Attention all ye Hogwarts alumni! We have for ye today one of the greatest modern marvels since the invention of the Hot Air Spoon. How bored are you of always playing with your wand and thinking to yourself “I wish my wand did more than just magic.” Well The Wand Company of England has heard your thoughts (they are after all, witches) and have met your desires with *trumpet blares* THE KYMERA MAGIC WAND!
That’s right, now you too can control anything in your house that works off an infrared remote with a simple flick of your wrist and a few magic incantations. Want to make the volume louder? Simply twirl your Wand right and say “Volumiticus Upsadasium.” That very loud Billy Mayes Garden Weezel commercial giving you headaches? Simply twirl your Wand to the left and recite “Volumiticus Downflorium.” Presto! You have full volume control.
What’s that you say? An owl from the magical land of Hogwarts just landed and has a message but you can’t hear it because Maury show is too loud? Easy remedy: Thrust your Wand forward and say “Muticus Commericalidium.”
The Kymera Magic Wand can learn up to thirteen different IR (infrared) commands from multiple devices. Programming is easy – you just need to point the Wand at the device’s remote, send the command from said remote, pour 4 ounces of ox blood, add 2 sprigs of Flitterbloom, and 3 pulverized sneezewort leaves and *POOF*; the remote and is now operational.
Here are all of the magical movements required for the Wand to control your devices: Twirl Right, Twirl Left, Push Forward, Pull Back, Big Swish, Single Tap Down, Single Tap to the Side, Double Tap Down, Double Tap to the Side, Flick Up, Flick Down, Flick Right and Flick Left.
Now the following verbal commands are optional, but I would recommend using them (especially with company in the room) for greater effect:
Volume Up – “Volumiitcus Upsadasium”
Volume Down – “Volumiticus Downflorium”
Volume Mute – “Muticus Commericalidium”
Channel Up- “Changfundus Upsadasium”
Channel Down -“Changfundus Downflorium”
Previous Channel – “Previareo Channelorum”
Power On – “Powideous Onification”
Power Off – “Powideous Offiliarious”
Tune to Cinemax – “Displaius Porngraphicum”
Mute Wife and Tune in Sports – “Muticus Annoyendo Mondaurla Footronum”
The wand does very much exist, although I may be reaching slightly on the programming side and verbal commands; it is a very interesting and unique take on a specialized remote control. At around $75 US, no doubt the company will sell a boat load of them. However, if you want one you will need to go reserve it now, because come October 1st the only people that will receive a Kymera Magic Wand will be those with pre-orders.
Do you plan on pre-ordering your Kymera Magic Wand by the The Wand Company Ltd.?
A shout out to The Movie Blog for bringing this to our attention.
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