Noah Baumbach's Marriage Story is a naked and intimate look at the small things that lead up to one big thing; divorce. It's told from the perspective of each person in the marriage, Nicole and Charlie, who fell very fervently in love once but whose union has become like the ocean shore; consistently, relentlessly, and reliably beat against by every unfulfilled promise, every accusatory look, and every problem not communicated.
There are no heroes and there are no villains in this story, and there are no easily identifiable faults to find with these two people. With every situation that arises, from the selection of lawyers, to the discussion of custody over their young son Henry, they are proven to be fallible people trying to make the best of a doleful situation. Below are 5 reasons why we're on his side, and 5 reasons why we're on her side.
WHY WE'RE ON HIS SIDE: CHARLIE IS A DEDICATED FATHER
Charlie may be consumed by his theater work a lot of the time when he's in New York, but that doesn't stop him from being a dedicated father. Throughout the film, he fights for partial custody of his son Henry, despite the fact that Nicole wants to live halfway across the country with him.
Charlie doesn't particularly like Los Angeles, but he makes the trip back and forth between his home and hers to make sure he's a part of Henry's life. He recognizes that he needs to be an important figure in Henry's formative years, and that the divorce proceedings will take a toll on him. He didn't have a great relationship with his father, and so never wants to let his son down.
WHY WE'RE ON HER SIDE: SHE GAVE UP HER DREAMS FOR HIS
Prior to meeting Charlie in New York, Nicole was an actress just beginning to make her mark on Hollywood. She was in a teen film that received a lot of traction, mostly due to her performance, and she was parlaying her newfound notoriety into more work. This included branching out into theater, which took her to New York, where she saw Charlie (a young actor and director) perform and experienced an instant draw towards him.
During their courtship they were inseparable, and she ultimately moved to New York to star in his plays. While she was still technically acting, her performances were under his scrutiny and therefore control. They discussed possibly moving back to Los Angeles where she could resume her film career, but ultimately his Broadway dreams overshadowed hers.
WHY WE'RE ON HIS SIDE: SHE NEVER COMMUNICATED
From the very opening scene in Marriage Story, we get the sense that Nicole isn't very good at communication. She may be a good actress, but that's reading someone else's dialogue. She often rarely has anything to say herself, and we're led to believe that's because Charlie is so controlling.
However, it's difficult to know if you're being a controlling partner if your spouse never communicates with you. Much of the semantics in their divorce proceedings boil down to the fact that they never fully discussed matters to each other's satisfaction, which left room for doubt and confusion. She may have wanted a lot of their relationship to go differently, but she never communicated it in a way that Charlie could understand.
WHY WE'RE ON HER SIDE: HE CHEATED ON HER
One of the greatest blows to the sanctimony of marriage is infidelity, no matter how it happens to manifest. Over the course of the film, we find out that Charlie cheated on Nicole with a theater associate, and it caused their already tense relationship to get even more constricted by resentment.
Charlie maintained that he only stepped outside the marriage bed because they hadn't been intimate in over a year, forcing much of the blame on her. In reality, his own self-absorption with his theatrical reputation had pushed her away, to the point that being close to him in that way was wholly unappealing.
WHY WE'RE ON HIS SIDE: SHE INHIBITS THEIR SON'S GROWTH
Charlie readily admits that Nicole is a wonderful mother because she loves to play with their son Henry. Any time of the day that Henry wants to hunker down with his bag of figurines, she gladly lays on the floor and helps him act out his most imaginative fantasy adventures.
However, she also has a bad habit of rewarding him unnecessarily, such as for doing things he otherwise doesn't want to do. When he doesn't want to spend time with Charlie, Nicole whispers she'll get him a present if he complies. Charlie knows that long-term, this sort of reinforcement will be negative for Henry's growth when he doesn't always get a prize for doing something.
WHY WE'RE ON HER SIDE: HE USED HER FOR HIS WORK
For much of their marriage, Charlie's theater work took precedence. Nicole didn't realize just how much until she understood how much of her own identity got swallowed up in it. Her name recognition amplified the notoriety of his plays, and she became convinced that he never loved her as much as she loved him.
She explains candidly to Nora, her divorce attorney, that at first she was flattered that someone with his intelligence would pay her any attention. But then she says artistic types like him "lavish you with attention in the beginning until you become a mom" and then they forget you until you're useful again. When she lands a pilot in Hollywood, he believes he'll get half the money she'd make from it.
WHY WE'RE ON HIS SIDE: HE NEVER HAD A REAL FAMILY
While Nicole has a close-knit family that deeply cares about her living in Los Angeles, Charlie doesn't have any biological family in New York. He's built an "urban family" in the theater community to take their place, and they provide much of the support he needs during his divorce.
One of the most poignant things we learn in the film is that Charlie's childhood was full of alcoholism and violence, which makes it all the more important to him that the family he builds be stable. He doesn't want to lose the nuclear unit he's made with Nicole and Henry, because he thinks there's still hope they can be happy.
WHY WE'RE ON HER SIDE: HE BROKE HIS PROMISES
A healthy marriage is based on communication, honesty, and trust. Partners have to learn to find a balance between their own wants and desires and that of their partner's. If they can communicate openly and honestly without judgment, these sorts of compromises can be reached.
Charlie spends his marriage to Nicole making and breaking promises, which erode the honesty and trust between them. She no longer believes him when he says he'll let her direct one of his plays one day, or that they'll spend more time in LA with her family. She no longer sees a future with him when she realizes he'll never stop lying to her, however unintentionally.
WHY WE'RE ON HIS SIDE: HE WAS BLIND-SIDED
The film makes it clear that had Nicole not filed for a divorce, Charlie wouldn't have. Being far too focused on his theater career and fatherly duties, he seemed surprised that his wife wanted to separate. When the papers are served to him in her mother's kitchen, he's caught off guard, but not as off guard as he will be.
From the moment he arrives in LA to begin the proceedings, he's blind-sided by their intricacies. He has difficulties finding the right legal counsel, and switches lawyers several times. The advice he's given is incredibly confusing, and every time he tries to do what he thinks is the right thing, it turns out to be the wrong thing as far as the divorce process goes.
WHY WE'RE ON HER SIDE: HE NEVER SUPPORTED HER AMBITIONS
She's always been his cheerleader, even though by her own admission nothing ever gets him down, and he never feels "defeated" like she does. But nevertheless, when he gets a prestigious grant for several hundred thousand dollars that will fund his theatrical projects for five years, she cheers him on.
This is a projection of the sort of support she'd love to receive from him, but never does. Charlie didn't see her as separate from himself, and assumed she was happy in her life because he was happy in his. But he never once thought to ask if she had any ambitions of her own, or if she wanted to pursue film acting again.