New Girl is definitely not lacking in hilarious secondary characters. One such character that quickly became a fan favorite is known only as Outside Dave. Not much is known about Dave other than the fact that he is a homeless man who hangs out around the building where Jess and the gang live.
Dave is a bit loopy most of the time, but he seems generally contented in life. His coffee of choice is a 2% latte and seems to have built a friendship with birds and feral cats. Fans definitely appreciate his comments when he pops up in episodes of New Girl. Read on to discover 10 hilarious Outside Dave quotes.
"I'm Like A Pretty Lady!"
In the episode "The Box," Nick throws Jess's vintage purses out the window. When Jess goes outside to retrieve her purses, she discovers that Dave is wearing all of them. He has even dedicated one for meat and one for shells. Jess then tells Dave that he can keep the purses, and he excitedly giggles this quote. Purses really can make anyone feel better.
"I Work So Hard! I Just Want Some Sleep!"
Dave screams this at Jess as she attempts to wake him up while he sleeps on the hood of her car. To be fair, we don't know what Dave does with his free time. Maybe he had been hard at work the night before. He does seem soothed by Jess's offer to get him a 2% latte. We feel you, Dave. Mornings are rough.
"Two Urinals?! I'm Rich!!"
Outside Dave knows how to appreciate the simple things in life. In the episode "First Date," Schmidt and Winston hire Dave to ruin Nick and Jess' date for the price of 25 minutes of TV time and a homecooked sandwich.
However, things quickly go awry when Dave yells, "to the laboratory!" and locks himself in the bathroom. Then he exclaims this quote from inside.
"It's Shorts Weather! Everybody's Gonna Want To Dance With You!"
This quote is also from the episode "First Date." While Dave is locked in the bathroom, Schmidt attempts to break in through the ceiling. Unfortunately, Dave grabs one of his legs and begins to shave it, hence the quote above. At least it seems like Dave's heart was in the right place.
"I Once Lived With 40 Birds And They All Flew Away. And I Moved On"
In the episode "Menus," Schmidt is feeling sad about no longer living with his roommates. He goes to breakfast with Outside Dave, who gives Schmidt some sage advice. Dave tells Schmidt that his friends have moved on and shares this relatable quote with him. He also introduces Schmidt to Connor, a figurine who lives in Dave's pocket and apparently went to SUNY Binghamton.
"Now Pretend That You're Really Thirsty But The Only Thing That Can Quench Your Thirst Is The Tears From A Golden Retriever."
Outside Dave says this line to the gang when Jess asks him to take a holiday picture of them. It's a lot more creative than, "say cheese," so we have to give Dave that. However, Dave decides to take a selfie instead of snapping the gang's picture. Jess probably should have seen that one coming.
"Now I'm Going To Mash A Muffin Into The Phone. You Tell Me If It Makes Its Way Through"
For some reason, Jess enlists Outside Dave's help in stopping the night construction in their neighborhood. Dave seems to be doing a surprisingly good job on the phones until he makes this statement. Still, haven't we all wished we could send objects through the phone at some point?
"I Got This From The Shoulderless Dutch Boy You Live With."
Outside Dave says this to Nick when he discovers that Dave has the football helmet he gave to Jess. It could be due to the fact that his glasses are very dirty and held together with tape that he thinks Jess is a shoulderless Dutch boy.
It's also not exactly clear what Dave means by "shoulderless." When Nick finds him, Dave is keeping his collection of pet rocks in Nick's football helmet, which seems like a pretty fun use for it.
"Excuse Me, Is Your Name Stephanie? I'm Supposed To Be Meeting Somebody Here."
Like we said before, we don't know what Dave gets up to in his free time. It could be that he has a blossoming social life that Jess and the gang have no idea about. In the episode "Heat Wave," Dave asks Nick if his name is Stephanie because he is supposed to be meeting someone with that name outside the loft. Maybe Dave had a date scheduled!
"The Sky Is So Close And It's Made Of Wood."
It's definitely going to be a weird day if Outside Dave is inside. Just that happens in the episode "Where The Road Goes." Dave appears in the bar where Nick works for the reception of Ferguson's memorial and makes this statement. Apparently, Outside Dave isn't used to seeing the ceiling. This episode also makes us wonder if Dave and Ferguson were personal friends since Dave attended his memorial.