There are moments of cringe humor in almost every episode of The Office, but some episodes lean on it a lot more than others. In fact, there those episodes, like “Scott’s Tots” and “Dinner Party,” that are so cringeworthy that fans who can’t stomach the awkwardness will skip them altogether during rewatches of the series.
One of those episodes is “Phyllis’ Wedding,” in which the happiest day of Phyllis’ life — her wedding to Bob Vance of Vance Refrigeration — is ruined by Michael trying to make it all about himself. It’s one of the show’s all-time cringiest installments.
The Photographer Kicks Michael Out Of The Wedding Photos
At the beginning of “Phyllis’ Wedding,” the wedding photographer is taking pictures of the wedding party and Michael, unsurprisingly, tries to push his way into them.
By taking a bunch of people out of the photos and then putting them all back in except Michael, the photographer expertly manages to get rid of the bride’s intrusive boss.
“Phyllis, Did You Break Wind?”
While Phyllis is getting ready for her wedding, Michael barges in to tell her how beautiful she looks. But then, he becomes distracted and asks, “Phyllis, did you break wind?” He comments that the smell is “pungent” and loses his train of thought.
Who exactly it was that broke wind is one of The Office’s great mysteries. Michael clearly didn’t do it. Maybe it was someone from the documentary crew.
Phyllis’ Dad “Upstages” Michael
Michael believes that he’s crucial to Phyllis’ wedding because she lets him push her father’s wheelchair down the aisle (just to get a few extra weeks off for her honeymoon), so he sees himself as the “father of the bride” of sorts. However, halfway down the aisle, Phyllis’ dad pulls off the incredible feat of standing from his wheelchair and walking his daughter down the rest of the aisle himself.
While most of the guests applaud him, Michael is furious because he feels like he’s been upstaged. He tells the camera, “This is bulls**t,” and drags the wheelchair the rest of the way.
“I Can’t Believe I Pushed That Guy’s Lazy A** Around All Day...”
Michael is really peeved after Phyllis’ dad miraculously stands out of his wheelchair to walk his daughter down the aisle.
He tells the camera, “I can’t believe I pushed that guy’s lazy ass around all day, until he was ready to stand up and steal the show. Well, I got news for you, Albert, if that’s your real name: the show’s not over.”
Michael Calls The End Of The Wedding Too Early
Toward the end of the ceremony, when the priest asks Phyllis if she takes Bob Vance to be her lawfully wedding husband and she replies, “I do,” Michael prematurely cries out, “Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you for the first time as a couple, Mr. and Mrs. Bob Vance!”
The guests watch in a stunned silence. The priest continues, “And do you, Bob...” and Michael realizes his mistake. When Bob says, “I do,” instead of keeping his mouth shut, Michael repeats himself: “Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you for the first time as a couple, Mr. and Mrs. Bob Vance!”
“Somehow, My Pants Became Wet.”
Michael tells the camera that he was only ever invited to one wedding before Phyllis’, and that was the wedding of his mom and her boyfriend, Jeff. Michael was supposed to be the ringbearer, but he explains that “somehow, my pants became wet.”
In a wedding video cutaway, he yells at his mom after wetting his pants and runs away. Michael explains that he was replaced by a dog who “peed on everything” after the ceremony.
Dwight Kicks Out Phyllis’ Uncle Who Has Dementia
When Dwight bought a ticket to see Grizzly Man, he walked into the wrong theater and ended up watching the Owen Wilson-Vince Vaughn comedy Wedding Crashers. Inspired by the movie, he appoints himself to the position of ousting any wedding crashers from Phyllis and Bob’s reception.
He encounters one guest who can’t remember the names of the bride or groom, so he kicks him out. However, he turns out to be Phyllis’ uncle, who has dementia.
Michael’s Speech
Michael gives a long, excruciating speech at the wedding reception that no one — especially not the happy couple — wants him to make. He decides to start with a few different openers, because “time isn’t a factor” and he intends to go on for 40 minutes. First, he offers the Webster’s definition of “wedding,” but accidentally defines “welding” instead.
He also quotes The Princess Bride, calls Phyllis and Bob “Phlob,” and reveals that Phyllis’ high school nickname was “Easy Rider,” before Bob grabs the mic from him and forces him off the stage.
Toby Introduces His Date To Kevin
Toby brings an unbelievably gorgeous date to Phyllis’ wedding. She ends up catching the bouquet after Ryan knocks it out of Kelly’s hands and gives it to Toby.
When Toby introduces his date to Kevin and tells him he met her at the gym, Stanley overhears and says, “At the gym, right,” insinuating that he thinks she’s an escort.
Michael Joins In The Cutting Of The Cake
In the final scene of “Phyllis’ Wedding,” viewers are left feeling suitably uncomfortable as Phyllis and Bob cut their wedding cake and do the classic couple thing of smushing cake on each other’s faces.
The guests are all laughing along until Michael decided to get involved in the cake-cutting as a painfully obvious third wheel and smushes cake on his own face.