Tough on scruff and tough on crime, superheroes and facial hair go together like wax and a long-winged mustache. The classic mutton chops gracing Wolverine’s cheeks or the tight goatee variations Dr. Strange and Tony Stark sport are iconic. But there is a hierarchy of hair, and some Marvel Comics heroes wear their face furniture better than others.
In achieving awesome character designs, facial hair can pull a lot of weight, and even tell a story. Star-Lord's characteristic stubble bespeaks his easy-going attitude (hence why Peter's recent exile on Morinus saw him return with a full beard), while Hercules' original beard communicated he was a man of a different time, with his new salt-and-pepper situation illustrating a more mature hero who is finally acting his age. Unusual choices like the Stranger's spiky mustache can help communicate a character is apart from the world readers know, while the vast beards of Marvel's Asgardian warriors make it clear that the characters beneath are vikings in both the metaphorical and literal sense.
Iron Man and Dr. Strange each rock a version of the goatee that is uniquely their own. Tony’s sneaks in under his chin and leaves a noticeable gap between mustache and chin hair that replicated by anyone else would seem like a rip-off. His fastidious trimming keeps the goatee at a keen edge that screams both “playboy” and “vainglorious narcissist,” both attributes that Tony lives and breathes. Strange’s goatee is classic and manicured to a manageable length that works for both business-casual and mystical-master situations. Both are strong contenders, but the megalomania inherent in style and attitude keeps them from being the best.
Thor with his god-like powers occasionally lets his five-o’clock shadow turn into a mighty beard. Thor doesn’t fuss with shaping, trimming or styling; the messy scruff hangs low and imposing over his already impressive chin. In The Ultimates, Thor was more in touch with his hippy side, but the beard still stayed a manageable length. Even shaved off, his stray hairs are probably worthy enough to wield Mjolnir. He is in the running for best beard simply because his natural situation is so low-maintenance yet awesome, but there are still other characters in contention.
Few can pull off the beard/bald look like Luke Cage. The nigh-invulnerable hero usually has an indestructible beard or goatee in different iterations of his character (raising the question where any of these guys get a razor tough enough to shave super-beards). The hero for hire is incredibly suave, especially in modern depictions, but there’s only one follicle that can be first. Before that, honorable mentions must include Thor's fellow Asgardian Volstagg (especially in his guise as the War Thor), the evil future Hulk Maestro, and Thor's father Odin, whose eons-old locks are so impressive, “by Odin’s beard,” is actually an Asgardian exclamation of shock!
So who's the bearer of Marvel Comics' most awesome facial hair? Dum Dum Dugan, though not hiding behind a full beard, wields a mustache that kills fascists. The S.H.I.E.L.D. officer boast top-level natural machismo, with a curling mustache that could stop a door. The signature bowler cap paired with the intimidating wings on his extra-long 'stache almost make up for his ridiculous name. The former circus strongman is basically a caricature of a forgotten era, but has such a commanding presence and expert skills as a spy, sharpshooter and secret android that no one dares mock his eccentric style. He is easily the best whisker warrior if only by dint of his courage to wear both costume and mustache that only the most irony infused Hipster (or a man who enjoyed fashion the first time it came around) would attempt.