The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel Characters Sorted Into Their Hogwarts Houses

Not since Mad Men has a show both glamorized a time period and exposed its flaws. Amazon's The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel nails the vintage whimsy of the 1950s, from the jaunty music to Midge's marvelous outfits, full of A-line dresses, pencil skirts, and oh-so-many hats. However, while Midge's wardrobe and personality may be bursting with exuberant color, the decade she lives in seeks to pigeonhole her. By day she's the quintessential '50s housewife, but by night she's an ace comedian who performs in secret, largely out of fear for what her family and friends will think. Those around her also grapple with the disparity between their prescribed societal roles and their true identity.

The 1950s was definitely a decade that embraced labels. In this respect, it's similar to Harry Potter's Hogwarts, the wizarding school that formally divides students based on personality and abilities. The Sorting Hat places students into one of four houses: Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, or Slytherin. What would happen if the motley Maisel crew showed up at Hogwarts? Would their new houses be more freeing than their current labels? Here is The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel Characters Sorted Into Their Hogwarts Houses.

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10 Midge Maisel - Gryffindor

When we first meet Midge Maisel, she's an image-conscious housewife whose biggest concern is getting the rabbi to come to her Yom Kippur dinner. Doesn't exactly sound like a badass Gryffindor, does she? But when her hubby Joel up and leaves her, Midge proves herself to be a domesticated Gryffindor lion who just got let out of the cage.

Midge is every bit as impulsive as she is funny. She gets drunk and stumbles onto the Gaslight Café's stage, comically dropping her façade—and her nightgown. Her next time onstage gets her arrested. Midge's new, unfiltered personality tends to get her in trouble on- and offstage. But that is where her Gryffindor bravery really lies. For a woman in the 1950s to get up in front of people and let it all hang out—profanely, metaphorically, and literally—makes Midge a pioneering force to be reckoned with. Tits up, indeed.

9 Susie Myerson - Hufflepuff

Introducing Susie Myerson, the most potty-mouthed Hufflepuff there ever was. Susie is a rare breed, given that most Hufflepuffs don't have resting "I'm gonna bite your head off" face. But Susie wholly encapsulates what it means to be a Hufflepuff. The woman works like a dog—or badger—as Midge's manager. While Midge is extremely talented, she owes the vast majority of her success to Susie, who has all but jumped through flaming hoops for her client. When Midge takes off to the Catskills for the entire summer, the broke Susie finds a way to sneak into the resort and works at finding Midge gigs.

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Midge has given Susie every reason to drop her as a client, yet Susie remains steadfast. This not only speaks to a Hufflepuff's loyalty, but to the house's ability to believe in something long after others would have thrown in the towel. Susie shows her adoration for Midge time and again, even if it's wrapped in many, many F-bombs.

8 Abe Weissman - Ravenclaw

Abe Weissman is a loving family man who secretly wishes the women in his life were as straightforward and logical as the math he teaches at Columbia University. Try as Abe might, he cannot solve the formula for Midge and Joel's marital woes. That's why Ravenclaw Abe takes comfort in the problems he can solve, or thinks he can, like his formula for indulging in vacation drinks without getting inebriated. Note to all Ravenclaws: even you can't pull off drunk math.

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There's no doubting that Ravenclaws have the intelligence to burn. However, they're a little slow on the uptake when it comes to social situations. In an attempt to keep the peace, Abe hides his daughter's impending divorce from Rose. This spectacularly blows up in his face, and an enraged Rose takes off to Paris. The wind is taken out of her dramatic departure by Abe taking his sweet time in realizing she's gone. The Ravenclaw motto may be "wit beyond measure is man's greatest treasure", but Abe would do well to adopt the mantra, "happy wife, happy life".

7 Rose Weissman - Slytherin

Rose Weissman hates disorder almost as much as she hates carbs. This svelte Slytherin works hard for her picture-perfect life. When anything threatens to shatter it, Rose has two modes: delusional or livid. She experiences them both after Midge and Joel's separation and is at a loss when she discovers she can't control her daughter's marriage. So she does what any good Slytherin would do and finds a scapegoat: her husband.

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Taking off to Paris is a stroke of Slytherin genius. Not only did Rose make her point to Abe, but she also got a glamorous trip out of the whole debacle. Once back on American soil, Rose turns her attention to repairing the Weissman image by strategizing on potential suitors for Midge. To a 1950s Slytherin, being a spinster is worse than being a Muggle-born.

6 Joel Maisel - Gryffindor

As charming as Joel Maisel is, behind his million-dollar smile is a mind that doesn't often think things through. He thinks Midge is too perfect, so he has an affair with his duller-than-watching-paint-dry secretary, Penny Pann. When life with Penny is too boring, Joel realizes he liked things better with Midge. Oh, that wily Gryffindor logic. Joel is also embarrassed that Midge catches him with his hand in the comedy cookie jar. She learns that Joel flat-out steals his material from old Bob Newhart sets. Yet another bad Gryffindor decision that could have used more foresight.

Joel is a man who lets his emotions completely dictate his actions. He's bummed about Midge's comedy career so he quits his job on the spot and later punches a drunk heckler in the face. But Joel is more than just a hothead. He possesses an admirable amount of Gryffindor bravery when standing up for those he loves, like telling off the gossips in the Catskills for shunning Midge. Joel may not be a great stand-up comic, but when he wants to, he can sure be a stand-up guy.

5 Moishe Maisel - Slytherin

Moishe Maisel is a loudmouth showboat who makes Abe's ears bleed—and sometimes the audience's. But Moishe isn't all pomp. He's got a few Slytherin tricks up his sleeve. In the blink of an eye, Moishe is able to figure out who Joel is having an affair with. Moishe also doesn't take too kindly to his only son embarrassing the family by dating a non-Jewish girl—they're only for practice, you see. Moishe likes to keep up appearances.

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That's why his business is called Maisel and Roth Garment Company, even though there's no Roth. Moishe just thought it would look better to appear to have a partner. Yes, looks can be deceiving, but when you're a Slytherin, deception is part of the fun.

4 Shirley Maisel - Gryffindor

Long-term thinking apparently is not a Maisel family value. When things go south with Penny Pann, Joel moves back in with his parents. Shirley is thrilled and instantly regresses back to a time when Joel was a boy and needed her. Living in the past is never a good idea, especially during a hard time when emotions need to be processed and decisions need to be made. But Shirley's vice is being a mom, and Gryffindors live to serve their vices.

Shirley is also the bookkeeper at Maisel and Roth, and a terrible one at that. For starters, her system is one that only she can understand...on a good day. Instead of putting the company money in, say, a bank, Shirley hides it all over town. To find her hiding spots, she created her own complicated version of the Marauder's Map that poor Joel has to decipher. Shirley can file that decision under the Gryffindor logic of "it seemed like a good idea at the time".

3 Benjamin Ettenberg - Ravenclaw

Benjamin Ettenberg is a doctor and a terrible conversationalist. In other words, the perfect Ravenclaw. He's a bachelor who is actively not looking for a partner, much to his mother's dismay. Benjamin prefers his own company and doesn't appreciate having his precious Ravenclaw time wasted. This may seem admirable, especially in the restricting decade he lives in, but Benjamin's anti-social tendencies can be obnoxious. He agrees to take a boat ride with Midge in order to get his mother off his back but then refuses to row the boat. The reason? He doesn't like rowing.

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There's a fine line between not caring what people think and coming across as a jerk. Still, Benjamin's ability to do the former rubs off on Midge and she confesses to him about her comedy career. Benjamin's Ravenclaw qualities bring out the best in Midge, if not in himself.

2 Imogene Cleary - Hufflepuff

Imogene may not be the brightest dress on the rack, but she sure is a devoted best friend. Hufflepuffs often are. After Joel leaves, many '50s busybodies might look down on Midge's single status, but Imogene is there for her friend. She draws a line in the sand, and forces her husband to cancel a double date with Joel and Penny. Imogene is also there in a flash when Midge needs help preparing for her son's birthday party.

While nobody is disputing that Imogene is the world's best bestie, sometimes she can be a little clingy. When she walks into the Maisel apartment and meets Susie, she throws the most demure fit of rage ever, out of fear that she's been replaced in Midge's life. Hufflepuffs will be your friend forever—whether you like it or not.

1 Sophie Lennon - Slytherin

Sophie Lennon is an even better con-woman than she is a comedian. She makes piles of money convincing the world she's a Rubenesque house frau, when she's actually a slender snob. Slytherin Sophie treats Midge like common dirt when the two have lunch, scoffing at Midge's terrible table manners. Actually eating at lunch is très gauche.

When Midge publicly outs Sophie as the phony she is, Sophie pulls out the big Slytherin guns. She does everything in her power to have Midge black-balled in the comedy world and even sends thugs after Susie. If you're not for Sophie Lennon, you're against her. Put that on your pie plate!

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