Sawyer always served as the primary comic relief throughout Lost. While he certainly had his serious moments, Sawyer typically remained a sarcastic and caustic personality throughout much of the series. He's certainly a creative individual, that's for sure.
He also has an incredible way with words and is very quick with a joke, a witty retort, or a scathing comeback. And not an episode went by when Sawyer didn't make us laugh. Love him or hate him, you can't deny that Sawyer is one funny individual. These are his ten funniest quotes ever, ranked.
"Well Yeah, There's My Favorite Leaf!"
While traipsing through the woods with Locke and Jack, Locke turns in confusion and asks Sawyer if the surrounding area looks familiar to him.
Seeing as how Sawyer is always quick with a witty retort, he responds, "Well yeah, there's my favorite leaf! How could I forget this place?" It just goes to show that you should never ask Sawyer a silly question. Ask silly questions, expect silly responses.
"Why Am I Getting The Evening News From A Six Year Old?"
Sawyer was always great at recapping the story's events. Case in point - his wonderful conversation with Walt. Sawyer wonderfully summed up the season's events, stating, "So, a tribe of evil natives planted a ringer in the camp to kidnap a pregnant girl and a reject from VH1 has-beens. Yeah, fiendishly clever. And why am I getting the evening news from a six-year-old?"
Walt only responds with, "I'm ten," prompting Sawyer to declare "Okay, then it must be true!"
"Took My Shirt Out Of The Bag And Peed On It!"
In season one's Outlaws, Sawyer begins to suspect that a wild boar has a personal vendetta against him. While out in the woods with Kate and Locke, Sawyer makes an unfortunate find. When he discovers that his shirt has been urinated on, Sawyer exclaims, "Took my shirt out of the bag and peed on it! And you say this ain't personal."
Kate acts as an audience surrogate in this scene, as she can only laugh in amusement at Sawyer's kooky antics.
"Hyperopia!? That's...Uh...What Is That?"
While doing nothing in particular on the beach, Sawyer begins to suffer from headaches.
Against his best wishes, Jack decides to take a look at him. After analyzing Sawyer, Jack decides to pull a harmless prank and tells Sawyer that he has "hyperopia." Sawyer acts like he's just been given horrible news, saying, "Hyperopia!? That's...uh...what is that?" Jack tells him that it's a fancy word for "farsighted," and Sawyer can only hang his head in disbelief, knowing that Jack had pulled a fast one on him.
"Sun Gets Attacked In The Jungle And You Figure It's A Good Time To Start The Damn Dewey Decimal System"
The interactions between Sawyer and Locke are some of the best in the entire show. Upon seeing that Locke is handling some books in the hatch, Sawyer condescendingly states, "Sun gets attacked in the jungle and you figure it's a good time to start the damn Dewey decimal system!"
It's a wonderful summation of Sawyer's character. He's not afraid to criticize others, and he's not afraid to use humor while doing so.
"You Sure Know How To Butter A Man Up, Stay Puft"
If Sawyer isn't going after Locke, he's going after Hurley. After Hurley gives him a proposition, Sawyer states, "You sure know how to butter a man up, Stay Puft." It's a funny line in and of itself, but it's also a great example of Sawyer's penchant for funny nicknames.
Not only is he retaining his sarcastic inclinations, but he's using a condescending nickname in the process. Luckily, Hurley doesn't take it to heart.
"Oh, Well I'll Just Stop Bleeding, Then!"
In the season two opener, Sawyer and Michael are set upon by a shark, who is attracted to Sawyer's bleeding shoulder.
Michael and Sawyer are already bickering, and the shark only adds more stress to the situation. Michael knowingly (and sourly) states that the shark has been attracted by Sawyer's blood, prompting him to sarcastically scream, "Oh, well I'll just stop bleeding, then!"
"I Think He Said Something About Going To The Store For A Pack Of Smokes?"
Sawyer's sarcasm is at it again when Jack comes to the Hatch asking for Locke. At first, Sawyer feigns being busy and "beating the high score" on the hatch computer.
After finally acknowledging Jack, Jack asks him the whereabouts of Locke, prompting Sawyer to sarcastically answer, "I think he said something about going to the store for a pack of smokes?" Jack can only nod his head in disappointed acceptance of Sawyer's tomfoolery.
"Light, Comma, Sticks"
This quote combines two of Sawyer's favorite things - reading and calling someone a silly nickname. While reading on the beach, Shannon approaches Sawyer and inadvertently basks him in shadow.
In response, Sawyer says, "You're in my light, sticks," referring to her legs. When Shannon asks what "light sticks" are, Sawyer clarifies with, "Light, comma, sticks" and gestures to her bare legs.
"One Less Christmas Card I'll Have To Send This Year"
When Kate approaches Sawyer, Sawyer tells her that Jack and he are not on good terms at the moment due to the whole painkiller incident. In response, Sawyer sarcastically quips, "One less Christmas card I'll have to send this year."
It's no secret that Sawyer and Jack don't always see eye to eye, which makes a line like this even funnier.