The Showtime anthology series Masters of Horror brought together 13 skilled directors, and here's how season 1's episodes stack up, worst to best. It's now been over a decade since Masters of Horror came and went after two seasons. A vain attempt was made to continue things in the form of NBC's Fear Itself, but that ended up being a pale imitation, especially due to broadcast TV's much more restrictive content standards for gore and nudity. Although oddly enough, NBC let Hannibal get away with quite a bit by 2013.
Despite its short life, Masters of Horror proved to be ahead of its time. Anthologies are now a hot commodity on TV again, with the large number of streaming outlets and cable networks constantly seeking out original programming making for lots of places for them to be shown. Extreme violence and graphic sexual content is also much more common now, as most premium cable channels and streaming services don't seem to care much.
While now would be a great time for a Masters of Horror revival, it's worth looking back at what the show's debut season offered up to horror fans. Some legendary directors took part, along with some questionable choices for the "master" category. 13 distinct stories were produced, running nearly feature-length, and with each director having complete creative control. Not every episode is a success, but even the lesser ones are usually at least interesting failures. Here's how they compare.
13. Fair-Haired Child
Calling director William Malone a "master" of horror is a bit odd, since his biggest claim to fame is the admittedly fun 1999 remake of House on Haunted Hill. His Masters of Horror episode, Fair-Haired Child, isn't abysmal, and its titular monster is pretty cool looking, but there's just not much to the story for something that runs much longer than a normal TV show installment. The ending is pleasing, with the villains getting their just desserts, but the central Faustian bargain premise has been done to death. It's also quite unclear what Lori Petty is trying to do in her role, playing things extremely weird at all times. Fair-Haired Child is just too uneven to rise any higher on the list.
12. Haeckel's Tale
Fittingly, since the story involves zombies, Haeckel's Tale was originally set to be directed by George Romero, but he ended up pulling out due to scheduling issues. Taking over was John McNaughton, director of the excellent Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer. Based on a Clive Barker short story, Haeckel's Tale is again, not unwatchable, but there is woefully little to it. An interesting period setting is undercut by low budget production design, and as things progress, the episode gets a bit too silly for its own good. While there's some cool, shocking imagery later on, the ending goes out on a lame joke, making one feel stupid for caring at all. Derek Cecil, House of Cards' future Seth Grayson, is at least pretty good in the title role.
11. Deer Woman
Thankfully, the comedy works a lot better in Deer Woman, which is clearly a horror/comedy from the jump. It helps that behind the camera is John Landis, director of 1981 classic An American Werewolf in London, and the lead is veteran TV comedy star Brian Benben. Deer Woman isn't one of the better Masters of Horror episodes, but it's an easy watch, and won't leave one regretting they sat through it. The premise, a Native American legend about a woman with deer legs who tramples men to death that's come to life, is creative, and leads to some fun imaginary sight gags involving Benben's cop character trying to explain away what seems to be an impossible monster. One really weak spot is the ending, which resolves nothing, and is quite abrupt.
10. Pick Me Up
Directed by quirky filmmaker Larry Cohen, and starring his frequent muse Michael Moriarty, Pick Me Up has a fun, highly off-kilter vibe from minute one. The story concerns two serial killers with competing agendas. Wheeler (Moriarty) is a trucker who kills hitchhikers he picks up, while Walker is a hitchhiker who kills people who pick him up. The two psychopaths drop multiple bodies over the course of the episode, but their shared pursuit of a potential victim (Fairuza Balk), leads to a collision course. The premise is inspired, and the leads do well, but it sometimes seems like the execution isn't living up to the concept. Still, the showdown between the two killers is entertaining, and the ending joke in this one actually works, although it's best not to analyze exactly what it means too much.
9. Dance of the Dead
Like Pick Me Up, Dance of the Dead sports an interesting, creative concept, but sometimes falters in its execution. Its future dystopian setting, and rather unique visual choices make it unlike any other Masters of Horror episode though, and it's quite watchable, even if some of the characters grate. The titular Dance of the Dead sees zombies forced to perform onstage at a seedy nightclub, which leads to the best part of the episode, horror icon Robert Englund as the owner and MC. Englund is gleefully scummy in the role, and things pick up every time he's onscreen. The ending is fairly good too, with another character getting what they deserve. The late, great Tobe Hooper, of Texas Chainsaw Massacre fame, was the director here.
8. Chocolate
Mick Garris, frequent Stephen King collaborator and creator of Masters of Horror, directs Chocolate, based on his own short story. Chocolate takes a while to get to the horror aspects of its story, but once they come, the wait is mostly paid off. Henry Thomas shines in the lead, one of the early adult roles that showed he was still a great actor long after saying goodbye to E.T. Thomas, whose character forms an inexplicable psychic connection with a woman he ends up falling in love with, is asked to portray some really odd things, and does so with complete commitment. The weirdest is when Thomas' character experiences what sex is like for a woman, at the worst possible time.
7. Incident On and Off a Mountain Road
The very first episode of Masters of Horror, Incident On and Off a Mountain Road is a pretty strong outing, directed by Phantasm's Don Coscarelli and based on a Joe R. Lansdale short story. Also pretty strong, is Incident's villain, a towering killer dubbed Moonface who arranges car wrecks and then massacres those stranded. Surprisingly, a lot of this episode is told in flashback, as lead Ellen (Bree Turner), thinks back to her tumultuous marriage to her now deceased survivalist husband (Ethan Embry). The resolution to that plot line is well done, as is Moonface's ultimate fate. It's also quite nice to see late horror icon Angus Scrimm in a minor role, famous for his work as the Tall Man in the Phantasm movies.
6. Homecoming
Directed by The Howling's Joe Dante, Homecoming was released at the height of the George W. Bush administration, and wears its liberal politics on its sleeve. If one can get past that though, a lot of what it has to say about the U.S. political divide and shady politicians is sadly still quite relevant. Homecoming sees soldiers killed in America's various foreign wars return from the grave to exercise their right to vote out the man who sent them to die, death be damned. When efforts are made to discard their votes, the zombies get angry, and the living are in big trouble. Ham-handed ending and dated Ann Coulter parody aside, Homecoming is a fun watch, with a wonderfully immoral performance by Robert Picardo.
5. Dreams in the Witch-House
Dreams in the Witch-House sees director Stuart Gordon do what he does best, adapt a story by H.P. Lovecraft. While this episode isn't as good as feature films like Re-Animator and From Beyond, it's suitably creepy and unnerving, and features Ezra Godden in the lead, who Gordon fans will recognize from his 2001 film Dagon. Dreams in the Witch-House sports some good performances, an atmospheric score, familiar Lovecraftian concepts, and some shocking violence. One of the only areas it fails in is production value, as the budget is obviously low, and it never stops being noticeable. This is most apparent when the episode utilizes CGI gore effects, which look really, really bad. Despite those issues, Dreams in the Witch-House is very well done overall, and a satisfying decent into Lovecraftian madness and mayhem.
4. Sick Girl
Lucky McKee is the weirdest inclusion in Masters of Horror season 1's roster, having only recently made a splash with his cult hit May. While McKee didn't go on to have the career many hoped, he did craft one of the best episodes of Masters of Horror, complete with his May star Angela Bettis in the leading role. Sick Girl is definitely not for the faint of heart, or those who can't take bugs. While the villainous insect at the center of this story isn't real, it's creepy and gross all the same, and the last act of the episode gets absolutely bonkers, in a great way. By contrast, the effects on display here are excellent, and the ick factor is off the charts. The ending is also bizarre, but thankfully, it works for the story being told.
3. Jenifer
Jenifer is another episode that's definitely not for the squeamish, but again, this show isn't called Masters of Happiness. Horror fans will find a lot to like here, with Italian maestro Dario Argento behind the camera. Steven Weber stars as a cop whose life is turned upside down after he finds Jenifer, a woman with a supermodel body but a monstrous face. Weber's character takes pity on her, but she turns out to be a kind of succubus, preying on him sexually and murdering lots of people along the way, including a child, and wow does that kid get it bad. A cat also dies, for those who might want to know that in advance. Jenifer is some dark stuff, and features shocking violence, but hardened genre fans probably won't be too phased.
2. Imprint
Then, of course, there's Imprint, which the gore-phobic and easily offended should run away from like the plague. Directed by infamous Japanese filmmaker Takashi Miike, Imprint was deemed so upsetting that Showtime refused to air it, leading to a direct to home video debut. When a premium channel won't show something, that must mean it's pretty hardcore. Imprint includes lots of taboo topics, which won't be gone into here too much, outside of saying they may trigger some viewers. It's also extremely graphically violent, and has scenes of torture that will test all but the strongest stomachs. The plot doesn't always make much sense, told as it is through the eyes of unreliable narrators. Still, Imprint is very unique in the Masters of Horror canon, and remains a worthwhile watch for diehard horror buffs, as well as those who make a point to watch all of Miike's varied output.
1. Cigarette Burns
Seeing John Carpenter's Cigarette Burns take the top slot on this ranking shouldn't really surprise anyone too familiar with Masters of Horror. It's widely regarded as the best episode of the whole series, and while that makes it an obvious choice, it's not an incorrect assessment. In fact, Cigarette Burns is arguably Carpenter's best work since 1995's In the Mouth of Madness, which it actually has quite a bit in common with, to the point where Cigarette Burns could be considered a spiritual successor. Whereas In the Mouth of Madness saw Sam Neill investigate an evil book that drives people to insanity, Cigarette Burns has Norman Reedus' Kirby hunting for a film capable of doing the same. Cigarette Burns is creepy, gory, visually stylish, boasts a great score by Carpenter's son Cody, and is just really great all around. The final act is full of craziness, including a man feeding his own guts into a film projector, and that's not even the weirdest part.