Claire and Phil Dunphy from Modern Family have a rock-solid marriage and the fact that they are so different from each other only makes their relationship more interesting and gives their foundation a lot of credibility. While Claire is a grounded realist, Phil is a dreamer and a tad whimsical and childish, and the fans have enjoyed unraveling their dynamic.
But there are so many things about their relationship that simply don’t add up. Like how they each approach parenting, and how they lie to each other for small insignificant reasons when they both want an honest relationship. Here are a few things about Claire and Phil's relationship that simply don’t make sense:
Their Wonky Parenting Set-Up
Though Phil and Claire are incredible parents who are quick to acknowledge their own flaws, it’s weird how they haven’t come up with a co-parenting system that’s more functional for managing three kids of different ages. They usually announce a new house rule or call out their kids without discussing it amongst themselves beforehand, which is unrealistic, because every household with more than one kid usually has parents who make joint decisions. This actually causes quite a lot of issues in Modern Family. For instance, when Claire came up with the week without technology policy, Phil turned it into a contest which obviously took away from the gravity of the situation and gave the kids an easy way out
Claire Goes Along With Phil’s Gaslighting
Someone as tough and grounded as Claire is surprisingly accommodating to Phil’s problematic patterns. It’s no secret that Phil has often disregarded Claire’s issues or hang-ups and has made a situation look like it’s her fault. Perhaps not consciously, but Phil has tried many times to pass off his own erring ways as Claire’s issue, and Claire never puts her foot down about it.
Now this is really inconsistent because though Claire works towards preserving peace in her family she's also not the type to lay down and let someone take advantage of her complacency even if it's her own husband
They Judged Each Other For Seeking Out Alone Time
For a couple that's been married for so long, it's weird how they didn't acknowledge each other's need for some me-time. In fact, since Phil and Claire are always looking to lighten each other's burdens, why wouldn't they take the kids off each other's hands to give their spouse some space and some peace? During the sexy house episode, for instance, Claire feels sad that Phil wanted to spend one evening on his own unwinding. Phil too once got sensitive when he realized Claire was trying to send him and the kids away so she could have the house to herself.
They Are Not Each Other's Type
Determining someone's 'type' could be tricky and even impossible, but Phil and Claire both clearly have a type. But Phil is obviously attracted to very different women, who are notably more vivacious, sociable, and perhaps more brunette-r than Claire.
Whereas Claire was a superbly popular teenager who's used to dating jocks when she met the nerdy Phil. He was break-dancing at the time and was possibly looking quite awkward and it's really unlikely that they got together as instantaneously as they'd led people to believe.
Their Valentine’s Day Ritual
If Phil and Claire wanted to try new things in their marriage to spice things up, why would they return to their role-playing aliases every year? Won’t the drama also be quite played out if they did the same thing every year? Fans have often talked about how they carved out separate identities so it could be cultivated every year and they could resume their ritual with the same alias every year. But since all they do is meet at a hotel bar and have sex with each other, wouldn't they rather be trying new things each time?
Claire Dismissed Phil’s Issues With Jay
It’s obvious that Jay never really grew fond of Phil. Though they weren’t on bad terms and Jay saw Phil’s merits, Phil was desperate about getting Jay’s approval. Claire experienced this dysfunctional dynamic firsthand as she would see Phil trying too hard to please Jay.
But she never brought this up to Jay or even to Phil, and she simply didn’t acknowledge the problem. Neither did she ask Jay to make an effort to make Phil better about himself and nor did she talk to Phil about not outdoing herself just to impress Jay.
The Division Of Labor In Their Household
Claire was vigilant about creating a balanced dynamic in their home so everyone had their fair share of chores. But it was very evident that Claire was the one doing the most amount of work around the house. Even after she went back to work, Phil seemed to do very little in their home. The focus simply shifted to Claire’s workplace and how she balanced her home and her profession, but since their kids were grown up now, wouldn’t it make more sense for Claire to suggest that Phil take more charge around the house?
Claire Doesn’t Call Phil Out For Flirting With Other Women
Phil is not exactly a predator or even consciously unfaithful, as he’s by all means fairly devoted. But there have been instances when he has been attracted to another woman, be it Gloria or someone he meets during a run or through work and he is quite oblivious about hiding his real feelings as he flirts with them.
Although it’s innocent, this is clearly an issue in their relationship since he has often called Claire out for doing the same thing. So, it’s weird how Claire never asks Phil for an explanation.
They Lied To Each Other About Petty Things
There was a strange lack of transparency in their marriage which was quite unreasonable because neither of them had any big secrets to keep. Claire and Phil often lie to each other for insignificant reasons, like when Claire lied to Phil about going to Luke’s soccer match without him. There have been numerous instances where they lie to each other when they have no reason to, and when their lie is discovered, they simply don’t talk about wanting a more transparent relationship, which is strange considering they wanted an honest relationship.
Their Attempts To Undermine Each Other’s Parenting
The famous 'good cop bad cop' approach to parenting or rather the 'good cop/mom' approach to parenting is usually how things go in the Dunphy household. Claire would usually be the disciplinarian and Phil would pamper the kids by letting them do things which they are not supposed to do. But this was not just a one-off thing, they’ve both worked towards undermining each other’s parenting behavior quite acutely but this doesn’t make sense when they work so hard at co-parenting their three difficult children. Phil does it the most when he depicts Claire as the overbearing, smothering mom and it’s not clear why he would do that if he wanted them to look like a team.