Well here we are again, up and running with a new season of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills storylines AKA, dedicating an entire season to even the slightest of slights: "You spoke ill of my dog’s coronation gown," "My Waldorf salad was plated in a frowny face," or "Your jacuzzi launch party used my sisters bubble bath formula - you know my sister is my nemesis." Compared to other housewives franchises, Beverly Hills has very little meat on the bone - oh the irony. However, it seems that Sutton Stracke coming to The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills could be the the shakeup that the show needed.
Enter Sutton Stracke, a Georgia peach by way of Hades, here to tell you just how it is. Originally from Augusta, Georgia, (take that, Erika Jayne), Stracke moved to New York City in her twenties before eventually landing in Beverly Hills and cementing herself in the socialite scene. ‘Cementing’ is when you pour so much dense shade at someone their bones freeze. By episode three, Sutton has already established herself as the B in Penthouse 23, with her "I thought you would be boring" introductory shade at fellow castmate Teddi (she’s not wrong). In any other franchise this would be nothing - a blip - a throwaway comment moved past faster than Kyles dogs can bullet for freedom at an unlocked door. A single round of wine tasting on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills would have barrelled through thirty full-blown personal attacks and resolutions before any of them can detect "oak" on their palettes. But here in Malibu, we’re forced to relive the same mild transgressions over and over again until the inevitable reunion.
This season the drama is as follows: Kyle accuses Dorit of being "too glam" for a yoga retreat (actually). Garcelle thinks Kyle is a narcissist (welcome to Kyle, Garcelle, get into it). And Erika talked loudly about a threesome in front of Denise’s kids. You know, the same Denise who married Charlie Sheen and his horror house of hookers. You know, the same Denise who’s husbands ‘DickTales’ drinking game would cause liver damage. The same Denise who’s literal tagline for the season is about getting a handjob at a massage parlor. While the latter is amusing, the former is pretty perfunctory stuff for The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
And here trotting about in the thick of it is a deeply southern woman in a couture tube telling Kyle her party will devolve into madness without table settings (it did). Gone are the thinly-veiled ‘jokes’ of Lisa Vanderpump yore. Here we have statement as fact, and it’s about time. Without Vanderpump, none of these girls have beef. We have four actresses, (five, pending Chicago reviews) an "accountability coach," and a Connecticut area woman, AKA Our Lady of the Immaculate Conception of Boy George. They are a very different breed of woman, structurally engineered to feign smiles and parade through many a launch party, fawning at co-conspirators wardrobe choices till their faces fall off.
The struggle is real for Sutton, however, and we got our first glimpse of her first season jitters in her stand-off with Dorit. Tears swelled as Sutton seemed to struggle to spar over something as insignificant as intonation. (Dorit says Sutton was "ready to blow" over a shock party guest, Sutton is offended at the assumption she would "blow up"). Arguing over "how something was said" versus "what was said" is classic Beverly Hills, and to see Sutton fall for it was a rookie mistake. Everybody knows you simply smile, retort daggers in your eyes, and randomly make up a rumor their husband is sleeping in the poolhouse.
The fact of the matter, however, is that thus far, Sutton has already shown us more peaks and valleys than any other new addition on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and she’s not even a full-time housewife. Though Garcelle is much breezier, Sutton says it all. She’d be right at home on The Real Housewives of New York, she could talk a big game on Dallas, share shocked and judgy faces with Shannon Beador (nee Storms) or even hold a press conference for her haters ala Karen Huger of Potomac. Fans have been clamoring for a franchise cross-over, and one could argue we may have just got one.