Parks and Rec: Every Key To The Swanson Pyramid Of Greatness

Parks and Recreation gave viewers countless memorable moments in its 2009-2015 run. Each character had multiple shining, laugh out loud moments throughout the show.

Among those who had the most was the director of the Pawnee Parks Department, Ron Swanson. One day he could wipe out all of JJ's Diner's eggs in a single sitting, the next he could be seen wooing numerous women under the stage name "Duke Silver."

Among his greatest moments was the time he coached youth basketball in Season 3 Episode 1 "Go Big or Go Home." This unveiled the key to Ron's accomplished life: the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness.

Whether you're down on your luck or looking for confirmation that you're on the right path in life, everyone could use a reminder, in ascending order, of "Every Key To The Swanson Pyramid Of Greatness."

Frankness

"Cut the B.S."

Nothing wrong with cutting the extra nonsense in life.

(There are nine components to the first tier, which could be viewed as the foundation to what makes Ron, Ron.)

Capitalism

Nick Offerman as Ron Swanson on Parks and Rec

"God's way of determining who smart and who is poor."

Pretty sure capitalism was man-made, not God's doing. Can't imagine that'd matter to Ron either way.

Facial Hair

"Full, thick and square. Nothing sculpted. If you have to sculpt it, that probably means you can't grow it."

This is actually a pretty fair stance. Though, if that means you're growing a bushy mustache like Ron's, or a Hagrid-like beard, then forget about it.

Living In The Woods

"Live off the land."

Do people still do this in the 21st century? Isn't everything processed in a factory now?

Rage

"One rage every three months is permitted. Try not to hurt anyone who doesn't deserve it."

Everyone can use a little venting session once in a while. But raging to the point where you can cause physical harm seems a bit rash.

Security

"Secure the Land."

This sounds a lot like something one of Ron Swanson's least favorite people, Ron Dunn, would say.

Poise

"Sting like a bee. Do not float like a butterfly. That's ridiculous."

Ron takes a little shot at Muhammad Ali's world famous quote, "Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee."

Sorry, Ron, but The Champ probably wins that fight.

Handshakes

"Firm, Dry, Solid. 3 seconds."

Do not gloss over this point!

Body Grooming

"Only women shave beneath the neck."

Hmmm... let's chalk this one up to personal preference.

Friends

"One to three is sufficient."

See, now, Ron doesn't even live by this one, if he's being honest with himself. He has at least four friends in the Pawnee Parks Department alone.

(This marks the start of Ron's second level.)

Property Rights

"They exist. Do not let them be taken away from you."

Is someone trying to take them away from us?

Masonry

"Building walls makes you strong. Defending them makes you even stronger."

Something says the Parks and Rec writers would've crafted this a bit differently if this episode had aired a few years after the show concluded.

Cabins

"A place to rest that is made of logs."

This seems more like an observation than a "key to greatness."

Perspiration

"Only sweat during physical activity or love making. No emotional sweating."

Keep in mind, this is coming from a guy who's seldom nervous, if ever.

And what about those of us who sweat just sitting down? Didn't think that one through, did you, Ron?

You

"You are your biggest ally."

This is very true.

Crying

"Acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon."

Ron didn't cry when he read the poem Leslie Knope gave him when he visited the Lagavulin distillery in Scotland, but he came pretty darn close. Definitely got choked up. He may want to revise this point.

Physical Fitness

You can't go wrong being active. Ron doesn't workout like most people do, but he does plenty enough to stay healthy, despite eating so much garbage -- aside from all the protein he eats, of course.

Intensity

"Give 100%. 110% is impossible. Only idiots recommend that."

He's right. People need to hear nonsense about that extra 10 percent because some don't know how to give full effort. When you go "110%" you're actually giving your 100 percent effort.

(You are now on the third tier in the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness.)

Torso

Ron Swanson Talking To The Camera Arms Crossed

"Should be thick and impenetrable."

Ron may have overlooked things like knives when crafting this point. It's pretty much impossible to make your body "impenetrable," for those who weren't aware.