Monty Python and the Holy Grail was a classic nearly from the very moment it hit viewers' screens. Monty Python has many movies and sketches out, and are known well for their knack for comedic songs, unique animation, and generally surreal, absurdist content. Fans love the comedy troupe for their strangeness, and as time passes their work remains admirable--particularly The Holy Grail, which is a gift that never seems to stop giving.
The silly humor of the movie is enough to lift anyone's spirits, and it's possible that Monty Python's comedic genius is at its best in The Holy Grail.
Updated by Kristy Ambrose on December 3rd, 2020: How many fans of movies, comedies, vintage British cinema, role-players, and medieval cosplay have this movie on their view-again list? Despite the low budget and general lack of support from mainstream media and critics, the Monty Python comedy troupe made a movie for the ages that we can't stop watching. Virtually every piece of dialogue could be on this list, and maybe it would be more efficient to just post the script in its place, but we're still having fun finding the best quotes from everyone's favorite King Arthur parody.
"Are You Suggesting That Coconuts Migrate?" - Castle Guard
The castle guard won't let King Arthur in, nor even continue to fully explain why he's there. Instead, the guard insists upon dissecting the subject of King Arthur's coconut shells which he uses to make clip-clopping noises of horse hooves in place of having an actual horse.
The guard exclaims that it makes no sense that coconuts should be found in England. It seems silly, and it is, but it's an important plot device that comes up later.
“Every Time I Try to Talk to Someone it’s ‘Sorry This’ and ‘Forgive Me That’ and ‘I’m Not Worthy.’” - God
God's angry rant is one funny quote after another, and it happens near the beginning of the film to set the pace for our heroic knights. Instead of sending his message to king Arther in a more abstract way, like the Almighty often does in legend and myth, God just turns up, floating on a golden cloud.
He's surrounded by heralds, banners, and other sorts of finery while yelling a number of things, including this quote, and that Arthur and his knights should look for the holy grail.
"I Think I'll Go For A Walk." "You're Not Fooling Anyone!" - Random Medieval Peasants
The notorious scene in which a man walks through a small, grimy village shouting out for the peasants to bring out their dead and one peasant attempts to leave him with a man who is still alive. Not only alive but aiming to take a nice, refreshing walk.
The two haggle for a few minutes, all while the old, sick man is slung over the man's shoulder arguing that he's still very alive and getting much better.
"I Didn't Know You Were Called Dennis!" - King Arthur
King Arthur calls along to who he thinks is an old woman, to end up being lambasted by a man who asserts that he's very much not a woman and also not old, but thirty-seven.
The two argue about what King Arthur should have called him, to which the man responds that he could've called him Dennis.
"Strange Women Lyin' In Ponds Distributin' Swords Is No System For A Basis Of Government." - Dennis
A peasant argues with King Arthur over his legitimacy as King. The peasant rattles on about political injustice and refuses to respond to King Arthur's pleas for him to "shut up!" because he doesn't recognize Arthur's right to give him orders.
King Arthur relays his story of how he ended up being named a ruler--the tale of the sword in the stone--and the peasant remains skeptical.
"I Thought Your Son Was a Lady." - Sir Lancelot
If anyone has read the medieval stories on which this movie is based, then it's no mystery as to what really drove Lancelot the whole time, but this hysterical skit and this equally funny quote put that into stark relief. No damsel in distress means that the fearless knight suddenly loses his motivation, but luckily his popularity covers any minor inconveniences or bloody massacres that he might have caused.
The soundtrack in these scenes are a part of the joke, perfectly timed to parody the so-called "noble knight" motif.
"You Make Me Sad. So Be It. Come, Patsy." - King Arthur
King Arthur asks a particularly ferocious Knight whom he witnessed kill another man in the woods to join his quest. He repeatedly urges the Knight to respond to him, but the Knight remains silent.
King Arthur eventually gives up, expressing his disappointment with a hilariously childish tone and choice of words. This scene is based on the original story of Lancelot and Arthur, who meet in a similar way, but this encounter takes an extreme and hilarious turn.
"You're Arm's Off!" - King Arthur "No, It Isn't." - The Black Knight
The King fights a Knight who will not let him pass through the woods and quickly cuts the Knights arm off. The Knight refuses to acknowledge that he's just had his arm cut off, referring to it as "only a scratch", and challenges the King to keep fighting him as if nothing has happened.
King Arthur continues to cut off the Knight's other limbs, until the Knight is left as a stump on the ground, calling after King Arther that he will bite his legs off.
"She Turned Me Into A Newt!... I Got Better." - Angry Villager
A crowd of townspeople is in a rage about burning a witch--or a woman they claim to be a witch. They pretty easily admit that they actually tied a fake nose to her face and dressed her up, but insist that she does have a wart and is, therefore, a witch.
When this is also questioned, one of the townspeople proclaims that she turned him into a newt--then, realizing this makes no sense seeing as he's a human, meekly includes that he got better.
"There Are Those Who Call Me...Tim." - Tim the Enchanter
Oh, were you expecting something more dramatic? Wrong movie, viewing pubic! The way John Cleese delivers this line is perfect as if he's having a hard time believing it himself. Plus, we're about to see a killer bunny, so Tim is the least of our worries.
Is it merely a silly joke, or a clever way to predict how names would look in present-day MMORPGs? Knowing an Enchanter named Tim isn't even that weird anymore.
"Your Mother Was A Hamster And Your Father Smelt Of Elderberries!" - French Knight
Another castle guard gives King Arthur trouble about trying to get past the castle gates. This time the guard is french, and harasses King Arthur in a self-proclaimed "outrageous accent", firing off several creative insults which are commonly quoted by fans to this day.
The men then attempt to get into the castle via a rabbit version of a Trojan Horse but forget to actually hide inside of the rabbit before it's taken into the castle walls.
"What Do You mean, an African or European swallow?" - King Arthur
The movie might have had a limited budget, but that doesn't mean that the acting and writing weren't stellar. This line from the opening scene comes full circle to help Arthur safely cross the Bridge of Death, thwarting the Bridgekeeper and his not-so-impossible questions.
Sir Bedivere, who missed that opening scene, is impressed by Arthur's scientific knowledge. The King brushes it off as a day in the life of a monarch as opposed to some random trivia he picked up from a bored castle guard.
"One Day All This Will Be Yours!" - Swamp King "What, The Curtains?" - Herbert
A young lord and his father sit staring out a window romantically, and the father asserts that everything the boy sees will one day be his.
The moment is set up perfectly to be one of dignity and masculine bonding, but it's immediately broken by the boy's absurd and moronic assertion that his father is talking about the curtains around the window. The boy wants nothing to do with being a lord and instead keeps attempting to break into a romantic song about his longing to be a performer, which his father must repeatedly interrupt.
"Run Away! Run Away!" - King Arthur and His Knights
This may be one of the most recognizable lines from the movie, short and unremarkable yet reminiscent of the particular kind of humor unique to the work of Monty Python. The Knights yell it whenever they are giving up a fight, in an instance where, in a normal period-film, an army would shout "retreat!"
This is, of course, a way to take something that is usually taken for granted as very serious and manly and flip it on its head to make it ridiculous instead, while technically saying the same thing.
"And the Lord Did Grin." - Brother Maynard's Brother
It's not only the quote that's funny, poking fun at the long-winded and over-the-top Biblical language used to tell these kinds of stories, but that it's read by Brother Maynard's brother, who is also a Brother.
It seems that Monty Python can't resist a pun, so they sneak this in as well. Other running jokes that slide in here include the "three versus five" running gag, which you could easily miss if you're still laughing at the Lord grinning.