink that you have to refuse because you’re a Jedi and thus totally boring, but that’s about it.
Meanwhile, Dark Jedi get all the cool titles to run away from very fast. If you’re fortunate enough to find yourself as a member of the Sith Order, you can get yourself an appropriate ‘Darth’ title that you can guarantee is more fear-inducing than the name your mother gave you. Sure, all the Darth titles sound just a tad on the pure evil side – Sidious probably never spent many lonely nights wondering if he was the bad guy – but at least it tells everyone what side you’re on. No more flip flopping between doing the bidding of the Jedi order, frying that one guy with lightning and waking up in a cold sweat, racked with guilt. Your name is Darth *insert scary title*. That’s true peace of mind.
Even non-Sith Dark Jedi tend to have better titles that demand respect. Let’s be honest: are you going to be more afraid of ‘Asaaj Ventress’ or ‘Yarael Poof’?
9. No Age Limits, No Discrimination
The Jedi Order have pretty strict age limits for who gets to join their cult, and that limit is set extremely low; children as young as two are taken from their families to be trained, while the cutoff sits at about four.
That’s right: four years old. These wise Jedi snatch kids from their families before they can even form significant attachments, then brainwash them into the Order’s way of thinking. Which, by the way, DOES involve attachment… to the Order. If you don’t think that’s shifty, then perhaps you need to learn about the dark side way of doing things, which is that we accept all comers. Whether you’re two years old and handling your very first lightsaber, or a fully-grown Jedi Knight with some emotional issues, it’s an all-inclusive program. The Dark Side doesn’t discriminate.
It’s also pretty easy to learn, since we focus on giving in to the power of the Force rather than spending arduous hours learning control. Control is definitely overrated and takes way too long, plus this way the dark side doesn’t even discriminate based on ability. Just feel the power and let it guide you. Or you can sign your offspring up for a kid-brainwashing cult.
8. Never Worry About Your Wardrobe
If you’re a fan of color… the Jedi Order is not for you. Whose idea was a uniform consisting of sand-colored tunics and brown robes? Possibly the two worst colors, and should you join the Jedi Order, that’s your life. If your skin tone- of which there are many throughout the galaxy- doesn’t suit brown, you’re screwed.
You know what goes with everything? Black. And unsurprisingly, joining the Dark Side means you get to wear a whole lot of it. It’s slimming, it’s simple and you need never worry about your wardrobe choices ever again. What are you wearing today? It’s black. You’re always wearing black. You wore it yesterday, you’re wearing it today and no thought needs to be given to tomorrow, because you already know exactly what’s coming (it’s more black). Plus, it looks just fantastic with those yellow eyes you’ll be developing.
That’s not to say there’s some rubbish-looking uniform for all Dark Jedi; you can wear more or less whatever you like, so long as it’s either black or occasionally a very dark grey. Robes, tunics, mechanical suits…and then there are the helmets. You don’t even need a reason to wear a scary helmet with a creepy voice distortion effect. No one’s going to call you out on it, because you’re a terrifying figure wreathed in black with probable anger-management issues and a penchant for whipping out your laser sword at a moment’s notice. And if all else fails and you wake up with the worst hair day…that’s what your ominous hooded cloak is for.
7. You Get to Make Your Own Rules
We’ve already touched on this, but let’s just tackle it head on: Jedi are the worst. Sure, everybody loves them, but that’s purely down to some great PR and the fact that peace is totally overrated. Join the Jedi yourself and you’ll quickly learn that they’re bunch of stuffy, overly-righteous do-gooders who are intent on banning you from doing anything that may be considered fun. And when you’re part of a very select few in the galaxy blessed with supernatural powers, why shouldn’t you be able to use them your own way?
That’s what the dark side is for. Sure, the Sith might have a rule or two, maybe even a rule OF two, but the dark side in general embraces doing whatever the heck you want. Don’t even bother keeping your emotions in check, because that’s what’ll be fueling your incredible power. See, the Jedi are so incredibly stuffy that they even put limitations on what you feel, from love all the way to frustration over your fast food order being wrong. Dark Jedi do what they want, when they want, and they have the power to back it up. If you feel you deserve that extra chicken McNugget, there won’t be a stern guy in robes frowning at you for pulling out your lightsaber and threatening the cook. It’s a choice between the path of righteousness…and the path that rocks.
6. It’s Good to be Bad
Alright, you got us. Your wisdom and discernment are too great, and you’ve figured out that just maybe the dark side of the Force flirts with the edges of being a little bit evil. Somewhat evil. Very evil, even.
Now, that shouldn’t be enough to dampen the rest of the awesome benefits of the dark side, but we can see how it might put you off. So we’re here to ask you…why is being bad so bad, when being bad is so much fun?
You don’t have to be pure, baby-killing evil. We reserve the killing of the younglings for our specially messed-up cases with severe parental issues, so what’ll probably more likely happen for you is that you’ll get a bit angrier than usual and feel an urge to use more drastic measures to get what you want. People might find it a bit disturbing that your eyes are turning yellow, your lightsaber is now red and violence become a first resort, but you deserve to let go a bit and have some fun. You’re a Dark Jedi and thus a cut above most of the galaxy’s denizens, so it’s your right to be a bit angsty and start choking people who don’t meet your high standards. Because here on the dark side, that’s really all we’re about: higher standards. And people have the audacity to say that’s a bad thing.
5. Raw Power Just Waiting to be Grasped
This part is a harder to argue with, because it’s just so obvious, but the dark side is a path to power. Plain and simple, Dark Jedi can do things that other Jedi can’t (more on that later), but more importantly they can do them more easily.
Once you’ve stumbled your way through the Jedi’s rules, you have years and years of learning to suppress your emotions, after which you can get to mastering whatever pithy little skills the Jedi have confined themselves to. The dark side? All instinctual, a churning mass of raw power that practically throws itself on whoever wants to learn.
That’s not to say that there’s no learning- our glorious Lord Sidious didn’t learn to overcome Jedi Masters and incinerate his enemies overnight- but we can guarantee that the path to power is a lot smoother and easier than that of the light. Why, most of our satisfied customers learned to use dark side abilities by accident in a moment of heightened emotion. You don’t need to strive to be a dark side user, nor be especially talented. Just let go, give in to your hate, let it flow through you and…bam. Lightning hands, all yours. Or you can spend years meditating. Your choice.
4. It’s Great for Introverts
Being a Jedi involves a whole lot of social events. You’re constantly being sent as an ambassador to far-flung worlds, spending most of your time either under the watchful eye of a master or having to be a master to some young upstart. It’s just diplomacy, day in and day out, without a moment’s peace or even a holiday. Sounds like a massive drag for all you introverts, right?
Chances are you’re drawn to the dark side because you don’t play well with others and you like your brooding time, which makes it exactly the right choice for you. We can offer you plenty of unsupervised work, sometimes for days, weeks and months on end as you get sent to the far reaches of the universe on secret missions. Or, if you’re truly the lone wolf type, there’s no need to answer to anyone. Sith might feel the need to check in with their gang every now and then, but a completely AWOL Dark Jedi has no ties to anything or anyone. If you really need your alone time, then you’re totally free to find the cave of your dreams and use it to spend your days mulling over how everything bad that’s ever happened to you is someone else’s fault, and one day you’ll have your glorious revenge. The dark side: because there’s nothing wrong with a bit of healthy ‘me’ time.
3. It’s a Pathway to Many Abilities Some Consider to be Unnatural
So let’s say you’re completely bogged down in the Jedi way of doing things. You’ve been told that the dark side is pure evil, everyone who follows it is a huge jerk and our glorious leader Lord Sidious isn’t as great as you think. You probably think you’re making the galaxy a better place by staying on the side of the ‘light’.
In that case… did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise? It’s a Sith Legend, probably not something the Jedi would tell you. Anyway, long and short of it, he was crazy powerful and had access to certain powers that you could never learn from a Jedi. Because, you see, the dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities… abilities some consider to be unnatural.
Oh, it’s possible to learn these powers, but not if you dogmatically stick to the light. Save your loved ones from death! Make babies, if that’s your thing! Imagine having the ability to manipulate midichlorians to create life. That’s right: you could hold the power of life and death in your hands. Never again fear for the lives of your loved ones, because with enough knowledge of the dark side, you can keep them from dying. Does that sound ‘dark’ to you?
2. You Always Have the Option of Switching
Let’s assume by this point that you’re totally convinced and have signed up for our twelve-step dark side initiation program. That’s great, and you’re well on your way to becoming the powerful master of the Force that you were always meant to be!
But you have doubts. It happens to the best of us, and that goes double if you look in the mirror one day and you see your skin turning a pallid white. You’re in constant trouble with the landlord because of your dark side rage sessions tearing up your apartment, and you haven’t quite got to the point where you consider a quick Force strangling the best method of getting rid of all your problems. Plus you’ve heard that being a Force Ghost can actually come in really handy, and generally (though not always) that’s a light-side privilege.
No problems! Turns out the almighty living Force is a fickle judge when it comes to death and the afterlife. Sure, if you die as a Dark Jedi you don’t have much of a chance, but before death? One good deed can swing everything right back your way. It has to be something pretty big, but that’s a win-win; you get to die a hero, and your spirit is instantly converted back to the light so you can party it up with anyone you like as a Force Ghost. Last-minute switches are totally possible, for all those folks feeling like spending eternity in the Jedi equivalent of Hell isn’t really for them.
1. Meet New and Interesting People
So you’re a Dark Jedi, and congratulations on making it this far! No doubt you now feel a power flowing through you that surpasses all others, convincing you that this was the right path.
There’s no real obligation to stick yourself to any path, creed or organisation as a Dark Jedi, although there are many to choose from. Feel free to go off on that secluded cave trip if you feel like you need a bit of time, but otherwise, you can get to meeting some interesting new people. Back when you were a boring, regular Jedi, there was all of one (terrible) organisation for you to join; now you’ve got a bit of choice. The Sith are always a safe option, if you can find wherever they’ve holed themselves up at whichever time in the Galaxy in which you live. There may even be a war going on, and those are always fun.
There’s the Inquisitors, if you’re lucky enough to live under the glorious and benevolent rule of the Galactic Empire. Emperor Palpatine can always use talented Force-users in his ranks, and you even get a spinny-spinny lightsaber, if that’s your thing. There are the Prophets of the Dark Side (fingers in all the pies), the Nightsisters (or brothers), the Bando Gora (BYO creepy mask) or more recently, the Knights of Ren. This is really the very definition of being spoilt for choice.
The perks of the dark side of the Force are many. Got any more? Let us know in the comments!
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