As the holiday season approaches, so does the annual wave of holiday movies. Made-for-TV movies from every channel imaginable will hit the small screen nightly. The Lifetime Network, specifically, is known for airing as many holiday movies as there are days in the year.
In an effort to mix things up from the "businesswoman moves back home and rediscovers the true meaning of Christmas" archetype, they've featured some pretty bizarre stories that come off as completely ridiculous.
Becoming Santa (2015)
In Becoming Santa, the logistics of the role of Santa Claus are called into question. For most movies and stories, Santa is a mythical being, powered by magic, and essentially immortal. Every so often, there's a magical transfer of power, like in The Santa Clause, but mostly the role of Santa is a sacred one.
That is not the case for this Lifetime flick: being Santa is something you marry into. Connor meets the parents of his girlfriend, Holly, for the first time only to discover that they're Mr. and Mrs. Claus and if he marries into the family, he will become the next Santa Claus. The story is a bit sexist. After all, if being Santa is a family business, why can't Holly become Santa? After all, fans may not know that Lifetime itself has many women in leadership positions.
The Flight Before Christmas (2015)
This movie strangely normalizes leaving someone you're in a long-term relationship with for someone you've spent less than 48 platonic hours with. Stephanie is played by Mayim Bialik, one half of the most relatable Big Bang Theory couple, and is recently single and homeless, is traveling on a plane to Montana when she meets Michael and the two argue nonstop on the flight.
After inclement weather, the flight is diverted and the two end up sharing a room at a local bed and breakfast for one night before Stephanie sneaks back to the airport and leaves. Apparently, this interaction is enough to make Michael break up with the woman he was going to propose to, and he and Stephanie meet back up and get together. The entirety of the plot is just too fantastical to believe.
Christmas In The City (2013)
Why make Santa kid-friendly at a store when he could be sexy? When Wendy nonsensically decides to work in the city days before Christmas to make extra money to "save" her dad's store, she takes a temp job at a department store that her friend works at.
Besides the fact that there's no logical way Wendy could make enough money working a temp department store job to save her dad's store from bankruptcy, the new manager brought into the store gives the store Santa shirtless "elves" and minidress-clad assistants. To hammer home that she's too focused on profit, she plays a song in the daycare that sings, "You can't trust Santa to make you cool, you gotta buy what you need to make you cool."
12 Men Of Christmas (2009)
Keeping with the theme of Lifetime holiday movies approaching an R-rating is the story of a PR executive, E.J., who's forced to take a one-year contract to boost tourism in a small Montana town. For some nonsensical reason, she decides that the best plan to increase corporate retreats to the town is to raise money for a helicopter for the Search And Rescue team.
In an even stranger turn of events, she determines that the most effective way to raise money is to create a sexy calendar of the men on the team and sell them. It's never clear why she chooses to invest so much energy into it besides a budding love interest, and it's not clear what importance Christmastime has in the film, as well.
Grumpy Cat's Worst Christmas Ever (2014)
Lifetime decided to make an entire film surrounding the internet meme Grumpy Cat. Grumpy Cat stars as a cat from a mall pet store that just wants to be adopted and discovers that a young girl can communicate with her. Voiced by the droll and hilarious Aubrey Plaza, Grumpy Cat walks around in the film by being ridiculously puppeted by a person just below frame.
The film includes explosions, Grumpy Cat operating a toy paintball gun, sporting a monocle, and even driving a car through the mall. For some strange reason, the film is action-packed from start to finish in the best but most ridiculous way.
Comfort And Joy (2003)
This movie takes the idea of Overboard, adds magic, and turns it into a Christmas movie. An advertising executive gets into a car crash and wakes up to a man telling her they've been married for 10 years and have two children. Even though Jane, the main character, dated this man, Sam, 10 years ago, she doesn't even recognize him when he helps her out of her wrecked car.
The two seem to be in their early to mid-thirties, and it seems hard to believe that his appearance or voice would have changed that much. Additionally, there isn't a rhyme or reason to what sparks Jane's transitions between the realities. Once is a car wreck, the next is a kiss shared with Sam. When she wakes up again, Sam is there in her original reality and the two get back together.
A Very Nutty Christmas (2018)
Things are off to a weird start in this bizarre retelling of the classic Nutcracker story when Kate, a baker, admits that she used to have a crush on her toy nutcracker as a child. A nutcracker gifted to her mysteriously turns into a human overnight, and Kate, played by Melissa Joan Hart, has no reaction to a stranger in a nutcracker costume in her home, thinking it's a house share she set up.
The two go to a ball together and Chip, The Nutcracker, in some ridiculous way, has money to rent a carriage and buy Kate ruby earrings. Chip talks about fighting the mouse king the whole movie but it never happens, and when he turns back into a toy, Kate meets her friend's nephew who is almost exactly like Chip.
Christmas 9 To 5 (2019)
The entire premise of this film is one of the least realistic of all, and it doesn't include any magic at all. Jennifer, a crime reporter for a newspaper, who undoubtedly worked very hard to get to where she is, is given the strangest assignment to ever be given to a crime reporter in the history of newspaper: find the meaning of Christmas.
Not only does that make zero sense, but she goes undercover as a temp department store employee and falls in love, choosing to stay at the department store instead of her chosen field in a career she's worked toward her whole life. There's no reasoning to anything that happens in the film, making it impossible to stay invested in the plot.
Merry In-Laws (2012)
A large part of what makes this film so ridiculous is the way that it's shot. Although it's a 2012 movie, the style, and zoomed-in POVs give this Lifetime movie intense 90's nostalgia that Hallmark movies don't have. To make things even stranger, Alex has dated Peter and become his fianceé, all without ever meeting or even speaking to his parents, who happen to be Mr. and Mrs. Claus.
An uncomfortably unbearded Santa and wife come visit to meet Alex and her parents, making references to the family secret the entire movie. The characters are exaggerated and kooky, making for a whimsical but ridiculous watching experience.
A Nanny For Christmas (2010)
The friend of an advertising executive (which seems to be the occupation for a majority of the characters in these movies) fails to realize that the job she has an inside connection for at a company is for a nanny instead of an advertising executive. Apparently, she didn't describe her friend, Ally, at all to the boss interview her, and the portfolio and resume she came with are completely ignored.
Even after Ally finds out at the end of the interview, she still strangely takes the job instead of explaining why she's there or what she does. Coincidentally, the company is in desperate need of an ad campaign - and neither the boss nor Ally thought to present or read Ally's advertising resume. The character motivation and decision-making are intensely weird in this movie.