Sometimes, there's nothing better than Tolkien about Middle-Earth. And sometimes, the meanest and most wicked parts of Middle-Earth are the coolest. And sure, the land of shadow itself, Mordor, is pretty metal.
But has anyone noticed how weird it is? Time to address some concerns about Sauron's land. Let's take a look back at the beloved movies of Lord Of The Rings and see ten things that make no sense about Mordor.
How Does The Ecosystem Work Without More Foliage?
Mordor is a pretty unfriendly terrain, to say the least. One does not simply walk into Mordor, probably not just because of the hostile inhabitants, but because there's burning ash and lava all over the place. The less fire-touched parts are just dirt and rock. So how does Mordor grow foliage? How do any creatures survive out there, herbivores and carnivores alike?
If prey can't graze, then it can't live somewhere, and a predator can't feast on it. Heck, how feeds all the orcs? Sure, there might be greenery to the East, but there's no way that's enough, and it doesn't solve the problem of every other creature. Not to mention the heat and smog.
Why Has No One Bothered To Take Care Of Shelob?
Speaking of creatures that are part of Mordor's ecosystem...how has that massive pest Shelob managed to stay in Mordor for what seems like ages? Most likely by eating orcs.
But then that begs the question...why don't the orcs just go in and do a bit of extermination work, rather than mysteriously lose their comrades every few days? If someone has a massive man-eating spider on their property, that should probably be taken care of sooner rather than later.
What's The Orc Education System Like?
We've seen orcs get birthed. But who trains them all of those handy phrases like "LOOKS LIKE MEAT'S BACK ON THE MENU, BOYS!" and "FIND THE HALFLINGS!" Surely the orcs have to have some way of learning language from one another. And someone has to be training those orcs to fight and craft armor.
And yes, to do that for mass numbers, language is pretty important. There's gotta be a primary orc education system in place and a military academy of some sort. Maybe a pristine orc college where they can go into crippling debt after studying in Gondor.
Why Is Mordor So Inherently Tied To Sauron's Power?
When Sauron goes, most of Mordor does, too. Mount Doom becomes Mount BOOM, the ground forms massive sinkholes that suck in all of the orcs, the Black Gate crumbles, and the Tower of Barad-dûr collapses with the Eye of Sauron. What kind of system was Sauron running? Is Mordor like Disney World, with massive tunnels underneath the entire system?
Did purging the evil or the shockwave of power cause the tunnels to collapse and ruin everything? And, more likely, if it's magic, how did Sauron manage to enchant a bunch of dirt, and more importantly, only the dirt at his followers' feet? "If I'm going down, you're going down," perhaps? Which is too bad for Sauron, because even if he died, the orcs still would've crushed Aragorn's army if they weren't all killed.
What's The East Side Look Like?
So, Mordor is surrounded by mountains on virtually all fronts, in a big sort of "C" shape. But in the East, there are no mountains. What does this area look like? Why is Sauron so intent on going West instead of venturing East in his conquests?
Maybe Sauron just had a surge of manifest destiny in his system and decided to crush the people he deemed inferior that were in the West.
Why Did The Nazgûl Start With Horses And Not The Fell Beasts?
OK Mordor. Get your act together. How is it that The Nazgûl, Sauron's most terrifying lieutenants, were forced to ride all the way to The Shire, one of the furthest locations they were made to go to...but had dragon-like Fell Beasts for their subsequent outings to closer places?
Frankly, if Frodo and the other hobbits had to deal with a winged creature chasing them down to the Prancing Pony, they wouldn't have made it. On a side note, how do the people in Mordor train these beasts, anyways?
Why Aren't There Guards At The Secret Pass?
If the only ways into Mordor are a) Going around the very long mountains to the Easy opening, b) The heavily fortified Black Gate, and c) The secret tunnel, why does no one bother guarding the latter?
There's no way that the inhabitants of Mordor didn't know about the secret entrance (despite its name), considering the massive staircase leading up to it, the acknowledgment of Shelob, and the orcs nearby the entrance to the Cirith Ungol, the orc fortress.
Why Aren't There Guards At Mount Doom?
Even if the secret tunnel entrance really wasn't known by anybody after all of its time existing, there's no possible way to justify leaving the entrance to Mt. Doom open. Even Bilbo Baggins had more security for his Hobbit hole than Sauron did for the one place in the world that could end his reign.
Frodo and Sam just waltzed right in. In fact, why bother having an entrance at all? Did Sauron have a hot date with the lava? Which wouldn't matter so long as he had no physical form. Someone should have sealed that mountain shut, and install a garrison armed to the teeth to patrol it.
What's Up With The Eye Of Sauron?
In the books, the Eye of Sauron is just a symbol. But in the Peter Jackson films, the Eye is actually a psychic fireball (presumably with Sauron's spirit) that sits on the Tower of Barad-dûr and can see things.
How in The Aratar did that tower manage to get built and host the massive firey eyeball on it? How does the Eye work? How far can it see? There are so many questions.
What Was The Point Of Conquering Middle-Earth?
So Sauron and company are evil. Sure, that checks out. But...if Mordor was a barren land with a bunch of Orcs, who sat around eating and killing all day...what would they do once they ruled all the land?
Keep doing that, but with more room? Lebens-ring? To be fair, the question could go for any ruler or nation that wishes to conquer all the other ones. That's the takeaway lesson for today. Evil doesn't make sense.